Two young boys were talking to each other on the playground.
The first one said, “My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”
The other kid replied, “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”
The first responded, “Yeah, but what if they try to escape?”
It was Martin’s first day bartending, and while he knew how to make the most common cocktails, he had yet to master the local lingo.
“I’ll have a B and C,” requested a brunette taking a seat at the bar.
“Sorry, it’s my first day. What is a B and C?”
“It’s a Bourbon and Coke,” explained the Brunette.
A redhead walked up and said, “I’ll have a G and T.”
Martin looked puzzled and asked, “And what is a G and T?”
“It’s a gin and tonic,” explained the redhead.
A blonde sitting at the end of the bar shouted, “Hey bartender! Gimme a 15!”
Martin had no idea and asked, “What is a 15?”
“Do the math!” said the blonde. “It’s a 7 and 7.”
Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One turned to the other and said, “This town is getting to be so boring. For $5.00, I’d take off my clothes and streak through the flower show!”
Holding up five dollars, the other old fellow said, “You’re on!”
As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and ran completely naked through the front door of the town hall.
A huge commotion could be heard coming from inside the hall, followed by a loud applause. The streaker burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
“Wow, what happened?” asked his friend.
With a big grin, the old man said, “I won first prize for dried arrangement!”
The vehicle was clearly going well above the speed limit when the state trooper decided to pull over the driver.
Hoping to get off with a warning, the woman tried to appear shocked when the police officer walked up to her car.
“In all my life, I have never been stopped like this before,” she said to the officer with an indignant tone.
“What do they usually do, ma’am,” he asked, “shoot the tires out?”
On a whim, Jennifer decided to purchase the flight insurance at the ticket counter. She had some time before her flight’s departure, so she stopped at a Chinese restaurant in the concourse.
Everything seemed well until she read her fortune cookie: “Today’s investment will pay big dividends!”