The Golden Soapbox
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What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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Big Auto is Big Bullshit
I am really starting to hate the automotive industry. So much of it is a racket, and here’s a little secret: A large part of what you pay for when you buy a car is production scrap. That’s a little fact they fucking hate, but it’s the truth. Ironically, a lot of the scrap is created because of stupid policies so they can claim they’re being “responsible” or “sustainable” or “going green” or whatever buzzword they think will get them a promotion. It really is funny how car executives are so concerned about their image, but they never seem to realize that their narcissism is not very attractive either.
Every month the scrap rate is too high, the production numbers are too low, 12 hour shifts are the norm, burn-out is an understatement, people come, people go, and the pricks calling the shots keep blaming “lazy” workers. It’s funny just how far they will shove their own heads up their asses to avoid the blindingly obvious. Rushing people, overworking them, and deliberately trying to make their work environment uncomfortable because some psycho-dipshit convinced them it would improve productivity… It is all so incredibly myopic and stupid, I would not have believed it, had I not witnessed this farcical nonsense in person.
The amount of waste created by LEAN, Kaisan, Five S, and “the like” is a disgrace, and let me be clear, it is all a fraud. No matter what they tell you, the ideas still come from the top down. If they give credit to someone on the line it was only because they were toeing that line while someone higher up had already been musing the idea all along. The thinking goes that it would look more down to earth if one of their “epsilons” got the credit. In reality, it looks depressingly stilted and forced.
And the saddest part is, they can’t even build the fucking cars anymore. Have you seen the new car lots lately? Pickin’s are fucking slim, folks! They keep blaming it on the chip shortage, and yeah, there is a bottleneck there, but there is far more to this car shortage than a lack of Taiwan microchips. Think about it: After covid hit, industry developed and distributed hundreds of millions of doses of a new type of vaccine based on mRNA that requires only the most sophisticated technology that the world has ever known, but for some reason, they can’t make the fucking computer chips needed to drive a car?
OK, well I hope you enjoyed my little angry rant. I just want to say thanks to whoever for putting in a couple of jokes. I went ahead and queued them up for Monday and Tuesday. As always, the submission page is at your disposal.
Also I want to mention that I am still basically on “hiatus”. That just means that for the foreseeable future, updates will continue to be far and few between.