Jewish Holidays

A Jewish girl explained to her Catholic college roommate that she would need to go home for Rosh Hashanah in late September.

The Catholic girl asked, “Is this the holiday when you light the candles?”

“No,” the Jewish girl replied, “That’s Hanukkah.”

“Is that when you eat unleavened bread?” the Catholic girl inquired.

“No,” the Jewish girl corrected, “That’s Passover. Rosh Hashanah is the holiday where we blow the shofar.”

“That’s what I like about you Jewish people,” remarked the Catholic girl. “You’re so good to your hired help.”

The Grocery Check Out

A woman was at her local grocery. She rushed up to the register with her items and set them on the conveyor.

The clerk had his back turned to her, so she cleared her throat and said, “Excuse me, I’m in a hurry. Could you please check me out?”

The clerk turned around, looked her up and down, and said, “Nice tits!”

The Window Washer

A beautiful young woman was getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glanced out her fifteenth-story bedroom window and saw a window washer outside.

Thinking she would rattle him, she slowly took off her dress. The window washer just went about the business of cleaning the windows.

Next, she removed her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just kept working away.

Taking her striptease to the full extent, she took off her bra and panties and began parading around her room. The window washer still took no notice of her.

Finally, the woman walked over to the window and just stood there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window.

At last the window washer put down his pail and said, “What’s the matter, lady, haven’t you ever seen a window washer before?”

Game Show Shenanigans

Chad and his wife were watching “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” while lying in bed.

Chad turned to his wife and asked, “Do you want to have sex?”

“Not tonight,” she answered.

“Well, is that your final answer?” he asked wryly.

Rolling her eyes his wife said, “Yes.”

Chad remarked, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started.

Huge Hole

A man went to the doctor and complained, “My asshole is too big.”

The doctor told the man to drop his pants and bend over so he could have a look. “Good Lord!” cried the doctor. “What could have made your asshole as big as that?”

Patient explained “I was fucked by an elephant.”

The doctor remarked “But an elephant’s penis is nowhere near that wide!”

The patient replied “He fingered me first.”