The Taunted Trial

Emotions were running high. The continual heckling and outbursts within the courtroom kept disrupting the trial.

Having had enough, the judge sternly warned, “The next person who interrupts these proceedings will be thrown out of my court!”

To which the defendant yelled, “Hooray!”

Done With Her

“I’m finished with Denise!” Tom announced to his friend.

“You’re breaking off the engagement?” his buddy asked in shock. “What happened? What did she do?”

“She broke down and told me she was bisexual,” explained Tom.

“That’s all? It really bothers you that much?” the friend asked.

“Yeah!” shouted Tom in disgust. “Who in their right mind would marry a woman who only had sex twice a year?”

It’s OK. This is Heaven

Although they had been in remarkably good health, an 85 year old couple died in a car crash.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion complete with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” Peter replied, “You’re in Heaven.”

Next they went out back to survey the golf course behind the home. They could go golfing everyday and every week the course would magically change to a new one so they’d never get bored.

The old man asked, “How much is the greens fee?”

Peter replied, “This is heaven. You play for free.”

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet.

“How much to eat?” asked the old man.

“Don’t you understand yet?” Peter replied with some exasperation. “This is heaven. It is free!”

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol dishes?” the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, “That’s the best part! You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. It’s OK. This is Heaven.”

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, threw down his hat and stomped on it while shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, and asked him what was wrong.

The old man glared at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”