Two college buddies ran into each other after many years. It turned out, one of them had actually had quite a bit of financial success, and his pal asked him how he did it.
“Well, you might think this sounds corny, but after graduation, I found God,” explained the former classmate. “After praying for guidance I opened the Bible at random, dropped my finger on a word, and the word was “oil”. Well, I invested in oil, and those oil wells gushed! A few years later I dropped my finger on another word and it was “gold”, so I invested in gold and the price soared!”
The friend was so impressed that he rushed home, grabbed his dusty old Bible off the book shelf, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page.
He opened his eyes to see where his finger rested:
A little girl was sitting on her grandpa’s lap studying the wrinkles on his old but kindly face. She gently ran her fingers over the wrinkles before touching her own face.
With a look of wonder and puzzlement, the granddaughter asked, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“He sure did honey, but that was a long time ago,” replied her smiling grandpa.
“Well, did God make me?” asked the girl.
“Yes, He did. About 5 years ago in fact,” answered her grandpa.
“Boy,” marveled the little girl, “He sure is doing a much better job these days, isn’t He?”
After years of scrimping and saving, Harold told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for back in 1999.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” said Harold sadly, “a 1999 Cadillac.”
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. One evening the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight for an out of state conference.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 am.”
The next morning the man woke up to discover it was after 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife did not wake him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
It said: “It is 5:00am; wake up.”
A preacher went into a bar and said, “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.”
Everybody stood up except for one lonely drunk in the corner.
The preacher approached the man and said, “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”
“When I die? Sure,” replied the drunk. “I thought you were taking a load up now.”