Sunday, February 17, 2019

Bronchitis

It was round about late Tuesday morning when I felt that nagging little irritating spot in my sinus cavity. Like when a piece of dandelion fluff goes up your nose, and you can’t get it out. Not even sixteen hours later, my entire throat was on fire, and I would be staying home from work that day.

A day an a half later, it was clear that the shit had settled into my bronchioles. Every breath would crackle and wheeze with the sound of mucous. I coughed so much, I thought my throat might tear open, leaving me to drown in my own blood. Somehow I survived.

Do you want to know the most amazing thing about this rapid onset of bronchitis? It’s the fact that I haven’t had bronchitis in over nine years! I used to get this stuff once or twice a year, but back in 2010, I started vaping, and a year and a half later I had smoked my last cigarette.

Over time, I had stopped coughing up lung butter every morning in the shower. Of course I had a few colds here and there, but it never settled into my chest like this one just did.

Now these days I know how fashionable it is to shit all over vaping and criticize how it’s getting young kids hooked on nicotine with fruity flavors, but the harsh reality is they would have been smoking “Black and Milds” or “Kool” cigarettes otherwise.

I hardly vape anymore. I fill my tank maybe once every two weeks… Maybe. I charge the battery about as often. I keep it around more as a security blanket than as an actual daily habit. Whether I’m using it or not, I’d like to continue to hang onto it if it’s all the same, thank you.

But this past week my new found superpower had failed me, and my throat is a raw, soar snot coated tube of flesh that reminds me just how delicate the balance is for health and wellness.

Stay healthy.


Kudos

George and darkmare continue their generous roles in providing jokes for our enjoyment. Of course anyone can contribute by using our submission page, or sending an e-mail to flush2x@gmail.com. Thank you for your support.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, February 17, 2019
So how would you rate this?

Works Like a Charm

A couple of socialites were conversing on the porch of a large white-pillared mansion.

The first woman said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.”

The the second woman replied, “That’s nice.”

The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that Ferrari you see parked in the drive.”

Again, the second woman commented, “That’s nice.”

The first woman boasted, “Then when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”

Yet again, the second woman commented, “That’s nice.”

The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”

The second woman replied, “My husband sent me to charm school.”

“Charm school!” the first woman cried. “For heaven’s sake, child, what on Earth for?”

“Well, it comes in very handy. For example, instead of saying, ‘Who gives a damn,’ I learned to say, ‘That’s nice.’

Works Like a Charm
1 vote

The Keys to Heaven

Three ladies had died and were waiting at the gates of heaven.

They were greeted by St. Peter and an assistant angel.

St. Peter approached the first lady and asked, “Were you a good girl?”

“Oh yes”, she said enthusiastically. “I was a virgin my entire life!”

“Very good”, said St. Peter. He turned to the angel and said, “Give this woman the golden key.”

Turning to the second lady, St. Peter asked, “Were you a good girl?”

“Oh, quite good”, she said. “I remained virgin up until the day I got married.”

“Very good”, said St. Peter. He turned to the angel and said, “Give this woman the silver key.”

Approaching the third lady, St. Peter asked “Were you a good girl?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t been a very good girl at all”, she said. “I practically had sex with every guy I ever met!”

“I see,” said St. Peter. He turned to the angel and said, “Give this woman my room key.”

The Keys to Heaven
1 vote

The Insurance Claim

After a fire had burned down their barn. The farmer’s wife called their insurance company and asked them to send a check for $175,000, since that was the amount for which the barn had been insured.

“We can’t just give you the money,” a company official explained. “But don’t worry. We will replace the barn and all the equipment in it.”

“In that case,” replied the wife, “I would like to cancel the policy I have on my husband.”

The Insurance Claim
1 vote