The 50th Wedding Anniversary

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 50th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 50 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

Money out the Ass

A fellow went to his doctor complaining that his asshole was feeling terribly sore.

The doctor asked him to drop his drawers and bend over so he could take a look. “It’s amazing!” the doctor said, as he pulled a brand new crisp $20 bill from the fellow’s anus.

Another $20 bill appeared behind the first one, so the doctor pulled it out, too. And then another! And another! And many more.

Finally, the doctor had pulled the whole pile of $20 bills from the fellow’s ass, and began to count it. The doctor finally reported, “There was $1980 stuck in your anus!”

The fellow replied, “Well I knew I wasn’t feeling two grand!”

The Newlywed Bride

The newlywed bride was wrapping up her annual physical with her doctor when he asked her, “So, do you have any questions for me?”

She said to him, “Well, yeah, a few. I mean my husband and I have ‘done it’ lots of times, but it’s just that I want to know the proper terms for a man’s body.”

“OK”, said the doctor, “Shoot.”

“On the end of his dick, there’s this big knobby thing with a hole in the tip. What do you call that?”

The doctor said, “Well, first of all, the polite thing to call it is a penis, not dick, and the proper term for the object on the penis end is the glans, but it’s acceptable to refer to it as the head.”

She continued, “OK, well right behind the head there’s a long hard thing with lots of veins in it. What is that?”

“Most people would call that the shaft,” said the doctor.

“OK, cool,” she said. “Now, about 14 inches behind the head there’s these two hairy, round kind of things that droop down. What are those?”

The doctor smirked and said to the newlywed, “Well, I don’t know about your husband, but on me those are the cheeks of my ass.”

The Penguin and the Polar Bear

A polar bear and a penguin were walking along the snow dunes one day when the polar bear fell down a chasm. Try as he might, the poor polar bear couldn’t get out. The penguin did everything he could think of, but he couldn’t rescue his friend.

Then a thought struck him! He said, “Hold on for a few minutes, I’ll be right back!”

He then ran off and returned in a few minutes driving his red Ferrari. He backed it up to the edge of the chasm and tied a rope to the end. With his friend holding on to the rope, he was able to pull him out to safety.

After the polar bear thanked the penguin for saving his life, they continued on their walk. Later on that very same day, the penguin fell into a similar chasm. Now, as everyone knows, polar bears can’t drive. So it looked bad for the penguin.

Then the polar bear had an idea! He allowed his penis to swing down into the chasm, all the way to the bottom. The penguin gladly used it to climb his way to the top!

The moral of this story is: If you have a big enough penis, you don’t need a Ferrari.

Relationship Honesty

A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love.

They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over.

“It’s only fair to warn you, Jody,” he said. “I’m a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf.”

“Well, since you’re being honest, so will I,” Jody said. “I’m a hooker.”

“I see,” he said.

Then brightening, he smiled. “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”