Close Encounter of the Adult Kind

A husband and wife were sitting on the front porch one afternoon, enjoying the cool breeze and sunset.
As they say there, a small spaceship landed in the yard, and an alien man and woman stepped off, came up to the porch and introduced themselves.
After chatting for a while, the alien woman looks at the alien man, and says, “Should we ask them?”
The alien man shrugs and says, “Sure, why not?”
The alien woman looked at the couple and said, “We were wondering what sex was like with humans, and thought you might like to swap partners for the night to see what sex is like with us.”
The husband looked at his wife and said, “What do you think?”
The wife said, “I don’t know. We’ve never done anything like this before, but it might be fun. I guess we can if you want to.”
So the alien man and human woman go in one bedroom, and the man and the alien woman go in another.
As the alien man gets undressed, the woman noticed his penis and gasped. The alien man looked down and said, “Is something wrong?”
She said, “No, no. I’m sorry. It’s just here on earth they’re usually a little bigger.”
He said, “Oh. No problem.” He reaches up, pulls his right ear, and the penis grows out to about 7 inches long. “How’s that?”
“That’s fine, but there usually a little thicker.”
“No problem.” He reaches up, pulls the left ear, and it thickens up.
“That’s perfect!”
The couples spent the night together and came out for breakfast the next morning. After eating and visiting a bit more, the alien couple thanked the humans for the evening, said their goodbyes, and flew off.
The husband asked the wife what she thought.
She said, “It was fun and different, but I don’t care to do anything like that again. How about you? How’d you like it.”
He said, “Well, it was fun, but she damn near pulled my ears off!”

Sunday, May 30, 2021

Gonna Try to Keep This Going

So the comic is on hiatus again. That’s temporary, but unavoidable. I’ve decided to maintain this space, and therefore move Gail’s pic ahead of the comic in the layout.

Things are still shit, but I’m managing.


Kudos

Of course none of this would be happening if Big D and TOR weren’t putting jokes into the queue by using the submission page. Thanks so much! It really means a lot right now.

—Jus’ hangin’ by a thread.

Pax,

-f2x

Johnny’s Black Eye

Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!” “Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do those kind of things to women.” Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!” “But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”

Miscellaneous Funnies

1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said “morning”. He said “No, just taking a shit”.

2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole a bike and then prayed for forgiveness.

3. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting out “get this out of me? Give me the drugs”. She looked at me and said, “You did this to me you fucker,” I casually replied, “If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said “Oh no, it’ll be too painful.”

4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she told me “Because I am trying to examine you.”

5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghanistani neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, “What’s the fuckin matter Abdul, it won’t start! .”

6. My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said “Make love to me like in the movies”. So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair. She was a little upset. I guess we don’t watch the same movies.

Grandma’s Packing Heat

An 85 year old grandma lived so far out in the country she had a jackass for burglar alarm. Anyway last weekend grandma got stopped for speeding by the highway patrol.

OFFICER: Ma’am your driver’s license says you have a right to carry permit. Do you have a weapon with you right now?

GRANDMA: Yes sir. I have a 357 Magnum in the glove box, there is a 32 revolver in my purse, I have a 22 in my dress pocket and just for Grins and Giggles there is a fully loaded AR-47 in the trunk.

OFFICER: OH MY GOD LADY! That is a lot of Firepower. What on Earth are you so afraid of?

GRANDMA: Not a damn thing!