Monthly Archives: March 2021

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while … then he said,
“You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asks … “What does that mean?”
He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said …. “Oh, that’s so lovely … What about I, J, K?”
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly
optimistic about saving his testicles.

A man told his best friend he accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

The friend asked. Are u going to be all right?

I don’t he said. The next bathroon trip I take might spell disaster.

Two whales are swimming around in the ocean one day when the guy whale shouts at the girl whale says
“Hey look! That is the ship that harpooned and killed my daddy!

She says “ I think your right.”

He says Angrily “ I want to kill them! I want to hurt them! I want to mess them up!”

She says “I do to but I don’t that there is anything we can do to kill them.”

Well he comes up with a plan. What he lays out for her is for both of them to fill up their lungs with as much air as possible, swim under the ship, exhale all their air at the same time, and sink the ship.

She says “I don’t think that will work, we could never sink that ship!”

After talking about it for a little he talks her into it.

They go through to motions, get under the ship, and on the count of three they start exhaling. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh they exhale and empty all the air in their lungs!

Sure enough the water all around the ship gets aerated, the ship gets top heavy and flips over and starts sinking!

The sailors start jumping off the ship and they start swimming towards the land.

The guy whale says “Quick honey, eat the sailors before they get to the land!”

She puts her foot down and says “look I agreed to the blow job but I’m not swallowing the semen!!!!”

Dear Abby,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. It’s the usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife
has been going out with the girls a lot recently – although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just don’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my boat next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my boat, that I noticed that the lower unit seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Worried Sick in North Carolina

The Cowboy and Indians

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet

the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, “You going to die. But we sorry for

you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you

die.

What is first wish?” The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse.” The Indians

get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then

slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse

comes back with a naked blonde.

She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians

look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man … can only think of one

thing.”

The second day, the chief says, “What your wish today?” The cowboy says, “I

want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy

leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps

it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead.

She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their

heads, figuring, “Typical white man … going to die tomorrow and can only

think of one thing.”

The last day comes, and the chief says, “This your last wish, white man. What

you want?” The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians

bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them

hard and yells, “Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!”

d ladies who socialize together are having tea when one complained to the other,” my husband refuses to have sex with me. I turn to him in bed and he turns his back on me.
Her friend replied “The reason for that is that ad we grow older we get bigger down there and they don’t get much satisfaction anymore”.
Puzzled at this, the lady went home, drew her bathwater, and took the mirror off the wall. placed it on the floor, straddle it and looked trying to determine if, in fact, it was bigger than she remembered.
As she’s doing this her husband comes home, runs up the stairs and barges in to take a leak.
The door hits her in the elbow and she cries out
” you dam near broke my arm!
He replied, “You’re lucky you didn’t fall down that hole.You could have broken your neck!”.