Gail’s Sunday Pic
Sunday, June 29, 2025
Alex Died on June 19, 2025
I suppose I should start by telling you how it happened. It was an otherwise nondescript day back in February. I went to get out of my rocker-recliner and when I scooched forward to get up, the front armrests bottomed out on the floor as they always do. Unbeknownst to me, Alex just happened to be laying down there that fateful day, and his left arm managed to get pinched.
Of course he yowled the loudest I'd ever heard him yell in his entire life and shot off into the basement. I felt terrible about it, but then I had no way of knowing he was down there when I went to get up. After a short while, Alex came back upstairs, and I was able to check for injury.
Shockingly, there were no broken bones, no blood, and Alex was able to walk just fine. It almost seemed cartoonish at the time, but down the left side of his left arm was a ribbon of flattened fur. He seemed somewhat indifferent to this, and acted like he just wanted to put the whole thing behind him. Seeing as Alex didn't appear to be in immediate danger, I took a "wait and see" position.
Over the next month, the "ribbon" began to shrink inward towards his elbow. I took this as a good sign that his injury was healing naturally and everything would be fine... But things were not fine. After a month and a half, his elbow began to swell. By mid-April I had to take him in to the vet for an exam.
The vet did a fair bit of Hmmm'ing and scrunched her face a lot. She didn't want to poke it with anything for fear it might introduce something. She took some measurements and expressed a "wait and see" attitude. I then scheduled a follow up appointment two months out.
Only a month later in mid-May, the swelling on his elbow had increased to the point that it started to ulcer. I called the vet and got him in immediately. This time they tried to drain it, but it went horribly. After the first stick, Alex started squirting blood all over the place, and the vet and technician freaked out and were running around looking for towels while I had to hold my cat down in a growing pool of his own blood.
After they got things back under control, she tried again with a larger needle, and went in from a different direction. After plunging to the center of the mass, she remarked that it was solid and that the fluid had probably dispersed into the surrounding tissue. She then went on to suggest that it might even be "malignant" and recommended a biopsy. They gave me an estimate for the procedure that ran from $500 to $800. I immediately left and made an appointment with another vet that I had gone to in the past.
The next day, my alternate vet didn't have any good news. By now, Alex's arm was very infected. At first he suggested that the arm would have to come off, but after noting Alex's age, he pulled back and recommended palliative care. I pushed for a quote on the cost of an amputation, and he informed me it would be around $3500 at the lowest, and that at his age, Alex would only live another 6 months after the surgery, and to just stick with palliative care.
They gave Alex a shot of antibiotics, a shot for long term pain management, prednisolone tablets and a liquid antibiotic, along with an appointment to come back about a month later.
Over the memorial day weekend, I cleaned Alex's wound and administered his meds. Alex was still Alex though. He obviously wanted to live, so I began making phone calls. Eventually I got in touch with the Humane Society. It took week and a half to finally get in, but after looking at Alex's arm, their surgeon said that the arm was "not compatible with long term survival" and agreed to amputate it... in two weeks.
That was the longest two weeks of my life.
Every day that thing on his elbow grew bigger and bigger. In the final week, it started to split open. It looked like something out of a horror movie. The outer layer of skin died off and eventually I had to cut the hard chunk of dried flesh off with scissors. Fortunately the antibiotics prescribed by the second vet kept the wound site free from infection.
And through all of this, Alex was still Alex. He just kept on living his life like nothing was wrong. Even with that thing on his arm, he still walked normal, climbed up and down the stairs, jumped on the bed, table, dresser, et cetera. Part of me knew this cat was gonna make it, but part of me was scared that his arm was going to go septic and Alex would die.
I felt relieved on the day of the surgery. We made it through to this day! Alex would be a tripod, but he was going to live! I dropped Alex off at the Human Society and went to work expecting to pick him up between 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm.
My phone rang a little before noon. The voice on the other end informed me that the surgery had gone fine, and they didn't notice anything wrong during the procedure, but in the recovery room, Alex's heart rate began to drop, he went non-responsive, and his pupils dilated. The surgeon explained that sometimes a blood clot will break free during the surgery and make its way into the brain. Alex had had a stroke. There was nothing more they could do.
Moments later, Alex died.
Usually I show off pictures of Gail here, (she's doing find by the way). Gail is a fun dog who loves to constantly run and play, but Alex was the one that I could really count on for affection. He would hop up on my chest when I was resting in my recliner and purr. He would be there at the door to greet me when I came home. He would keep me company when I pooped. He would wake me in the morning, and insist I gave him a thorough petting before I went to sleep at night. He talked to me with his incessant meows, and made sure I never left the house without filling the food and water bowls. Alex loved to get his "full kitty massage" complete with belly rubs, and he was the kind of cat that would walk up and headbutt me to let me know I was his as much as he was mine.
