After years of scrimping and saving, Harold told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for back in 1999.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” said Harold sadly, “a 1999 Cadillac.”
Gail is Growing
You know, I’m not really a big fan of puppies. The best part about puppies is that they grow up to be dogs. The dog is where it’s at. The puppy is this cute but highly annoying stage in a dog’s life, so as I see Gail getting bigger, you can bet I’m thrilled and relieved that months from now I’m going to have an amazing Labrador that I can take places and do things with, because my dog will know how to act.
But I know some people just like puppies, so here she is in all her maximum cuteness, forever immortalized in a GIF of her barking.
And now she wears a “bark collar” so that shit ain’t gonna happen no more.
I love my dog, but I’m not above using every dirty trick in the book to make sure she turns out right.
Speaking of dirty tricks, this weeks jokes are brought to you by Glenn and George. See if you can spot the difference. Better yet, send in a joke you heard to our submission page for a chance to see me mention your name or alias right here in this space next week. You can also send it to flush2x@gmail.com if you feel so inclined as well.
To err is human. Forgiveness is not our policy.
Pax,
-f2x
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. One evening the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight for an out of state conference.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 am.”
The next morning the man woke up to discover it was after 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife did not wake him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
It said: “It is 5:00am; wake up.”
A preacher went into a bar and said, “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.”
Everybody stood up except for one lonely drunk in the corner.
The preacher approached the man and said, “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”
“When I die? Sure,” replied the drunk. “I thought you were taking a load up now.”
