The Cross-eyed Dog

A man took his pitbull to the vet and said “My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do to help?”

“Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.”

The vet picked the dog up and took a good look at its eyes.

The vet shook his head and said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” said the man.

“No,” replied the vet. “It’s because he’s heavy.”

Sick of a Small Town

During a heated quarrel with his parents Marty yelled, “I’m tired of this run down town! I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I’ll never find it here at home, so I’m leaving, and don’t you try and stop me!”

With that he headed toward the door.

His father got out of his chair and followed the young man.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you to try and stop me.”

“Who’s trying to stop you?” replied his father. “I want to go with you.”

The New Partner-in-law

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of my organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

Birthday Bumble

Jacob was nursing a beer while complaining about how his wife was an ungrateful wench.

The bartender, lending a sympathetic ear, asked what happened.

“It was her birthday, so I bought her a bag and a belt,” explained Jacob. “She said it wasn’t good enough and threw me out!”

“It does seem a bit ungrateful,” remarked the bartender.

“I know, right?!” slurred the man. “It even made her vacuum cleaner run like new again!”