“This is the worst job I ever had,” said Jeff to his friend Steve.
“How long have you been there?” asked Steve.
Jeff thought for a minute and said, “About three months.”
“Well, why don’t you quit?” asked Steve.
“No way,” said, Jeff. “This is the first time in 20 years that I’ve looked forward to going home after work.”
After years of her children’s constant nagging, Granny finally went to the doctor’s office for a checkup.
The doctor was particularly impressed by the spryness of the old woman, and asked what kind of things she did to take care of her health.
Granny explained, “To improve my digestion I drink beer; for loss of appetite I drink white wine; for low blood pressure I drink red wine; and if I have a cold I drink whiskey.”
“Don’t you ever drink any water water?” asked the stunned physician.
“Heavens no!” exclaimed Granny. “I’ve never been that sick!”
Mark went to his usual pub and sat down at the bar.
The bartender asked, “What’ll it be?”
Mark sighed and said, “Just give me a glass of water.”
Stunned that one of his regulars didn’t order a pint, the bartender asked, “What’s eating you Mark? Why aren’t you drinking?”
With another heavy sigh, Mark said, “I don’t think I should drink anymore. I got so drunk yesterday that I blew chunks all night.”
The bartender gave an understanding nod and said, “Well, it’s not unusual to get sick after drinking a bit too much.”
“No, No”, replied Mark. “You don’t understand. Chunks is my dog!”
Bob heard a knock at the door and answered it. His next door neighbor, Jim, was standing there holding a notebook.
Jim asked, “Would you like to participate in an orgy tonight?”
Bob replied, “That depends. Who is going to be there?”
Jim responded. “Well, it’s you, me, and your wife.”
“I don’t think so!” Bob exclaimed.
“OK then,” said Jim. “We’ll take you off the list.”
Not This Shit Again…
OK, so basically I’m without a wired internet connection again. Spectrum is the only option here, and they just kept pissing me off. The intermittent problem grew exponentially worse, and they wanted to charge me to come out and fix it.
You have to understand that there is a 15′ length of coax cord from the box on the side of my house to the internet modem. I purchased a very high quality RG-6 cable and installed it myself. That coax cord is firmly attached, and doesn’t sway or move. The idea that it could be this line is laughable.
Then there is the modem itself. I guess in a world where anything is possible, it could be the modem, but the spectrum customer support rep says that from their end, the modem seems to be working normally. They insist that there’s a problem with the line.
OK… So where is the problem? Well, it’s on the line outside my house. You can even see the cable swaying down a bit lower than it used to. But spectrum wouldn’t send anyone out to fix it until I agreed to let them into my house. I said no, because there’s no reason to come into my house… unless I’m missing something.
Turns out, once they get inside your house they will touch your equipment to check for other issues. At that moment, you just got charged for the service call. Even if all they did was unscrew the coax, blow on it, and screw it back into your modem, they just serviced your stuff, and you will get screwed with the truck roll charges. You won’t even realize you got charged until the next bill, and then you waste hours of your life calling them in an attempt to get those charges removed. Good luck with that while you enjoy being put on indefinite hold. It’s a scam, and they’re good at it.
But I’ve got my own scam. I cancel them, wait a few weeks, call them back and sign up for their “everything but the kitchen sink” package with free installation and a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. Even though I DO NOT WATCH TV, or need another phone line, I have to order the whole enchilada to get that free installation. Now they have to make sure that everything is working for FREE, and after 28 days or so, I’ll cancel again because I’m not going to be satisfied with a TV service and phone line that I do not use. Now I just have to wait another few weeks, call up and order their internet with the special $44.99 “new customer” rates.
So it’s come to this. Maybe if Spectrum wasn’t a fucking monopoly, they might try a little harder to not be a bunch of scammy scumbags. All they had to do was send out a fucking truck to fix the cable coming off the telephone poll, and I wouldn’t be forced into fucking with them like this.
Fuck Spectrum.
Wait a minute… How are you still getting on the internet?
Oh, that’s easy. I have a wireless hotspot device. I unplug the cable modem from the back of my router and plug in a bridge device that turns my wireless hotspot’s WiFi signal back into ethernet. The router just thinks it’s a plain ol’ internet connection, and my whole house has reliable internet again. Even the phone calls over magicJack still work/sound great!
