An Evening to Forget

An older couple, Hubert and Valerie, had left the restaurant and were on their way home. They were only a few blocks from their house when Valerie remembered that she had accidentally left her glasses at the restaurant.

Obviously irritated, Hubert grumbled as he turned the car around and headed back to the establishment. He couldn’t help but berate his wife the whole time on their return trip. Valerie began to deeply resent his belittlement of her, simply because she forgot her glasses.

When Hubert pulled into the parking lot, Valarie got out of the car and was relieved that she was momentarily away from Hubert’s complaining.

Just then, Hubert rolled down his window and shouted, “And while you’re in there, you might as well make yourself useful and grab my credit card and hat!”

Wealthy Buyouts

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim, and a Jew were old friends having a discussion
after dinner.

The Catholic announced, “As you all know, I have a very large fortune, and I intend to buy out Citibank!”

The Protestant chimed in and said, “I too am very wealthy, and I’m making it my mission to buy out General Motors!”

The Muslim remarked “Well, I am a fabulously rich prince, and I have made it my intention to purchase all of Microsoft!”

The first three waited for their Jewish friend to speak.

The Jew stirred his coffee, placed the spoon neatly on the table, and took a sip. He then looked sternly at his comrades before saying, “I’m not selling.”

Meandering at the Mall

With only 57 days to go, Linda dragged Roger to go Christmas shopping with her at the mall. After walking from store to store for what seemed like hours, Roger quietly slipped away.

When Linda realized her husband had disappeared, she called his cell phone and angrily demanded, “Where the hell are you?”

Roger replied, “Darling, do you remember the jewelry shop where you fell in love with that diamond necklace, but we never had the money to buy it?”

Linda blushed as she smiled and said, “Yes I remember, my love.”

“Well, I’m in the bar next door to that shop.”

Grandma’s Birthday Present

Mike was late coming home from school. His sister asked him what took him so long.

“I had to pick up a football for Grandma Brown’s birthday,” explained Mike.

His sister’s mouth nearly dropped to the floor. “You can’t give Grandma a football for her birthday,” she scolded. “She’s doesn’t even like football!”

Mike retorted, “Well then maybe she shouldn’t have gotten me books on my birthday!”

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Poco a Poco

And now it’s time for the weekly Gail report.

I have had nearly 4 weeks with my new pup, and Gail is now 12 weeks old. It is utterly amazing how long that four weeks feels, but also how much progress has been made. Just yesterday she was able to go down the back door stairs for the first time.

This is a huge breakthrough, since she has to go down three steps in order to go outside. Once she started doing it on her own, we practiced again and again, down the stairs, out the door, around the yard, in the door, up the stairs, and have a treat! Huzzah!

And after all that, she still went in and pissed on the carpet, but that’s what the Bissel is for… That’s also why I’m replacing the wall to wall carpet with the sheet vinyl flooring that I purchased from Home Depot a couple weeks ago. It looks like real wood. I’m installing it myself, so it might take me a while.

One other thing Gail has managed to accomplish is getting up onto the couch on her own. She’s still working on being able to jump up onto the bed, but for now there is a step she can use to climb up on her own.

She fully grasps the concept of her name, and usually obeys “come here”. We’re also making pretty good progress on “stay”, and most importantly, “Let it go” with regards to the cat. As Gail has gotten bigger, putting an end to her predatory cat chasing is an absolute priority.

Of course to train her, I grab her by the neck and slam her against the wall as hard as I can while yelling, “Let it go!” She usually drops the cat after the first three slams, but more recently it feels like she’s finally starting to take the hint and avoid the cat altogether… Don’t I wish… If I’m not there to say, “A-Ah! Let it go!” followed by a treat, she will chase Alex like a walking squeak toy.

And that’s why four weeks feels like forever. A few nights ago she picked up her water dish and slung it around the kitchen while I was doing the dishes, then she chased the cat while I stumbled around on the newly installed “Slip ‘N Slide”.

But then she curled up next to me in bed last night and slept like a little angel, and for a moment I thought, it’s going to be all right.


Kudos

Once again, a big shout out to Glenn and George, and a reminder that our submission page is for sumbitting jokes, not spammy garbage about making money on YouTube. Same can be said for using flush2x@gmail.com as well. Great for sending jokes, but at least Google does a fine job of filtering out the junk.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

Pax,

-f2x