Pathos in the Plumbing
Gail is Growing
You know, I'm not really a big fan of puppies. The best part about puppies is that they grow up to be dogs. The dog is where it's at. The puppy is this cute but highly annoying stage in a dog's life, so as I see Gail getting bigger, you can bet I'm thrilled and relieved that months from now I'm going to have an amazing Labrador that I can take places and do things with, because my dog will know how to act.
But I know some people just like puppies, so here she is in all her maximum cuteness, forever immortalized in a GIF of her barking.
And now she wears a "bark collar" so that shit ain't gonna happen no more.
I love my dog, but I'm not above using every dirty trick in the book to make sure she turns out right.
Speaking of dirty tricks, this weeks jokes are brought to you by Glenn and George. See if you can spot the difference. Better yet, send in a joke you heard to our submission page for a chance to see me mention your name or alias right here in this space next week. You can also send it to firstname.lastname@example.org if you feel so inclined as well.
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GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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A man took his pitbull to the vet and said “My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do to help?”
“Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.”
The vet picked the dog up and took a good look at its eyes.
The vet shook his head and said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” said the man.
“No,” replied the vet. “It’s because he’s heavy.”
During a heated quarrel with his parents Marty yelled, “I’m tired of this run down town! I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I’ll never find it here at home, so I’m leaving, and don’t you try and stop me!”
With that he headed toward the door.
His father got out of his chair and followed the young man.
“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you to try and stop me.”
“Who’s trying to stop you?” replied his father. “I want to go with you.”
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of my organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
Jacob was nursing a beer while complaining about how his wife was an ungrateful wench.
The bartender, lending a sympathetic ear, asked what happened.
“It was her birthday, so I bought her a bag and a belt,” explained Jacob. “She said it wasn’t good enough and threw me out!”
“It does seem a bit ungrateful,” remarked the bartender.
“I know, right?!” slurred the man. “It even made her vacuum cleaner run like new again!”