Comforting Pain

She whispered “will it hurt me?” “Of course not” answered he “It’s a very simple process, You can rely on me.” She said “I’m very frightened, I’ve not had this before. My friend has had it five times And said it can be sore.”
It was growing rather painful,
Tears formed in her eyes, It was hurting quite a bit now, It must have been a size. “Calm yourself” he whispered “His face filled with a grin “Try and open wider, So I can get it in.” “It’s coming now” he whispered “I know” she cried in bliss. Feeling it deep within her now, She said “I am glad I’m having this.” And with a final effort She gave a frightened shout. He gripped it in anguish And quickly pulled it out. She lay back quite contended Sighed and gave a smile. She said “I’m glad I came now .You made it worth my while.”
Now if you read this
carefully, The dentist you will find Is not what you imagined. It’s just your dirty mind…

The Staff of Life

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning:

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke.

“Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”

“I agree.” Says the Father. “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?”

“Anything, Father.”

“I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.”

“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.”

The nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

“Sister, would you mind if I touched them?” She consented and he Fondled them for several minutes.

“Father, could I ask something of you?”

“Yes, Sister?”

“I have never seen a man’s appendage. Could I see yours?”

“I suppose that would be OK.” The Priest replied lifting his robe.

“Oh Father, may I touch it?”

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

“Sister, did you know, that if I insert my appendage in the right place, it can give life?”

“Is that true Father?”

“Yes, it is, Sister.”

“Oh Father, that’s wonderful. Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!” 😂

The Halfwit

A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the investigator

“Well,” replied the rancher, “there’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board.”

“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board.”

“Then there’s the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board.”

“But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to… the halfwit,” says the investigator.

“You’re talking to him,” replied the rancher.

Sunday, June 27, 2021

That Sense of Community

I am still pretty stoked with my car, and like anyone who gets infatuated with their toys, I want to learn as much as I can about it. There is only so much I can learn on my own, but thanks to the wonders of the internet, I can join one of the many social media forums to ask questions and get demoralizing replies from complete strangers!

My car is only being used as an example here. You can find social media for just about any passion project imaginable, and they all follow the same basic pattern, and this week I would like to share my observations on the structure of these social groups.

In all boils down to your founders, founders’ friends, groupies, newcomers, trolls, and usurpers.

The founders are the ones who started the community, set the stage, and worked to build a following. They encourage newcomers to join, but paradoxically they don’t really like a lot of the newcomers because they eventually see them as parasitic or possible marauders. Occasionally, the founders are replaced by usurpers, but more on that later.

Founders’ friends are people the founders knew from outside the group. They have a tendency to use their relationship to the founders as leverage within the community. Sometimes they even start to bully other members. When a community becomes toxic, they are usually to blame.

Groupies are the long time fans and contributors of the community. They typically don’t hold any positions of real power within the community, but they know the ropes and can use that knowledge to their advantage. You may also find entire subgroups within this group.

And then there are the newcomers. People who show up looking to join the community for various reasons, and are therefore the most diverse aspect of the group, and they can be broken up into the invited, the referred, the naive, and the cringe.

The invited should be obvious. A founder invited them, and at first they get preferred treatment. It is not uncommon for founders’ friends to get jealous and snipe these people, but sometimes they fit in just fine and move on to become founders’ friends or groupies.

The referred show up when a group member or even someone else recommends the group. They have a better than average chance at fitting in, but they were interested in the group’s main focus prior to knowing that the group existed. These people were not looking to join if someone else had not prompted them first.

The naive are those who recently became interested in a subject. Maybe they bought a telescope or a car or a comic book, and are now looking for like minded people to learn and share their experience and sought out a group to help them. The odds are against them when it comes to clicking with the group, but occasionally it can happen.

Finally we get to the cringe. They also come in a variety of flavors, but their main feature is that their interest is more focused on the community or group than on the interest of the group. Sometimes it’s like, “Hey guys, I bought the decoder ring! Can I join your club now?” They are essentially attention whores. Sometimes if the cringe type does not get the attention they crave, they can morph into one of our next two types: The trolls and usurpers.

