A nine year old boy was standing on the street corner smoking a cigarette.
A preacher walking by noticed the young lad and scolded, “Aren’t you a little too young to be smoking cigarettes?”
“That’s nothing,” said the kid as he took a puff. “I lost my virginity last year when I was 8.”
“What? How did that happen?” exclaimed the shocked preacher.
“Honestly, I don’t remember,” remarked the boy. “I was too drunk.”
The lady of the house noticed that several pairs of her panties had seemed to have gone missing.
Suspecting the maid had stolen the panties, she accused the housekeeper in front of her husband.
The husband protested the notion and insisted there must be some other explanation for the missing lingerie.
The woman fumed, “Why are you defending this larcenist?”
The maid piped up and explained, “Because he knows I never wear panties!”
The baby was about due. Janet had been pregnant for nearly 40 weeks with her second child, and she was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth.
While keeping in constant contact with her obstetrician, he asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.
Janet thought about it for a moment, then asked, “Can’t you just meet me in the parking lot?”
A man sent a package to a friend by mail, but it never arrived. He went to his local post office and asked them to track it down.
“It’s not that simple,” the clerk scolded. “You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take one.”
The clerk rummaged under the counter, then went to another clerk who did the same, then went back to the manager’s office, only to return and confess, “You’ll have to come back later. We can’t find the forms.”
I Finally Got my Taxes Done.
Being a wage slave, I generally get some money back from the fed and the state, but I always end up owing the city. That and the whole “doing your taxes” process always tends to grind my gears.
Here in my state, the employer takes out payroll taxes for the city you work in. I live in one city, but work in another. If the municipality I worked in had an equal or higher tax rate, I wouldn’t pay my hometown a dime. But my city is the metropolitan hub and therefore has a higher rate, so I have to pay them the difference, and I always resented that part.
Well, a few years ago my city raised their income tax rate from 2.25% to 2.5%. That increase of 0.25% prompted all the smaller satellite cities to up their game from 2% to 2.25% the following year. If you know how percentages work, then you realize that identical increases of disparate amounts results in a net lower disparity between the two amounts.
That means I actually owe my own city less on my taxes each year in spite of the fact that everyone raised their taxes. Yes, I am paying more taxes overall, but if you know how much I hate my city’s tax department, paying my hometown less than they would have gotten if they had just left things alone and not jacked up their rates, kinda makes it feel like a small victory.
Happy tax day.
I managed to get a couple jokes from George’s emails. Thanks, George. I’m coming up short this week, so I might end up grabbing some jokes from Glenn’s emails… That is, if I can even find any we haven’t used already. Meanwhile, if you just happened by this place and want to do something totally crazy, leave us a joke on our submission page. You can also send in jokes via email@example.com. And thank you to everyone who visits this site.