But aren’t wireless data plans more expensive than cable?
Absolutely! Wireless doesn’t come cheap. That’s why I have to keep trying to get Spectrum to work for me. In the long run, Spectrum is cheaper… even if they are assholes.
Addendum:
OK, so the hotspot is through T-Mobile. This time I opted for their 2GB plan, and after you use up the 2GB, they drop your speed down to “2G” speeds. Turns out, they drop it down to that of a dialup 14.4 modem. It’s been about 5 days, and I’ve already gone through the 2GB of “high speed” data. So you may be wondering, “Just how bad is the 2G speed?” Well, it’s a surprisingly mixed bag.
Using T-Mobile’s “unlimited” 2G speed is good enough to listen to Pandora. The magicJack is still doing fine with no noticeable drop in call quality. Alexa (AKA echo dot) easily plays music, streams iHeartradio, and otherwise functions normally. I can shop Amazon, read Wikipedia, Google things, and even manage this website. I’m kind of amazed at how well a lot of things are working.
What I can’t do is video. YouTube is basically unwatchable, and Netflix is pretty infuriating. Even animated GIFs are considerably painful.
Now this is with T-Mobile’s cheapest monthly plan of $20 a month. Sure, I could throw money at them and get more high speed data, but I want to try this “slow speed” internet for a while. I mean, just think about it: $20 a month, I can read websites, listen to music, and make phone calls. It’s actually not a bad deal, and once a month I get 2GB worth of high speed data that I can use for whatever.
Then again… I do like watching YouTube videos and Netflix, so I may be coughing up the extra cash for more of the LTE network before the 30 days is up.
Pax,
-f2x
Walking along the beach, a man found a bottle, and picked it up.
A magical genie popped out and said, “Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish.”
The man thought about it for a moment and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can’t because I’m afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sea sick. My wish is for you to build a highway from here to Hawaii.”
“I’m sorry,” said the genie, “but I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Think of the huge pilings we would need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it’s such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that’s just too much to ask. Impossible. Think of another wish.”
The man took another moment to think about it and said, “There is one thing I’ve always wanted to know. I’d like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with… You know, what makes them tick?”
A blank gaze fell upon the Genie’s face for a moment then asked, “Do you want that highway with two lanes or four?”
A man got on a bus, and ended up sitting next to a very attractive nun.
Enamored with her, he asked if he could have sex with her.
Naturally, she said no, and got off the bus.
The man went to the bus driver and asked him if he knew of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
“Well,” said the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”
The man decided to try it, and dressed up in his best God costume.
At eight, he saw the nun and appeared before her.
“Oh, God!” she exclaimed. “Take me with you!”
The man told the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty.
The nun agreed, but told him she prefers anal sex.
The next thing you know, they were getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex.
After it was over, the man pulled off his God disguise. “Ha, ha!” he said, “I’m the man from the bus!”
“Ha, ha!” said the nun, removing her costume, “I’m the bus driver!”
A ninety-year-old man stopped in his favorite bar, sat at the end, and ordered a drink.
He noticed a svelte seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar, and told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.
As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady in a cozy booth. Later that evening they went to her apartment where they got stinky and wrinkly.
A few days later, the old man noticed that he had developed a drip coming from his privates, and headed to the doctor.
After careful examination the doctor asked the patient if he had engaged in sexual activity recently, to which the old man proudly admitted he had.
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
“Sure, why?” asked the old man.
“Well you might want to get over there,” replied the doctor, “You’re about to come!”
A Jewish man was walking along the beach in Israel when he discovered a gold gem encrusted bottle.
He rubbed it, and a Jewish genie came out,”Oy! Thank heavens you let me out of there. For being so kind I will grant you one wish.”
The man thought for a moment and said, “Peace in the Middle east, that’s my one wish.”
The genie looked concerned and said, “Look, I’m sorry, but that’s just not possible. Some things can’t be changed. Do you have another wish?”
The man thought about it again and said, “I wish my wife would give me a blow job!”
The genie nervously paused for another moment and said, “So… How exactly would you define peace?”
