Cunnilingus Craving

John had just gotten out of prison. All he had in his possession was a shoe lace and $10.00. While he was in prison, all he could think about was eating pussy. That is all he wanted to do when he finally got out.

Now that he was out and had some money, he went to the nearest whorehouse to fulfill his dream. He went up to the counter, slapped his $10.00 bill on the counter, and told the person, “I want to eat some pussy.”

The guy behind the counter looked at him, and said, “Dude, this is $10. I can’t get you anything for that. What year do you think it is?”

John grabbed the guy by the collar and started shaking him “I just got out of prison. Im going to eat some pussy if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Okay, okay….I think we can work something out,” the guy said.

He led John to the back of the whore house to the oldest, most used up worker in the place. “Well…this is what you get for $10.”

John didn’t care. He started going to town. While he was doing the deed, he felt something get stuck between his teeth. It was a Corn Flake. “Okayyyy,” he thought. He had corn flakes for breakfast, so not a big deal. He continued on his quest until he felt something else get stuck in his teeth. It was chipped beef. “Okay, this is really weird”, he thought. They sometimes served chipped beef in prison, but John hasn’t had it in weeks. He started to feel ill and said, “I think I’m going to throw up.”

The worker looked down at him and said, “That’s what the last guy said.”

Watch Repair

A man walks down the street and suddenly notices his watch has stopped working.

He looks around looking for a watch shop nearby. At the end of the street he sees a small store with a big clock hanging outside and he goes over there. When he enteres the store, to his surprise he does not see a display of watches, but only a long counter, behind it sits a Jewish rabbi with a long white beard.

“Hello,” the man says, “Can you please check my watch, I think it broke down.”

“I’m sorry,” the seller says “I do not know anything about watches. I am a mohel. I perform circumcisions”.

“How nice,” the man answers “definitely important work.” He continues. “But if so, why did you hang a large clock outside your store?”

“Well,” replies the mohel “What do you expect me to hang out there?”

The Chicken in the Library

A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk and said, “Bok, bok , bok, bok.”

So, the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk and said, “Bok, bok, bok, bok.”

Once again the librarian handed the chicken a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again! It marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, then said, “Bok, bok, bok, bok.”

The librarian handed the chicken a third book, but this time decided to follow the bird. She watched the chicken hurry down the street and stop at a pond, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.

The chicken showed the book to the frog, but the frog just shook its head and said, “reddit, reddit, reddit”

Deathbed Wish

The old man is beloved in his community and everyone is sad. He calls his family in and tells them “for my last wish, I want a license to practice law. I don’t care how much you have to spend or who you have to bribe but I can not die happy unless I have that license.”

They are very puzzled but are determined to carry out his last wish. It takes a couple of weeks but they bribe some officials and get someone to claim to be him and pass the bar exam. Finally the license arrives when he is on his deathbed.

He says “Now I can die happy knowing that some good will come of this, and my friends and family will not be sad, because now when I die there will be one less lawyer”

The Animal Outhouse

The forest animals decided that they didn’t like stepping on crap every day, so they got together and built an outhouse.

Everything was great and forest floor was much cleaner after that. But one day, they found out, that window on the outhouse was broken. So they held a meeting and asked if anybody knew anything about the broken window.

Sheepishly, the rabbit said, “I am a bit embarrassed, but last night I was using the outhouse, when the bear came in. He grabbed me, did his business, then he wiped his ass with me and threw me out the window.”

The animals reprimanded bear and made him fix the window, but after a couple of days the door was smashed. Another meeting was called and again asked if anybody knew anything about the broken door.

Sheepishly the fox said, “I am a bit embarrassed, but last night as I was using the outhouse, the bear came in. He did same thing with me as with rabbit a few days ago, but he threw me out through the door.”

So the animals again reprimanded the bear, made him repair the door, and explained as best as possible that this behavior will not be tolerated.

Then two days later, the whole outhouse was destroyed. It was completely smashed to pieces. Again a meeting was called and asked if anybody knew anything about it.

Sheepishly, the porcupine said, “I am a bit embarrassed…”