A married man had hired a gorgeous secretary, and and after it was clear she was into him, he decided to “work late” one night and take this girl to dinner.
He called home to tell his wife he’d be late getting home. Without a hint of any concern, she replied, “okay, no problem.”
After dinner with the secretary, it was obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had “swinging from the chandelier” sex for two hours.
Afterwards, the man went into the bathroom to tidy his appearance when he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He immediately fell into a state of panic, and he had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. Still he hurried home.
As he unlocked the front door, he heard the dog come barking and scratching at the door to greet him. He thought “Aha!” and entered the house, fell to the carpet and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.
Holding his neck with one hand, he walked into the living room and exclaimed, “Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!”
To which she looked up, opened her blouse, and said, “That’s nothing, look at what he did to my tits!”
Frank was excited about his new rifle and went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Just then, there was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear offered, “You’ve got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.”
Not wishing to die, Frank decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found a black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly told him, “That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex.”
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered! Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge — but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there!
The polar bear sighed, “Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”
So it’s been another long week for me. Lots of O.T. and lots of stuff at home to take care of. For some reason, optimists cannot resist the opportunity to piss me off when I’m swamped like this. They say shit like, “Oh I bet you’ll really appreciate that paycheck!” or even, “Isn’t it wonderful to keep busy like that.” Just fuck off already.
I’m worn out and tired. Their optimistic take on my situation isn’t something I want to deal with at the moment. It would be nice if they would just give me a nod and say, “Yeah. Been there,” so that I know that they actually understand, then move onto some other topic.
The more I think about it, the more I think I need to work on flipping the subject onto them. Sort of a “Enough about me, tell me how your life is going,” kind of tactic. Something that’s iron clad and air tight so I can reflexively deploy the optimism deflector without them having a clue that I really don’t give a fuck.
Two Russian hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot said, “Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”
The hunters went out and returned with two bears.
Furious, the pilot said, “I told you ONE bear!”
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 6000 rubles, the pilot had let them put their two bears on board. After a long heated discussion the pilot agreed to take the extra bear for 12000 rubles.
After the plane struggled into the air and fitfully flew for about two hours, it gave out and plummeted to the earth into a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and dead bears, the hunters asked the pilot where he thought they were.
“I’m not entirely certain,” said the pilot, “but it looks like the same place we crashed last year.”
So about a year or so ago, Linux Mint released LMDE 3. It was the latest successor to their Debian branch, and sadly, the developers chose not to support the Mate desktop environment. This left me with 3 options: 1) Stick with LMDE 2, 2) Install LMDE 3, then install Mate, or 3) Install the Ubuntu based Linux Mint.
The first one was a non-starter. I wanted the latest and greatest, and felt I had already waited too long.
At the time I chose the second option because I wanted to stay in the more pure Debian ecosystem for a contradictory reason: The Debian edition is supported longer, so there are fewer format/re-install cycles.
I avoided the third option for the worst reason: The snob factor. Let's face it, Ubuntu users are very near the lowest in the Linux hierarchy. Ubuntu is Linux for the non-technical, Ubuntu is for the lazy, Ubuntu is for the idiot, and now Ubuntu is for me.
There were a few other reasons to favor the Debian edition over the Ubuntu variety, but something was irking me and if I didn't leave the Debian universe, I would involuntarily blame that "irk" on Debian.
Sadly, the Ubuntu edition still contained that "final" irk, but all the irks up to that point were actually gone. It wasn't Debian though... It was LMDE 3's refusal to support a Mate edition.
By the way, that final "irk" had to do with VLC. It's my preferred media player, and after the latest update, it's been glitching when you are watching video in full screen.
It might just be my machine, but it's a relentless glitch that causes the player on screen controls to not want to reappear when you jog the mouse, and the keyboard controls stop working as well.
When I press the space bar, the movie I'm watching had bloody well stop!
Alas, the problem persists under the Ubuntu branch of Linux Mint, so I know it wasn't just my Debian install. I will not be going back to LMDE 3, however. The Ubuntu system basically looks and feels the same, and shedding a couple of other minor issues that I wasn't able to fix on my own is a kind of a big plus.
So yeah, if you're still playing games on Windows, I understand. You've got your priorities, and I respect that. I just really enjoy the feeling of the Mate desktop environment powered by Linux... glitches and all.
Just another shout out to Glenn and George for supplying this week's jokes. How do you tell who sends what? Glenn's jokes are the dirtier ones. So thanks guys. If anyone else would like to add to the collection, please head over to our submission page or send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Did anyone tell you how beautiful you are? I could just stare into those eyes of yours all day long. You really are something special. Have a great week!
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