While visiting her blonde friend, the brunette noticed the blonde had two new dogs, and asked what their names were.
“Rolex and Timex,” the blonde said proudly.
“What peculiar names for your dogs,” remarked the brunette. “Why did you name them that?”
The blonde replied, “What else would you name watch dogs?”
Two days into his trial,the defendant stood up and asked permission to approach the Judge.
“Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty,” the defendant requested.
Slightly agitated, the judge asked, “If you were guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and trouble?”
“Well, when the trial began I did think I was innocent,” explained the defendant, “but that was before I had the opportunity to hear all the evidence against me.”
A farm boy had accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. A nearby farmer heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Billy Bob answered, “but I don’t think my Pa would like me to.”
“Aw, come on boy,” the farmer insisted.
“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but my Pa won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host and said, “I was a wonderful meal, but my Pa is going to be real mad now.”
“Don’t be silly!” the neighbor said. “By the way, where is your Pa?”
“Under the wagon.”
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. When the priest tried to pay for the haircut, the barber refused, saying, “You do God’s work,”
The next day the barber found a dozen Bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to accept money. “You protect the public,” he said.
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “You serve justice.”
The next morning, the barber found 12 lawyers standing in line waiting for haircuts.
Terrance was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, he got pulled over again for the the same reason by the same cop.
“So, have you learned anything yet?” snarked the cop.
“Yes, I have,” said Terrance. “I’ve learned it’s time to find a new way home from work.”