No Numbers Numbers

An employer didn’t want to hire a particular applicant, so he decided to give him a nonsense test, hoping the man wouldn’t be able to answer the questions. The employer figured that when the man couldn’t figure out any sensible answer, he would just give up without an argument.

So the employer gave the man his first question: “Without using numbers or letters or hash marks, write down a way to represent the number 9.”

The applicant said, “That’s easy” and proceeds to draw three trees.

The employer responded, “What the hell is that?”

The man said, “Tree ‘n tree ‘n tree makes nine.”

“Fair enough,” said the employer. “Your second problem is to use the same rules, but represent the number 99.”

The man stared into space for a while, then made a smudge on each tree. “There you go sir,” he said confidently.

The employer scratched his head and said, “How on earth is that supposed to represent 99?”

The job seeker explained, “Each tree is dirty now! So it’s dirty tree, ‘n dirty tree, ‘n dirty tree. That’s 99!”

The employer was getting worried that he’d have to hire the guy, so he said, “All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the Number 100.”

The man stared into space again, then shouted, “Got it!” He made little marks at the base of each tree, and said, “There you go sir, 100.”

The employer looked at page and said, “You must be mad if you think that represents a hundred!”

The man leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the tree bases, and said, “A little dog came along and pooed by each tree, so now you’ve got dirty tree an’ a turd, dirty tree an’ a turd, dirty tree an’ a turd, which makes one hundred. Now when do I start the job?”

A Squirrelly Problem

The town had been overrun by squirrels. Desperate, the Mayor brought in dozens of stray cats. Unfortunately the cats made things worse, pooping in people’s gardens, killing songbirds, and overturning trashcans. The mayor had to get rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.

The owner of the hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels were back again, and this time they brought some of their friends from the forest.

Finally the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. So now the squirrels only come around on Christmas and Easter.

The Relentless Lawyer

A lawyer had just successfully defended a major crime lord of all charges stemming from racketeering, dealing drugs, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms.

As he was leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabbed him by the arm and scolded, “Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I’ve never seen such a shameless display. Why, I believe you would defend Satan himself!”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” the lawyer replied casually. “But tell me, what has your boy done?”

Tried It Once…

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. The man replied, “No thanks. I don’t drink. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.”

The bartender then asked, “Would you care for a cigarette?”

The man replied, “No thanks. I don’t smoke. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.”

Not giving up, the bartender invited the man to play a game of pool, but again the man responded with, “No thanks. I don’t like pool. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be here at all, but I’m waiting for my son.”

The bartender remarked, “Let me guess… Your only son?”

One, Two, Doggy Doo!

Sandy invited Mitch to her house for dinner. When he arrived he saw that she had a couple of dogs. As the dogs greeted the young man, he asked, “What are their names?”

“Well oldest is named ‘One’ and the other is called ‘Two'” explained Sandy.

As Mitch petted the furry critters he asked, “Why did you name them that?”

With a gleam in her eye she said, “Well I figured that when One dies, I’ll still have Two.”