Legal and Logical

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student, “Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?” Professor, “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?” Student, “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”. Professor, “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?” Student, “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?” The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer, “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ” To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands. “All right,” says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer. “It’s quite easy, sir” says the student “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither legal, nor logical.”

The Old Joke About a New Salesman

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina.”
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”. The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you’re not in the mountains anymore, son.”
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”
The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65″.
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”
The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”
The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing!”

Your Ears

A guy rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
He smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him.
As they talk, her robe slips open, and it quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe.
Poor guy breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, “Let’s go in my apartment, I hear someone coming…”
He precedes her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She purrs at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”
The flustered, embarrassed guy stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out “Oh, it’s got to be your ears!”
She’s astounded! Why my ears? Looks at these boobs! They are full, don’t sag, and they’re all mine! My butt – it’s firm, doesn’t sag, and has no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven’s name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!”
Clearing his throat once again, he stammers – “Outside when you said you heard someone coming – THAT WAS ME!”

Sunday, June 20, 2021

I’m Still Kickin’

I am still on the fence with my new job. Sometimes I think it will work out, but then things go badly, and I end up wishing I had stuck to my original plan of working as an Amazon delivery driver. It really is starting to feel like I am trapped in an abusive relationship.

Only I am not trapped. If this keeps up much longer, I will bail and go with my original plan A. The money is good at my new job, but it ain’t that good. Amazon drivers work ten hour days four days a week. Three days off every week? YES PLEASE!

Overtime is available too, so that’s also nice.


Kudos

Thanks again for leaving us jokes on the submission page. Eventually things will have to get back to normal… whatever normal is anymore.

Pax,

-f2x

Holy Bath Night

Two Irish priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
“Oh look” says the first nun, “it’s a soap dispenser”.
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells…
“Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!”