Parachute Problems

In the Army, Airborne soldiers attend special training to parachute out of planes. During one particular class, the topic was on what to do in the event that the main parachute fails. After covering the basics on the reserve parachute, one soldier raised his hand.

After the instructor acknowledged the young private, he asked, “How long do we have to deploy the reserve if the main parachute malfunctions?”

Looking the troop square in the face, the instructor replied, “The rest of your life.”

Smoldering Smile

Mitch saw a gorgeous lady at the end of the bar and flashed his best smile at her.

The woman noticed and immediately took interest. She casually strolled down the bar towards him, and took a seat next to him.

“I couldn’t help but notice your smile,” she said in a sultry tone. “Could I interest you in leaving this bar and going someplace else?”

Grinning from ear to ear, Mitch replied, “Sure thing, darlin’. Where to?”

She looked into his eyes and cooed, “The dentist.”

Canine Chess

Bob stopped over to see his buddy Jason, and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can’t believe it!” exclaimed Bob. “That has to be the smartest dog that ever lived!”

Jason shrugged, “He ain’t that smart. I’ve beat him the last three out of five.”

Printer Repairs

The printer output on the work center began to grow faint, so the business owner called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the business owner he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Surprised by the candor, the business owner asked, “Does your boss know that you’re discouraging business?”

“Actually, it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

A Short Marriage

It seemed like the honeymoon was over before it started, and the unhappy couple decided to end their marriage after a very short time. They had already went to a marriage counselor in an attempt to reconcile, but to no avail the couple ended up in court to finalize their divorce.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.”

The wife interjected, “Seven weeks.”