Conversion Therapy

A young gay man is confronted by some of his friends because his drinking was getting in the way of his work and effecting some of his relationships. He took their feelings to heart and joined AA. After a year of dedication he was clean and sober and received his ‘pin’ to show for it.
Soon after he decided to stop smoking, and wondered if he could he use the same principles he used in AA. He sets himself on the path and does so. By the second year when he gets his pin from AA, he is tobacco free. His friends are amazed that he is not only alcohol-free but also tobacco-free. They applaud his dedication.
About a year later he has a dinner party and announces to all his friends that he is ‘no longer gay’. His straight friends as well as his gay friends are totally amazed at this. No one believes he has managed to change so much in his life.
“Did you do the same things you did to stop drinking and smoking?” many asked.
“Was it just a choice of lifestyle change” others asked.
“Was it some type of religious revelation?” was even asked.
“No. Nothing so drastic,” he replied. “After I quit smoking, I found that everything tasted different.”

Two Morticians

Two morticians are sitting around at the end of the day:
“Did you see that cute redhead they brought in yesterday?”
“Yeah, she was really something!”
“Did you see the clit on that girl?”
“Yeah, it was like a pickle!”
“Well, it wasn’t that big . . .”
“No, but it was that sour!”

The Phone Call


Just about every summer my unit would have a family picnic day. Soldiers generally brought a covered dish, their spouses (or SO’s), children, siblings, parents , and some even brought civilian friends. Uniforms were proscribed, but once I had to don my ACU’s because I was the designated driver for giving HMMWV (Humvee) rides. The kids loved it.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

9] Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
8] Life is sexually transmitted.
7] Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
6] Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
5] Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
4] Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
3] All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
2] In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1] Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.


Aged Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”
“I see. Have you done anything about it?”
“Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.”
“No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”
“Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”