A married man had hired a gorgeous secretary, and and after it was clear she was into him, he decided to “work late” one night and take this girl to dinner.
He called home to tell his wife he’d be late getting home. Without a hint of any concern, she replied, “okay, no problem.”
After dinner with the secretary, it was obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had “swinging from the chandelier” sex for two hours.
Afterwards, the man went into the bathroom to tidy his appearance when he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He immediately fell into a state of panic, and he had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. Still he hurried home.
As he unlocked the front door, he heard the dog come barking and scratching at the door to greet him. He thought “Aha!” and entered the house, fell to the carpet and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.
Holding his neck with one hand, he walked into the living room and exclaimed, “Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!”
To which she looked up, opened her blouse, and said, “That’s nothing, look at what he did to my tits!”
Frank was excited about his new rifle and went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Just then, there was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear offered, “You’ve got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.”
Not wishing to die, Frank decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found a black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly told him, “That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex.”
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered! Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge — but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there!
The polar bear sighed, “Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”
So it’s been another long week for me. Lots of O.T. and lots of stuff at home to take care of. For some reason, optimists cannot resist the opportunity to piss me off when I’m swamped like this. They say shit like, “Oh I bet you’ll really appreciate that paycheck!” or even, “Isn’t it wonderful to keep busy like that.” Just fuck off already.
I’m worn out and tired. Their optimistic take on my situation isn’t something I want to deal with at the moment. It would be nice if they would just give me a nod and say, “Yeah. Been there,” so that I know that they actually understand, then move onto some other topic.
The more I think about it, the more I think I need to work on flipping the subject onto them. Sort of a “Enough about me, tell me how your life is going,” kind of tactic. Something that’s iron clad and air tight so I can reflexively deploy the optimism deflector without them having a clue that I really don’t give a fuck.
Two Russian hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot said, “Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”
The hunters went out and returned with two bears.
Furious, the pilot said, “I told you ONE bear!”
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 6000 rubles, the pilot had let them put their two bears on board. After a long heated discussion the pilot agreed to take the extra bear for 12000 rubles.
After the plane struggled into the air and fitfully flew for about two hours, it gave out and plummeted to the earth into a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and dead bears, the hunters asked the pilot where he thought they were.
“I’m not entirely certain,” said the pilot, “but it looks like the same place we crashed last year.”
I would really like to get an electric car. Presently I own two vehicles, a gas guzzling SUV from 2002 and a rusty sedan from 1997, neither of which is getting any prettier. Since their fuel and maintenance cost less than a car payment, I keep them.
Recently my dad disputed my assertion that when you do not factor in the price of the vehicle, EV's (electric vehicles) were cheaper to operate than ICE (internal combustion engine) vehicles. He didn't think that was true and that the only way to change his mind would be if he owned an EV to see for himself... a condition that could never be satisfied because he would never buy or lease an EV on principle.
It doesn't take a lot of Googling to learn that the Kilowatt per mile costs only a tiny fraction of what even the most efficient ICE cars can achieve in miles per gallon, but that's not good enough for my dad. He has finally walled his mind up on the matter. The subject is too political for him. All the information on the internet is "fake news" and "hoaxes". EV's are part of a "liberal agenda", and that's that!
Of course it is true that if you compare the cost of a new EV to a comparably equipped ICE vehicle, the cost difference will likely be more than the ICE vehicle's fuel cost over the next ten years. So I'll concede that EV's do not actually save you money under the current pricing conditions.
Another problem I have with EV's is that the auto manufacturers do everything possible to make their EV's unfamiliar and unacceptable to people who like their ICE cars. The typical driver doesn't want to operate a "concept car" for their daily commute. They want something familiar, comfortable, safe, and dependable.
There's no technical reason that EV's could not be made to look and operate like their ICE brethren, so why is it that automakers willfully keep a viable alternative as the least-appealing option to the average consumer?
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