A man turned to his friend at the bar and said, “It seems I’ve been informally named adviser on ‘Sexual Matters’ at my company.”
“That sounds interesting. Does this mean you’ll be counseling the big bosses on relations with their secretaries?”
“I’m not sure yet,” he answered. “During the last staff meeting, I popped up to suggest a reduction in executive expense accounts. After that I was told that if they ever wanted my ‘fucking advice’, they’d let me know.”
A blonde gal went to the dentist to get her tooth pulled, and she was really nervous about it.
The dentist noticed this and while he was putting his gloves on, he started to talk to the woman so she wouldn’t feel so nervous.
He asked, “Do you know how they make these gloves?”
The woman shook her head.
The doctor explained, “In a big rubber factory they have a whole lot of men and women with different hand sizes and they have to put their hands into a big huge tank of melted rubber and wait until it dries and then take it off and do it again.”
The woman didn’t even blink she seemed to be too busy trying not to panic.
So he tried telling her a joke or two but once again she didn’t even smirk. So he gave up about five to ten minute later.
In the middle of getting the tooth removed she burst out laughing and he had to stop in case she’d choke. He asked, “What’s wrong?”
She just laughed and said, “If that’s how they make gloves I wonder how they make condoms.”
Of course with me, nothing is ever truly happy… It’s not like the old days when I could just show up to the family Easter gathering, yap, and eat. Now I have to actually lend a hand in making the party happen, and you can believe with over twenty people coming, it’s a lot of work.
So there’s a new feature. I haven’t thoroughly tested it yet, but the random post tab will take you to a random post. How cool is that? Of course since it’s “random” it could take you to a comic, a joke, or even one of these sidebar rants of mine. It’s random!
I’m going to try to keep up with the schedule for this week, but there’s a possibility that I might not get the jokes up in time. As of this writing, the joke queue is bone dry, and since I’m going to be busy all day on Easter, you might have to entertain yourself on Monday with that fancy new random post tab.
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.