Bob and Mabel were celebrating 50 years of marriage. Their neighbor Tom asked them what the secret was to such a long and happy marriage.
Bob looked lovingly into Mabel’s eyes before explaining, “When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had, and we have done so for 50 years.”
“Amazing!” gasped Tom. “Twice a week, every week?”
“Every week,” added Mabel. “I go out every Tuesday, and he goes out on Fridays.”
A Nearly Undetectable Revamp
Another mildly painful lesson I’ve had to learn over the years is that the color controls on a display are frequently set wrong.
Most phones and tablets do not offer the ability to adjust things like the hue, contrast, and saturation. As a result, the manufacturers had to correctly calibrate their displays during production. Since phones usually got it right, I had been using them for color balancing my images.
But computers and TV’s have displays that are supposed to be adjusted by the user, unfortunately the user frequently does not do this. I’m not sure if this is due to technophobia, a lack of aesthetic, or a devotion to trolling at the deepest levels, but a lot of people insist on looking at badly calibrated screens.
When viewing my comic on other people’s monitors, I frequently noticed that the color saturation levels were far too high. Initially I dismissed the issue as a few isolated issues that I could safely ignore. In my hubris I surmised that the bumpkins simply didn’t know how to adjust their monitor correctly, and blew it off.
Well I’m not blowing it off anymore. When the idiots outnumber you, you need to take their deficiencies into account.
Earlier this year, I started desaturating my comics prior to posting them. It was a rather brutal 40% reduction in the color level, but something had to be done to ensure future viewers would not be subjected to the intense color bleeding caused by their own malfeasance.
Maybe you noticed the change, but one thing I’ve noticed is a sharp decline in people who wrinkle their nose at mere sight of the comic. Perhaps I finally stumbled upon one of my own deficiencies, and I’m finally starting to see where I was wrong.
No, I’m not about to ramp up the saturation levels on my monitor, but I am going to make sure that I check my work on multiple monitors from now on. I also took the liberty to desaturate the entire “Pathos in the Plumbing” series. I even edited the older posts so that everything was more behaviorally uniform.
I also changed the menu link for “Pathos in the Plumbing”, but there’s still a slight problem. Over time the link becomes obsolete and has to be updated. I’ve asked for help with this one in various forums, but the answers I get are never helpful.
Well, I hope I didn’t bore you too much with this week’s rant. I really didn’t feel like getting anything off my chest, so instead you got to read my whining about website woes.
Kudos
This week’s jokes were contributed by George. He recently had some health issues, but he says he’s doing well, and I look forward to getting many more jokes from him in the future. Just another thanks to Glenn and TOR for pitching in. Flush Twice is always in search of new jokes. Our submission page is one way to contribute, but my email, flush2x@gmail.com, is also a great way to send me the jokes.
Many thanks to all who have helped out.
Pax,
-f2x
Two Jewish men, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant discussing religion
“I wonder if there are any Jewish people in Mexico?” asked the first one.
“There must be,” the second one replied. “To be sure though, let’s ask the waiter.”
When the waiter came by, they asked him, “Do you have any Mexican Jews?”
“I do not know Señor,” said the waiter. “I will ask the cooks.”
A few minutes later, the waiter returned from the kitchen and informed the gentlemen, “I’m sorry, Señor. We have orange Jews, tomato Jews, grape Jews, but no Mexican Jews.”
A man was walking through his local mall and noticed a Mexican book store. As he had never seen a Mexican book store before, the man decided to take a look inside.
After browsing for a while, he approached the clerk and asked, “Would you happen to have that book on President Trump’s foreign policy with Mexico?”
Enraged, the clerk shouted, “Fuck you! Get out and stay out!”
“That’s the one,” replied the man. “Got it in hardcover?”
Why is there such a dearth of great classical Mexican literature?
Because Edward Seymour didn’t invent aerosol paint until 1949.
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
quatro sinko
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
How many mexicans do you need to change a light bulb?
Juan
What do you call a Mexican standoff with only 2 people?
A Juan on Juan
Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?
They say he had loco motives.
What do you call a mexican drug kingpin who likes to dress as a woman?
El Trapo
Mexican and black jokes are all the same
Once you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What do you call a mexican and a priest fighting?
Alien vs predator
What did the Mexican Fireman name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B
A boy was born to a Korean father and a Mexican mother.
They named him Guacamo Lee.
Why couldn’t the Mexican archer shoot his bow?
He didn’t habanero.
Why can’t you play UNO with Mexicans?
They steal all the green cards.
Most people don’t know that in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was lost forever.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as “Sinko de Mayo”.
Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.
He pulled rabbits out of hats, sawed his assistant in half, and drew coins out of the ears of audience members.
His final trick was a disappearing act. He counted:
“Uno…”
“Dos…”
And disappeared without a tres.
Why can’t Mexicans cross the border in threes?
No trespassing.
Software as a Service
Back in the day, if you wanted to install the latest version of an operating system or application, you had to go to the store and buy a copy. You would install the software via floppy disk or CD ROM onto the computer, and that was that. Your computer never checked to see if it was running the latest version, your system didn’t try to download the latest updates, and your programs didn’t try to install newer versions of themselves while you were sleeping so peacefully at night.
The software became a part of the hardware. Until something bad happened, your computer would run that same old software the same old way every time. You didn’t boot your computer and receive a message, “Please wait while we reconfigure your system for the latest version of DOS.” If you opened Windows and clicked on the “About”, you know that the version number displayed was the version number you installed. You also knew that everything worked exactly the way it was originally set up to work.
Granted, those systems were slow, buggy, prone to crash, and setting hardware IRQ’s was a pain, but it was what it was, and most of all, it was yours.
These days, it’s like every internet connected device is constantly updating. Even the software that is running this website receives automatic updates… which is sometimes a pain, because it breaks things. Two weeks ago, this site’s theme updated. I actually have to manually retweak it every time they do this because it breaks the category continuity when clicking on the previous/next post links.
Every day there are new updates. It’s getting to the point where it might save bandwidth if the powers that be would track your mouse or touchscreen and stream the screen they want you to see over the internet. Seriously, the Google Play store uses more bandwidth than any other app because every other app is updating every other day.
But you have to update. If you don’t, then the terrorists win.
It’s a lot of horseshit.
Kudos
We got the jokes, folks! The Oldest Rater has blessed us with a mother lode of comedy for the entire first week of June. George has started sending jokes again too, so I’m pretty happy. When it rains it pours! The submission page is always taking submissions, my email address is flush2x@gmail.com, and I’d love it if you’d forward some jokes to me! Have a great week!
Pax,
-f2x
