Fishing on the Bayou

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spotted a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth.

Being a longtime fisherman, he knew the best bait for large catfish was toads. In a flash, Bubba grabbed the snake from behind and carefully removed the toad from its mouth and put the toad in his side bag.

Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba took out his bottle of moonshine and carefully placed two drops into the snake’s mouth. The snake’s eyes glazed over and quickly went limp. Bubba let the snake loose in the water and went back to fishing.

A few hours later, Bubba was about to head back home, when he felt something tapping on his leg. He looked down to see what it was, and there was the water moccasin with two frogs in its mouth.

Embarrassing Patients

A man approached the receptionist desk at the urology clinic.

A somewhat large and imposing nurse asked for his name and date of birth, then in a very loud voice she said, “I have you scheduled here to see the doctor about your erectile dysfunction. Is that correct?”

The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped to look at the very embarrassed man.

In an equally loud voice the man replied, “No, I’ve come to inquire about a sex change operation, but I don’t want the doctor that did yours!”

The Best Son

A group of Catholic women were bragging about their sons over coffee.

The first one started, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second women chimed in with, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third woman smugly announced, “Not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth woman sipped her coffee in silence while the first three women stared at her expectantly. After a moment, she carefully set down her cup and mentioned, “My son is a hard-bodied male stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, ‘My God’.”


Dissatisfied with online dating, an older woman visited a local matchmaker.

To get some idea of what the woman was looking for, the matchmaker asked, “So what requirements do you have for a potential mate?”

The woman thought about it for a moment and said, “Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to keep me company for the whole day at home. Tells me interesting stories when I need conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”

“I see,” remarked the matchmaker. “You need a television.”

Party Aftermath

Henry awoke the day after an office party with a splitting headache and a horrible case of cotton-mouth

Completely unable to recall the events of the night before, he made his way downstairs where his wife was making breakfast.

“What happened last night, Olivia?” moaned Henry. “Was it as bad as I think it was?”

“Worse,” scorned his wife. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You antagonized the entire board of directors, and insulted the CEO right to his face.”

“He’s an asshole anyway!” Henry snorted. “Piss on him!”

“You did,” Olivia explained, “and then he fired you.”

“Oh bloody hell!” Henry scoffed. “Fuck that guy!”

“I did,” Olivia replied. “You start back to work on Monday.”