I think we all know what trolls are, but just in case: Trolls are bad faith actors. They are there to mess with people. “Don’t feed the trolls” means never engage with them in discourse. If you take the effort to explain something to them, it will be in vain. If you argue with them, it will also be in vain. Any acknowledgement of a troll is likely to lead to problems for the community.

Finally, we get to the usurpers. They do not spend a lot of time chit-chatting with the community. These are entities that wish to take over a group. The usurper can be an individual, a private group, or a corporate interest. Basically they saw that some community existed, and decided they wanted to annex it for themselves. Sometimes they try to sway people to follow them instead, and sometimes they try to convince the founders to hand it over. Sometimes there is even an amicable exchange of funds. In any event, they want to be your group’s new leader.

If you look around, you’ll see this fascinating structure exists in all social settings. You’ll find it where you work, in schools, churches, cults, and anyplace people gather together on a regular basis. In modern times it is how online forums are structured. Even some families follow this.

While I’m sure you can get more granular, these are the main types that I could think of. Did I miss any?


After Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed this week’s exposition. It was something I started writing a few weeks ago, and today I thought I’d just go ahead and publish it.

In other news, I think my new job might actually be starting to grow on me a little, and it might just work out after all. Sorry Amazon.


Kudos

Once again, thanks to our main contributor, Big D. The submission page remains open for more jokes. As of this writing, there are currently 3 weeks worth scheduled in the queue.

Pax,

-f2x

Dealing with the Wife

Two married men were at the bar, the one looks at the clock and tells his friend, “I’m not looking forward to going home. My wife is going to chew me out again for being away drinking so late. Every time I’m out like this I try to sneak back home and into bed without waking her so she doesn’t know how late I’ve been out. I turn off the car and coast into the driveway. I take off my shoes and enter through the side door. I even get changed in the bathroom and then try to slip into bed unnoticed. But she always wakes up and then I have to stay awake and give appropriate answers for the next 30 minutes of angry lecture.”
“I never have that problem.” says the friend. “I roar into the driveway and bring the car to a screeching halt, slam the front door shut as I come in, throw open the bedroom door, jump in bed with her and slap her butt and say, ‘Guess who’s horny?!’ and then she pretends to be asleep.”

😀😀

Alfresco Shopping

A wife goes out shopping one day, wearing a skirt with no panties.

As she’s trying on shoes, the salesman helping her gets a look, and sees that she has no panties on.

He said, “Mmmm, I could eat that full of ice cream!”

She jumps up, says, “How dare you!”, slaps him and storms out.

When she gets home, she tells her husband what happened, and said, “What are you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing!? A man insults me that way, and you’re gonna do nothing!!?”

“First of all, you didn’t need any more shoes.

Second, I’ve told you not to go out of the house without your panties on.

And third, if he can eat that much ice cream, I’m not messing with him.”

Legal and Logical

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student, “Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?” Professor, “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?” Student, “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”. Professor, “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?” Student, “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?” The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer, “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ” To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands. “All right,” says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer. “It’s quite easy, sir” says the student “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither legal, nor logical.”

The Old Joke About a New Salesman

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina.”
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”. The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you’re not in the mountains anymore, son.”
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”
The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65″.
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”
The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”
The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing!”

Your Ears

A guy rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
He smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him.
As they talk, her robe slips open, and it quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe.
Poor guy breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, “Let’s go in my apartment, I hear someone coming…”
He precedes her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She purrs at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”
The flustered, embarrassed guy stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out “Oh, it’s got to be your ears!”
She’s astounded! Why my ears? Looks at these boobs! They are full, don’t sag, and they’re all mine! My butt – it’s firm, doesn’t sag, and has no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven’s name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!”
Clearing his throat once again, he stammers – “Outside when you said you heard someone coming – THAT WAS ME!”