An old farmer was getting concerned that his three daughters might not be as innocent as he raised them to be.

He was very concerned with how much they already knew about sex, so he decided to find out.

The farmer brought his 16-year-old daughter into the bathroom, dropped his pants, and said “Do you know what this is?”

“Yes, daddy,” said the young lady. “That’s a penis.”

The farmer exploded! He couldn’t believe it! “You’re grounded for a year!” he exclaimed, “and you’re going to read the Bible every day!”

He then brought his 14-year-old into the bathroom, and dropped his pants. “Do you know what this is?”

“Yes, daddy,” said the child. “It’s a penis”

Unbelievable! He grounded her for 2 years, and took away her allowance for the next four years!

Finally, he brought his 12-year-old into the bathroom, dropped his pants, and asked, “Do you know what this is?”

“No, daddy, I don’t.”

“What a good girl! I’m very proud of you! I’m going to raise your allowance! Anyway, this is called a penis.”

The girl laughed and said, “You call THAT a penis?!”

A Jewish girl explained to her Catholic college roommate that she would need to go home for Rosh Hashanah in late September.

The Catholic girl asked, “Is this the holiday when you light the candles?”

“No,” the Jewish girl replied, “That’s Hanukkah.”

“Is that when you eat unleavened bread?” the Catholic girl inquired.

“No,” the Jewish girl corrected, “That’s Passover. Rosh Hashanah is the holiday where we blow the shofar.”

“That’s what I like about you Jewish people,” remarked the Catholic girl. “You’re so good to your hired help.”

A woman was at her local grocery. She rushed up to the register with her items and set them on the conveyor.

The clerk had his back turned to her, so she cleared her throat and said, “Excuse me, I’m in a hurry. Could you please check me out?”

The clerk turned around, looked her up and down, and said, “Nice tits!”

A beautiful young woman was getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glanced out her fifteenth-story bedroom window and saw a window washer outside.

Thinking she would rattle him, she slowly took off her dress. The window washer just went about the business of cleaning the windows.

Next, she removed her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just kept working away.

Taking her striptease to the full extent, she took off her bra and panties and began parading around her room. The window washer still took no notice of her.

Finally, the woman walked over to the window and just stood there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window.

At last the window washer put down his pail and said, “What’s the matter, lady, haven’t you ever seen a window washer before?”

Chad and his wife were watching “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” while lying in bed.

Chad turned to his wife and asked, “Do you want to have sex?”

“Not tonight,” she answered.

“Well, is that your final answer?” he asked wryly.

Rolling her eyes his wife said, “Yes.”

Chad remarked, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started.

A man went to the doctor and complained, “My asshole is too big.”

The doctor told the man to drop his pants and bend over so he could have a look. “Good Lord!” cried the doctor. “What could have made your asshole as big as that?”

Patient explained “I was fucked by an elephant.”

The doctor remarked “But an elephant’s penis is nowhere near that wide!”

The patient replied “He fingered me first.”

A woman was distressed because her husband has lost interest in having sex. So, she went to see her doctor about the problem.

The doctor told her that this was nothing serious and that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. He then suggested that she should secretly crumble dog biscuits on her husband’s cereal every morning, and little by little this would bring out the savage beast in him. He then wished her good luck, and told her to come back in a week with a progress report.

A week later, the woman returned to the doctor to inform him that feeding her husband dog biscuits had resulted in his untimely death!

“That’s impossible!” protested the doctor. “There’s nothing toxic in dog biscuits! What happened?”

The woman explained, “He was sitting outside licking his balls in the street when he got hit by a car.”

Tom got a new job. He worked Tuesday through Friday, but on Monday he would call the boss and say, “I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”

The same thing happened week after week. The boss was quite irritated, but he didn’t want to fire Tom because he was really good at his job. Instead he called Tom into the office and said,, “Listen, you’re a good worker, and I’m glad I hired you, but you keep calling in sick on Mondays. Will you tell me what the problem is? Do you drink a lot, do you take drugs?”

“I don’t drink at all, and I don’t do drugs,” explained Tom. “You see my sister is married to a guy who drinks every weekend. and then he beats her really badly. I go to visit her every Monday to make sure she’s OK. She starts crying on my shoulder, then one thing leads to another, and we start fucking.”

“You fuck your sister?” sputtered the boss.

Tom replied, “Hey, I told you I was sick.”