Saving it for Marriage

A mother walked by her young son’s room and saw little Johnny masturbating.

Later, she had a talk with him and told him that good little boys save it until they are married.

A few weeks later, the mom was having another talk with little Johnny. “How are you doing with that problem we talked about, dear?” she asked.

Little Johnny cheerfully replied, “Great! So far, I’ve saved nearly a quart!”

Scotsman’s First Baseball Game

A Scotsman moved to Canada and attended his first baseball game in Toronto.

The first batter approached the batters’ box, took a few swings, and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run”

The next batter hit a single. The Scotsman listened as the crowd again cheered, “Run! Run!”

The Scotsman was enjoying the game and began screaming with the fans.

The fifth batter came up and let four balls go by. The Umpire motioned the player to walk.

The batter started his slow trot to first base. The Scot stood up and screamed, “Run ye lazy bastard, RRUNN!”

The people around him began laughing, and the embarrassed Scot sat back down.

A friendly fan noted the man’s embarrassment, leaned over and explained, “He can’t run; he’s got four balls.”

The Scot stood up again and screamed, “Walk with pride, Laddie!”

Sunday May 29, 2016

So much for that idea

A week ago Saturday, I decided to try posting jokes over the weekend to see if it would boost weekend visitors. The result? Fewer visitors not just on the weekend, but throughout the week as well.

So naturally this made me very unhappy. Nevertheless, I shall continue posting weekend jokes for the time being. To those of you who still bother to tune in, you’re welcome.



PS: I’m done with the Pathos series…

                            …for now.

A Sunday Sermon

A visiting minister began the offertory prayer:

“Dear Lord,” he said with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust…”

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mommy, what is butt dust?”

Race Horse

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?” the man asked.

The wife replied, “That was for the piece of paper with the name ‘Jenny’ on it that I found in your pants pocket.”

The man then said, “When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on. I won big, too.”

The wife apologized and went back to her housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan.

Picking himself up off the floor, the man asked why she had hit again.

The wife replied, “Your horse phoned.”