Fear of Commitment

Jane repined over the fact that her boyfriend seemed to be so afraid of commitment.

“Tell me about it,” said her friend Martha. “I’ve been living with this guy for over a year, and I finally had to give him an ultimatum.”

“Really?” said Jane, “What did you tell him?”

“I looked him in the eye and said, ‘Either tell me your name, or pack your shit and get out of my house!'”

So Didja Hear About the Cannibal…

…who passed his friend on the trail one day?


Cannibal, n.: A person who’s fed up with people.


Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped.


Two cannibals were having lunch.

One said, “Your wife sure does make good soup!”

The other replied, “Yeah, but I’m gonna miss her.”


People say cannibals are horrible folks, but the one I knew was just a regular anthropophagi.

Donations

In the clinic lobby, a man was arguing with the nurse on the other side of the counter.

“Now see here!” shouted the indignant man. “When I give blood, it’s not unreasonable to expect a nurse to extract it from me!”

Cooly, the nurse replied, “This is a sperm bank, Mr. Johnson. It doesn’t work that way.”

How do you get a gender-studies major off of your porch?

How do you get a gender-studies major off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza!


It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.

You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.


Why did the feminist fail algebra?

She couldn’t solve inequalities.


How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.


Genders are like the Twin Towers

There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject.

A Visitor to 221B Baker Street

The doorbell rang and since Mrs. Hudson was away for the weekend Dr. Watson answered the door.

When he opened the door, he saw a schoolgirl standing before him. “May I help you?” he asked the young lady.

“Sir, I’m here to see Sherlock Holmes,” she replied.

The good doctor showed her to Holmes’ study and quietly closed the door as he left the room.

A few minutes later, Watson heard what appeared to be the sounds of a great struggle coming from the room. Watson concluded that the evil Professor Moriarty had been cleverly disguised as the schoolgirl and was doing away with the great detective!

Bounding across the room, Watson burst through the door only to see a naked Holmes lying atop the schoolgirl.

Shocked by the display, the good doctor sputtered, “I say, Holmes, just what sort of a schoolgirl is this?”

Holmes looked up and calmly replied, “Elementary, my dear Watson.”