Going Out

Sicilia scurried down the stairs and stood in the entry to the living room.

“Mamma, I’m going out for a bit,” She said to her mother.

Her mother looked up from her crossword and noticed all the frayed tears in the Sicilia’s denim pants. “You’re not going out with all those holes in your pants, are you?” the mother scorned.

“No Mama,” Sicilia replied. “I’m going out with Peggy and Lynne.”

Courtroom Success

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to represent a long-term client.

After several days of trial, the case was finally won, and the client was acquitted and released.

The young lawyer was so excited about his win he texted “Justice prevailed!” to one of the senior partners.

The senior partner quickly replied, “Appeal immediately!”

Traveling Grandma

For two solid hours, the little old lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of her grandchildren.

Finally realizing that she had dominated the entire conversation, she said to the man next to her, “Oh, I’ve done all the talking, and I’m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me… what do you think of my grandchildren?”

The Cross-eyed Dog

A man took his pitbull to the vet and said “My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do to help?”

“Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.”

The vet picked the dog up and took a good look at its eyes.

The vet shook his head and said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” said the man.

“No,” replied the vet. “It’s because he’s heavy.”

Sick of a Small Town

During a heated quarrel with his parents Marty yelled, “I’m tired of this run down town! I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I’ll never find it here at home, so I’m leaving, and don’t you try and stop me!”

With that he headed toward the door.

His father got out of his chair and followed the young man.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you to try and stop me.”

“Who’s trying to stop you?” replied his father. “I want to go with you.”