A Sad Realization

A man was sitting at the bar, staring into his untouched beer.

The bartender walked over and asked “What’s the problem, pal?”

With a heavy sigh, the man explained, “My brother just told me that there’s a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $50 for a donation.”

“Yeah, so?” asked the bartender.

“Don’t you see?” the man cried. “I’ve let a fortune slip through my fingers!”

A Fool Proof Plan

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They devised a fool proof plan and put their plan into action.

The brunette drove up to the front of the bank and let the blonde out to do her stuff.

The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car. Finally, the blonde burst out of the bank, with the alarm blaring. Behind her, the blonde was lugging a safe with a rope tied around it.

The security guard ran out of the bank with his pants down around his ankles as he attempted to pull out his gun.

The blonde tried to put the safe in the car but gave up and left it behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut as the car sped away.

The brunette frantically asked the blonde, “What the hell happened in there?”

The blonde blurted out, “What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!”

The brunette paused and yelled, “YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!”

The Innocence of Youth

An old farmer was getting concerned that his three daughters might not be as innocent as he raised them to be.

He was very concerned with how much they already knew about sex, so he decided to find out.

The farmer brought his 16-year-old daughter into the bathroom, dropped his pants, and said “Do you know what this is?”

“Yes, daddy,” said the young lady. “That’s a penis.”

The farmer exploded! He couldn’t believe it! “You’re grounded for a year!” he exclaimed, “and you’re going to read the Bible every day!”

He then brought his 14-year-old into the bathroom, and dropped his pants. “Do you know what this is?”

“Yes, daddy,” said the child. “It’s a penis”

Unbelievable! He grounded her for 2 years, and took away her allowance for the next four years!

Finally, he brought his 12-year-old into the bathroom, dropped his pants, and asked, “Do you know what this is?”

“No, daddy, I don’t.”

“What a good girl! I’m very proud of you! I’m going to raise your allowance! Anyway, this is called a penis.”

The girl laughed and said, “You call THAT a penis?!”

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Surviving Strep

Something I’ve been keeping a low key on was an ongoing sore throat. I figured it would eventually go away, but then it got hard to swallow. As of right now, my throat still hurts, but I’m finally on antibiotics. Let’s hope I can be rid of this in the next few days.

So why did I let it go on for so long? Partially because I was needed badly at work, and also because you couldn’t get in to see a doctor face to face because of the whole Covid19 hype. After the first of the month, a few places started opening back up. I was able to get in to see someone to swab my throat, confirm it was strep, and prescribe the antibiotics.

Of course now they’ve added “sore throat” to the list of symptoms for Covid19, but a month ago they were telling us that it wasn’t a symptom. Next month they are probably going to tell us that “blue eyes” is a symptom of Covid19. No wonder the nut jobs think this is a hoax.

When one side starts to get paranoid and the other side gets frustrated and annoyed, good things never happen.


Kudos

George keeps sending “inspirational” emails, so we are still relying on Glenn for the jokes. Maybe you should try getting off your lazy ass and help by sending jokes to my submission page or drop me a laugh or two off at my flush2x@gmail.com email address.

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.” ― Aesop

Pax,

-f2x