Quick Thinking Clerk

A man walked into a grocery store, “I would like half a head of lettuce.”

The teenager working there answered, “Sorry sir, we only sell full heads of lettuce.”

“But I only want half a head”

“Sorry, but we can’t do that”

Getting angry, the man demanded that the boy speak to the manager. So the teenager went back to the manager, and told him “Sir, there is some asshole in the store who wants half a head of lettuce…” When he turned to point out the the customer, he saw that the man was standing directly behind him. “And this gentleman wants the other half.”

With a nod, the manager sent the young clerk off and dealt with the customer. Afterward he went to the teenager, “Son, I am really impressed how quick you were on your feet back there. Where are you from?”

“I’m from Canada, sir,” the lad replied.

“Oh,” said the manager. “Why did you leave?”

“There’s nothing in Canada but hockey players and sluts.”

The manager replied, “My wife is from Canada.”

“Really, what team did she play for?”

Race Riot

Q: What’s long and black and smells like shit?
A: The welfare line.

Q: What is a black person’s worst fear?
A: Child support.

Q: What does a black person have in common with a broken soda machine?
A: They both don’t work and always take your money.

Q: What do you call a barn full of old niggers?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: What’s the difference between a black guy and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.

Q: A nigger and a spic fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
A: The spic, because the nigger is stopped by the rope around his neck.

Q: How do you starve a black person?
A: Put their food stamps under a job application.

Q: What do you call a black woman getting an abortion?
A: A crime fighter.

Q: What does a nigger do after sex?
A: Usually 25 to life.

Q: Why don’t black kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because they are afraid the cats will try to cover them up.

Q: How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?
A: Put Velcro on the ceiling.

Q: Why do pill bottles have cotton in the top of them?
A: To remind niggers that they were cotton pickers before they were doing drugs.

Q: What do u call a bunch of blacks buried up to their heads in dirt?
A: Afro-turf.

Q: Why are black people such fast runners?
A: The slow ones are already in jail.

The New Secretary

Two accountants were discussing a colleague’s interest in one of the firm’s new secretaries.

“I just don’t get it.” said one. “She’s an airhead, with nothing going on upstairs.”

“That may be true,” replied the other, “but I don’t think that’s the floor he’s getting off on.”

The Art of Professions

A psychologist is a someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful woman enters the room.

A professor is the man who can talk in someone else’s sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.