The Mosquito Trap

A new mosquito eliminator just came out on the market that promises to effectively kill 98% of all mosquitoes. It comes as a kit with a bowl of salt, a bowl of tequila, a banana peel, and a rock.

So the idea is, you set out the four objects next to each other. The mosquito will see the salt and think it is sugar. It will fly down and lick the salt making the mosquito thirsty. Then it will see the tequila and think it is water so it will drink the tequila and get drunk. As the mosquito stumbles away, it will slip on the banana peel, fall, and smash its head on the rock.

The mosquito will then die of CoVid 19.

Sunday, September 6, 2020

I Love My Dog

So during the last fireside chat, I might have given some of you the impression that I don’t like my dog. Well, I do, but with such boundless energy she can be very tiring. I’m getting on in my years, and having a living bouncy ball sap my energy every day is frustrating.

But Gail is my baby girl, and though she often tests my limits, she does have her up sides. Off hand I can’t think of any, but… Oh wait! She does actually settle down, and when I’m sitting on the couch or lying in bed, she is right there snuggled up next to me. She looks at me in such a way as to tell me that I am her everything.

And Gail is still just a pup. Granted, she is an 85 pound musclebound pup, but her brain is still developing. It is always a pleasant surprise when something finally “clicks” in that head of hers, and she learns to control some of the less desirable aspects of her behavior.

Make no mistake, there is a long way to go before Gail is what I would consider a “good” dog, and I have had enough dogs to know the difference. In the meantime, she still gets plenty of toys and treats and belly rubs.

She is going to be great some day.

Pax,

-f2x

Bear Advisory

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.

They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.

Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear’s sensitive nose and it will run away.

It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.

Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Happy First Birthday Gail!

August 4 was Gail’s birthday. She’s come a long way since she was a little puppy, and she still has a long way to go.

Can I be frank though? I got Gail to help me cope with the loss of my beloved Grace who passed away nearly a year ago. Unfortunately this did not pan out like I’d hoped. Gail is a beautiful Labrador, but when you see her in person, it’s apparent she lacks the lovability that Grace had.

She has no impulse control. When you try to pet her she wants to chew on you, or jump on you, or claw/kick you. Not in a mean way, but in an overexcited loss of control way. She also swings her head around like it was a mace on a battle field.

She barks a lot. A LOT. She growls and barks at dogs and cats on the TV. She also howls like a %^&*ing beagle. This can happen out of the blue for no reason, and it’s beyond infuriating. It’s 3AM, not a creature in the whole neighborhood is stirring, and suddenly this dog starts howling and barking. Oh, the neighbors are not amused.

She’s a digger! Yeah, all dogs will dig, but this is done out of spite. It’s a shame I don’t have the mineral rights to my lot. If I let her out, and don’t supervise her the whole time, she will start excavating.

I could go on, but suffice to say, living with Gail has been a rather unpleasant and thus far unrewarding challenge. If I had known then what she would be like at one year, I would not have gotten this dog.

If there’s anything good to say, she seems like she’s genuinely happy here. She likes the food, the treats, the car rides, the walks, the games of fetch, and torturing the cat. Sometimes she even seems to like me.

Happy Birthday, Gail.

Pax,

-f2x