A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
Then a third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
Being the only single woman at the party, Sandra lamented how she would like to meet a real Renaissance man.
Karen remarked, “You know, I think my brother-in-law is a Renaissance man.”
With a look of eager interest, Sandra said, “Really? Does he have a broad area of knowledge and is an expert in a number of fields?”
“No,” replied Karen. “But he certainly looks as if he were born 500 years ago.”
A farmer in Alabama was driving across a bridge in his pickup truck when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below.
The farmer stopped his truck, ran up to the man and said, “Hey, why are you doing this?”
The man replied, “Well, I have nothing to live for.”
The farmer replied, “Well, think of your wife and children!”
The jumper replied, “I have no wife or children.”
“Well, then think of your mother and father!”
The man replied, “Mom and Dad passed on many years back.”
The Alabama man then said, “Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!”
The would-be jumper replied, “Who?”
With that the farmer said, “Jump you damn Yankee, jump!”
While looking though an old photo album of relatives long gone, the young lady asked, “Grandma, do you ever think about the hereafter?”
“I think about the hereafter every day,” the grandmother replied. “Every time I walk into a room or open a closet door, I think, ‘Now what was I here after?;”
A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and lawyer. The two came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.
They sat for a long while until the doctor quietly said, ”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Shouldn’t you tell us why you asked us to come.”
The old preacher wheezed and said ”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go too.”