The house feels so empty without him now.
I miss you Alex,
-f2xGET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!
Monthly Archives: December 2019
How to Tell if She’s Faking
It has long been established some women fake orgasms. The reasons vary from signaling fidelity, to mate retention, to hurrying things along so they can wrap up another disappointing affair.
While some men would rather not question whether or not an orgasm is being faked, it may be important to know whether she finds you to be a stud she is truly wild about, or a pathetic creature who needs to be patronized.
For those of you who would like to know, here are a few things you can try to determine whether or not she is faking:
1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she’s been looking at. If she says, “Dammit, I was reading that!” she was faking.
2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or sound like a familiar song, she can’t be concentrating enough on the “job at hand,” and must therefore be faking it. Either that or she really likes the song playing on her iPod.
3. Stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says, “Mmm, you were wonderful, baby,” she is faking it. If she says, “Don’t stop!” she probably isn’t. However, if she says “Don’t stop!” hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the excitement.
Astrological Afterwords
It is possible to deduce the zodiac sign of a new sex partner by the first thing they say after coitus.
Aries: OK, let’s do it again.
Taurus: I’m hungry. Pass me the pizza.
Gemini: Have you seen the remote?
Cancer: When are we getting married?
Leo: Wasn’t I fantastic?
Virgo: I need to wash the sheets.
Libra: I liked it if you liked it.
Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you.
Sagittarius: Don’t call me – I’ll call you.
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let’s try with our clothes off.
Pisces: What did you say your name was again?
Sex Terminology
A threesome is the term used for three people having sex.
A twosome is the term for two people having sex.
By extrapolation it should become obvious why people call you handsome.
An Alleged Affair
The lady of the house sat in the study with tears streaming down her cheeks. Upon entering the room her maid knelt by her side and tried to comfort her.
“Oh Marie,” the woman said to her maid, “I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.”
“I don’t believe it for one minute,” snapped the maid. “You are just saying that to make me jealous!”
Las Vegas Aftermath
Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time, but a few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trips.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to do that again!” said the first guy. “Since we’ve been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers ‘7 come 11’ all night long. I haven’t had a wink of sleep!”
“I hear ya, buddy,” the second guy replied. “My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we’ve been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers ‘hit me light, hit me hard’. I haven’t had a wink of sleep either!”
“You guys think you have it bad?!” exclaimed the third guy. “My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!”
Sunday, December 15, 2019
The Cold That Wasn’t
Man, I feel like I dodged a bullet this week. I think it was Tuesday that I stopped at Costco and got my flu shot. They only cost $20 there, and it’s on my way home. Needless to say a lot of people at work have been coughing and sniffing recently. ‘Tis the season as they say, so Thursday I started to feel that familiar tickle down the back of my throat, and by Friday the 13th, that tickle became rather unpleasant.
As I entered the weekend, I braced for what I fully expected to be a case of the crud. I cleaned my sinuses in the sink, took some Sudafed (the stuff that you sign for), took some vitamins, and ate some comfort food before going to bed. To my delight, I awoke without even a trace of symptoms. I felt… good. And that’s better than I usually feel.
This Sunday morning was was the same. No cold symptoms. I’m relieved, but still a little nervous. No one likes to get sick, but it’s one of those things that some of us have a hard time avoiding. Eventually I’m going to wipe my eye after touching a contaminated surface, and before you know it, I’ll be sick as a dog.
But for now I’m grateful. I have my health, and I don’t feel like existence is pain. I hope you feel just as well.
Kudos
George is on vacation, so let’s thank that sick puppy Glenn for the jokes this week. Yes, nothing says Christmas like a bunch of dirty jokes. Won’t you please consider sending some non-prurient humor to our submission page or flush2x@gmail.com?
“Be careful, as once you lose your health, it may be gone forever.” ― Steven Magee
Pax,
-f2x
Table Turning
Hard Of Hearing
Three old friends with a hearing loss were out taking a walk.
One remarked to the other, “It’s windy today, ain’t it?”
“No,” the second man replied, “It’s Thursday.”
The third man chimed in, “Me too. Let’s head to the bar and have a few beers.”
To Marry an Atheist
Maria ran into the room sobbing, “Mama, Mama! The man I love just told me he was an atheist! How can I marry a man who doesn’t believe in hell?”
Maria’s mother comforted her and said, “Dear little one, If you truly love him, marry him anyway, and together you and I will show him just how wrong he is.”