Jerry passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside.
There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, “Over 35” and “Under 35.”
He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, “Over 35.”
Jerry found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, “Over 8 inches” and “Under 8 inches.”
Truthful again, he went through the “Under 8 inches” door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, “Once a night” and “Over 4 times a night.”
Still wanting to be truthful, Jerry entered the door marked “Once a night” and found himself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is: “Always tell the truth and you’ll never get screwed.”
Evelyn was suing the Northridge Medical Center after her husband went in for an operation which left him unable to have sex with her afterwards.
On the witness stand, Evelyn testified, “My husband Frank and I used to have an amazing sex life until he went into that hospital and had his operation. Now he’s completely lost interest in having sex with me, and it’s all because of those bastards!”
It seemed that the case was clearly in her favor until the surgeon who perform Frank’s surgery took the stand.
“Look,” said the exasperated surgeon, “all I did was remove Frank’s cataracts.”
Two old friends, Warren and Kenny, went on a fishing trip together. Because neither were especially avid fishermen, they rented all their equipment. They rented the reels and rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, and even a cabin in the woods. It was to be a fully immersive fishing experience.
On their first day fishing, they didn’t catch anything. The same thing happened on the second day, and again, they caught nothing on the third day. Finally on the last day of their vacation, Kenny and Warren managed to catch one small fish.
Both of the men were rather disappointed with their vacation, and on the drive home
Warren said to Kenny, “Do you realize that that one lousy fish we caught cost us over fifteen hundred bucks?”
Kenny’s eyes lit up and replied, “Wow! Then I guess it was a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
Marc and Nancy signed up to participate in a study about the sex lives of married couples.
One of the sex researchers called about a recent survey that seemed to have a bit of a discrepancy. “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse, you answered ‘twice a week’. Is that correct?”
“That’s right,” said Marc.
“But it also says here that your wife, Nancy, is having intercourse several times a night. Is this some kind of mistake?” asked the researcher.
“No, it’s correct,” replied Marc, “and that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.”
Sometimes I worry about it, but for the most part, these things have a way of working themselves out. For instance, one of the most egregious pieces of legislative manure, the DMCA, has yet to actually shut down the internet. While it has made life harder for people and has slapped various YouTubers with illegitimate automated take downs, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act has neither stopped online piracy, nor completely destroyed the internet. On the other hand, the powers that be simply cannot stop coming up with “new rules” for Congress vote into laws with the intent to control what people cannot put on the internet.
One day, even the jokes I’ve been posting here might somehow become illegal. I imagine at some point every thought and expression will be owned by various corporate interests, and end users will no longer be permitted to post anything on the Internet for fear it may infringe on an agency’s intellectual property. Even then, people will still manage to express themselves in ways that displease their clandestined masters. More rules. More controls. Every color trademarked. Every vibration an infraction.
In the end, I imagine the public will be oblivious to the concept of living any other way. They will accept the new rules begrudgingly at first, but affectionately after a while. The future dark ages will further wipe any memory of a time when people imagined they could communicate freely.
“Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?” – George Orwell, “Nineteen Eighty-Four”
A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences had collapsed all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stopped by to bless the man’s work and said, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!”
A few months later, the preacher stopped by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it was like a completely different place. The farm house had been completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there were plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields were filled with crops planted in neat rows. “Amazing!” the preacher said. “To think that you have accomplished all this with the help of the Lord!”
“Yes, reverend,” said the farmer, “but don’t forget what this farm was like when God was working it alone!”
A blonde dashed into the police station and cried, “I’ve been raped by an idiot!”
The detective on duty immediately took out his pen and paper to record the details. “OK, ma’am, I know you’ve been through a difficult ordeal, but I’m going to have to ask you a few questions. First of all, what makes you believe the person who raped you was an idiot?”
A man was walking past a travel agent’s office when he noticed a billboard promoting a “4 day cruise down the Murray River – $40 all inclusive.”
Impressed by the low price, he raced into the shop, slapped $40 onto the counter and said, “I’m here for the Murray cruise.” Quick as a wink, the travel agent whipped out a baseball bat and knocked the man unconscious.
When the man awoke, he found himself tied to a floating log and drifting down the river. After a time, he noticed another man in the same predicament on the other side of the river.
“$40 Murray cruise?” he called out.
“Yep!” said the man from the other side.
Injecting a bit of levity he called back, “I’ll bet you we don’t even get breakfast!”
So it's been kind of a mixed bag this year. Sadly, my Aunt Pam passed away back in February, then my cat, Alex, died in June. On the plus side, I got Murphy in August, and I finally managed to pay off what was left of my old revolving credit card debt that I've had hanging over me for 40 years.
Born on June 22, 2025, Murphy is about 6 months old as of this post. I picked him up off Craig's List for $10 when he was about 7 weeks old. Since then I've spent about $1300 over 5 vet visits to make sure he got all his shots and yes that includes neutering. Where Alex merely tolerated Gail, Murphy adores her. and the two are regularly seen snuggling up to one another. Those photos aren't staged. These two are really that close.
In spite of everything, I'm still gainfully employed. it's highly doubtful AI is going to take my job anytime soon, so I guess I can be thankful for that. On the other hand I recently found out I have chronic kidney disease, so that's no beuno. I won't find out until January if lifestyle and medication changes are going to be enough to keep it from progressing. Fingers crossed.
On a lighter note, I've started occasionally live-streaming Tarot card readings on Twitch. No, I don't actually believe in magical mumbo-jumbo, but there is an art to the craft. I look at Tarot as basically being psychology with flashcards. There are 78 cards, and each card can have different and multiple meanings depending on its context. When you know what you're doing you can ALWAYS match randomly dealt cards to the context. Form a coherent narrative around the cards and you can actually gain an altered perspective on your situation that may give you more confidence in facing your problems.
So that's about it for 2025. Not gonna lie: While it wasn't all bad, this year sucked pretty hard. I can't make any promises, but I fully intend on putting out more than 2 comics in 2026, and I might even include a few more jokes and rants.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!
Pax,
-f2x
June 2026
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GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
