Sunday, January 31, 2016

Five more jokes are in the queue, and things are kinda going OK at the moment. I find it odd, however, that Bing’s image search is still hot-linking to where the image files used to be located… Oh, how can I explain this…

Before 2016, all the images were stored like this:

As of January 11, 2016, the “/year/month” part of the address had been removed so that all images are stored directly under “./wp-content/uploads”. A week later, Bing, Yahoo, and something called Kik began referring people to those images in their old locations, which of course results in a 404 not found page. What’s worse is the search terms used had nothing to do with the image they were trying to view.

I know what you’re thinking… Maybe they were linking to those images all along, and you just noticed it when the 404’s started happening… Well, no… There was simply no direct linking to any of my image files until a week after the change. I check for that stuff, because in the past I would have been ecstatically flattered if someone hot-linked to one of my comics in some forum, but that never happened, and these are just search engines lumping my comics with random offensive search terms that aren’t related to the comic. The whole experience has led me to permanently disable hot-linking. Although I’m not too happy about the way in which my webhost actually handles the hot-link blocking situation, it’s the best I can do for now.

So more controls have been put in place, more IP addresses have been blocked, and that includes every IP address belonging to Microsoft to keep them from crawling my site for at least the next 90 days. Fingers crossed, I’m hoping the overall traffic to the site will start to look more legit in the coming weeks.



The Wine Taster

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunk with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.

The director of the winery was skeptical, but gave the vagrant a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”

“That’s correct”, said the astonished director. “Here, try another.”

“This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results. ”

“You’re absolutely right. Here, try this glass.”

“It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and very exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.

She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.

The old drunk tried it. “It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get the job I’ll identify the father.”

The Severe Sunburn

A man fell asleep on the beach. He woke up several hours later with a severe sunburn to his legs. His skin had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. He was rushed to the nearest hospital.

The lead on the medical staff at the hospital checked him out and prescribed intravenous electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.

Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, “What good will Viagra do him in that condition?”

The doctor replied, “It’ll keep the sheet off his legs.”

The Strange Visitor

Kenny came home from work one afternoon and was stopped by his neighbor.

“It may be none of my business, but this afternoon a strange man came to your house and your wife let him in. I peeked in the window and saw them making wild, passionate love.”

Kenny said,”Was he short, about 5’4″?”

“Yes,” the neighbor answered, “I believe he was.”

“Did he have a droopy eye, and appear drunk?” Kenny asked.

“Yes,” the neighbor agreed.

“Then that was the mailman, Jim,” Kenny responded. “He’ll screw anyone!”

The Snooker Honeymoon

A champion snooker player, got married.

It was the first night of their honeymoon.

His beautiful wife lay spread across the bed wearing only a scanty silken black nightdress.

The groom came out of the bathroom totally naked with a long stiff erection, and walked slowly to the foot of the bed. He didn’t utter a sound but simply stood there looking at her and chalking the end of his erect penis.

This went on for over ten minutes, the only movement being the slow rhythmic chalking of the tip of his penis and the movement of his head from side to side as he stared at her lying on the bed.

Eventually, moist with excitement and shaking with anticipation she tore off her night dress and slowly spread her legs wide open waiting for him to take her.

The snooker master simply raised his eyebrows, cocked his head to the side and continued to slowly stroke the soft chalk across his penis as he stared intensely at the pleasures he saw between her outspread legs.

It was too much for her to stand, writhing in an agony of expectation and frustration she screamed out, “For God’s sake what are you waiting for?”

As he gently stroked the chalk across his throbbing penis and blew the loose chalk off its end, he smiled and while looking even more closely between her smooth thighs quietly told her, “I’m trying to decide whether to go for the tight brown or the easy pink.”