The Golden Soapbox
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!
The Not so Instant Pot
I was thinking about getting a rice cooker. My old microwave used to make perfect rice, but my new microwave doesn’t pull it off quite so well. I think it had something to do with the old microwave being so old it had the power output of an incandescent bulb that reacted with the magic rust on the interior to produce Krieger waves. Newer microwaves can’t begin to run that shitty.
My old recipe was a couple cups of rice, three cups of water, a couple tablespoons of oil, a tablespoon of powered chicken bouillon, a teaspoon of garlic powder, a chopped onion. a couple cups of frozen peas and carrots, a can of sliced mushrooms, and a finely diced boneless/skinless chicken breast. Stir it up in a very large glass mixing bowl, and nuke it for about 30 minutes. On my old microwave, it worked perfectly every time, but I would advise you not to try this at home as my new microwave doesn’t yield the same results.
That’s when I started thinking about getting a rice cooker. After much hem hawing, I ended up with a $44 Instant Pot Duo Mini from Amazon, and the first thing I did was use it to make plain white rice. The fact that following all the instructions was a bit more complicated than making babies didn’t phase me. No, the part that shook me was that all the hype about cooking a meal in 5 minutes was total horseshit.
So yeah… You set the “timer” for 4 minutes, but that puppy doesn’t kick in until the damn thing gets up to temp… and that takes nearly 20 minutes. Even after the timer stops cooking, you still have to let it sit for another 15 to 20. Ultimately it took around 40 minutes to cook a cup of rice. I could have cooked it on my stovetop in far less time.
But to be fair, it was really good rice.
I’ve since adapted my old microwave rice recipe to the Instant Pot. Everything is the same, but only use 2 cups of water instead of 3, because you don’t have to take the evaporation into account. It comes out perfect every time, and it makes a ton of fluffy delicious rice in about 45 minutes.
And that’s about all I’ve done with the damn thing.
OK, so you know how this next part goes. Thanks, George and Glenn… although I did have to steal a couple of jokes from the net to fill out all five days. As you know, we have our submission page if anyone would like to help out, and my email is still email@example.com, if you’d care to send jokes that way instead.
If you are reading this, it means you are blessed, and great fortune will soon find you.