Another Collection of Adult Jokes

1) A soldier’s wife sends him her nude photo with both legs wide open …
“Darling, I’ll wait like this till you come back!”
Soldier: That’s great. But who has taken this photograph??
2) Girl Friend: I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table …
Boyfriend climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please?
3) Husband is praying before going to bed …
Wife: What are you praying for?
Husband: For guidance.
Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!
4) A collage student comes to his class with broken spectacles …
Teacher: What happened?
Boy: I was kissing my Girlfriend.
Teacher: But how did your spectacles break?
Boy: She closed her legs!!
5) What’s the difference between a man & a woman …
A man always has the same DICK between his legs all his life …
A woman MAY NOT😁😁😁😁
6) After her operation, a blonde to the Doctor: How soon can I resume my sex life?
Dr: You are the first patient to ask this question after a tonsil operation!!
7) During sex, Man suddenly stops and remains motionless.
He then starts again and after some time stops to remain motionless once again.
This goes on for quite some time.
Wife: What the hell are you doing?
Man: I have seen this new technique on an internet porn site…
Wife : Stupid……. it is due to Buffering
8. Tension is when wife is pregnant! Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant! Horror is when both are pregnant! Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!🙊🙈🙉😊😊
9. The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the
sea tasted salty?
10. Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you? To see if you really mean it!!
Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.
11. Wives are funny creatures. They don’t have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does..
12. Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
13. The stock markets are now like an old man’s dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting screwed!
14. This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan ……. “We stare because we care!”
15. The saddest part of a man’s body is his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to “Hang Till Death!”
16. A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me…. twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn’t you call me in after he screwed you the first time?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
17. What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
18. If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
And if it bursts in a man’s underwear? Banana splits..
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda.
Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green astringent persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size.
But she warned Linda not to taste any of the green persimmons because they are so sour they would make her mouth pucker up, and she wouldn’t be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the priest climbed into the pulpit and said,
“Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday” 😬😱😜😝😝

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