This man owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend, who tells him, “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I’m sending him over.” The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth”, the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. “Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” So the owners picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth. “Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes. “Ok, what about the eerth?” Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears. “OK, finally, can I see her twat?” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?
Gail’s Pic of the Week
New Day, New Job.
So it should be obvious that Gail is a completely black dog, right? But occasionally, the lighting in the room will impart a reddish or brownish hue on the fur, and the camera will pick up on that hue. That's just a lighting thing, and I thought people knew and understood that. It's like if you show someone a picture of a person holding up the leaning tower of Pisa, they understand that it's just a perspective trick, and that the person is not actually holding up the tower.
But the weird thing is how many times people will remark, "Oh, is she a chocolate Lab?" when one out of the six pictures I showed them happens to have ambient lighting reflecting off the coat. I really kind of wonder how they would react if I said, "yes" to that question, because maybe they would just leave it at that, but no, I tell them that she is a black lab, and that it was just the lighting in the room.
For some reason they always double down and remark, "Really? Her fur looks brown right there! Are you sure?"
I would think I would know if my dog had brown fur, but now, no matter what I say at this point, the person is either going to gas light me or go full on stupid by insisting that my dog, who is obviously stark black in every other picture, is in fact a chocolate lab, and I just haven't realized it yet.
I'll be starting my new job next week, and at some point people are going to ask me questions about myself, and the subject of pets is bound to come up. As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words, so when I scroll through the photos of Gail on my phone, I will be waiting for that moment when the person I'm showing them to asks, "Is she a chocolate Lab?"
And this time I might just say, "Yes."
Thanks Big D and TOR for dropping off some jokes last month. They will finally be featured this week. Sorry about the delay. The submission page is still the best way to share jokes with me because they are automatically added to the queue.
No promises on when the next update will be. I'll do my best to put something together when I find the time.
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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