A couple brought a bull to mate with their cow, but were having quite a bit of trouble. They called a local veterinarian. When the vet arrived he made a cursory examination of the beast before asking the couple to describe the problem.
The husband explained, “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side, and she walks away to the other side.”
The vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow in Michigan?”
The couple was dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they bought the cow.
“How did you know we got the cow in Michigan?” the woman asked.
With a distant look in his eye, the vet replied, “My wife is from Michigan.”
A couple in their eighties just got married and was on their honeymoon. In the hotel room she slipped into something sexy and crawled into bed and waited for her new groom. He was in the bathroom sprucing himself up.
She waited and waited until she could not wait any longer. She got up and went to the bathroom and opened the door. Peering in she saw him bending over on the toilet trying to put on a condom.
She giggled, “Honey what are you doing? I’m 86 years old and can’t get pregnant anymore.”
He looked up at her and said, “I know but honey you know how dampness affects my arthritis.”
Even when I have some time off, that time has already got something penciled in. I have been running around non-stop for the past two weeks. Minus the calisthenics, it has nearly the same feel as the amount of work I had to put in for the military.
I got that "Work hard; play hard" sort of thing going on. I just want some time off so I can catch my breath... And I mean some real time off where I don't have to worry about anything.
Alas, it's not to be. My schedule is booked tight for the foreseeable future, and I've got to shoehorn in a few more things before it is all over.
Our award for best contributors goes to George and Glenn. Those two guys keep emailing me jokes... most of which I've already used, but at least they still send me emails on a regular basis. Of course you could be using our submission page to send me jokes or even email firstname.lastname@example.org like George and Glenn do.
“There is always an adventure waiting in the woods.” ― Katelyn S. Bolds
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
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