Pathos in the Plumbing
Strep Throat Still Sucks
For the past several weeks I'd been dealing with this painful lump in my throat that made it hurt to swallow. I knew it was either strep or cancer. The good news is, it doesn't appear to be cancer, but it has taken a couple different rounds of antibiotics to knock this shit out of me.
My lymph nodes are still sore, so I've been trying to get as much rest as possible. Not that simple when work keeps piling up at my job, but what else can you do?
I am getting better though.
Even Glenn's not sending me much in the way of jokes this week. It's not like anyone really reads these jokes anymore. I'll just start posting the latest Dow Jones reports. Got a joke? I'd love to hear it. Head over to the submission page and type it in for me! You can also email it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
"My sore throats are always worse than anyone's." ― Jane Austen
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What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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After answering the phone, Father Murphy was surprised to learn he was speaking with an IRS tax auditor.
“This is a church, and we are exempt from paying taxes,” the priest remarked.
“We are not interested your church,” explained the auditor. “One of your parishioners, Harold Bixby, indicated that he gave a $15,000 donation to the church last year. Can you verify if this is the truth?”
The priest smiled and said, “The check hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m sure I’ll have it when I remind dear Harold.”
An old truck driver was eating at a truck stop when three large bikers walked in.
The first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second spit in the old man’s coffee and took a seat at the counter.
The third turned over the old man’s plate and took a seat at the counter.
Without a muttering word, the old man got up from his seat and quietly left the diner.
One of the bikers remarked to the waitress, “Not much of a man, was he!”
The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just drove his semi over your motorcycles!”
Fred noticed his neighbor, Justin, had not been going in to work and decided to mention it to him.
“I got fired,” Justin stated matter-of-factly.
“Fired?” remarked Fred, “Why did they fire you?”
Justin explained, “You know how the boss always stands around watching people but never doing anything?”
Fred chuckled, “Yeah, I know. Did you say something about it, and it pissed him off?”
“Well no,” sighed Justin. “People around the shop started thinking I was the boss.”
While waiting in the reception area of her new dentist, Mary noticed the doctor’s full name. She suddenly realized it was the same name as a boy she went to high school with over 20 years ago.
Of course all those years had taken their toll, because the young boy was now a middle aged man who no longer resembled his younger self.
After the exam, Mary asked him which high school he attended and the year he graduated. He told her and she exclaimed, “I knew it! You were in my class!”
He looked closely at Mary before asking, “What did you teach?”