Monthly Archives: December 2013

A French, German, and Italian spy are sent out on a mission. Unfortunately they were all captured. The captors come into the cell and grab the French spy. They drag him into the next room, and put him in a chair with his hands tied behind his back. They brutally interrogate him for two hours before he finally told them everything he knew. Afterwards they brought him back to the cell and threw him in with the others.
Next they grabbed the German spy. Again they dragged him into the next room, put him in a chair with his hands tied behind his back, and interrogated him mercilessly for four hours before he cracked and gave them everything they wanted to know.
Finally they dragged out the Italian. The interrogation started out the same way, but as the hours passed, the tortures became more brutal. Finally 16 hours later, they gave up trying to get the last spy to talk. They tossed the half-dead Italian into the cell with the other two.
The Frenchman and the German were impressed. They asked the Italian how he managed not to talk. The Italian spy replies, “I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands!”

A man had just bought himself a high performance sports car. He decided to take it out for drive on the open road to see just what his new toy could do. Not long into his ride, a cop pulls up behind him and turns on the lights, but the man was in one of his feistier moods. He floors the accelerator and leaves the cop in the dust. After he put two miles between himself and the cop, he came to his senses. He pulled over and waited.
The cop pulled up about a minute later. He got out of the cruiser and and approached the driver casually leaning up against the boot of the car. “I’ve had a really long week, and don’t feel like going through all the paperwork hassle brought on by your little antics back there,” said the officer. “I tell you what… If you can come up with an excuse I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go.”
The driver paused for a moment and said, “Well Officer, my wife ran off with a cop last week, and I thought you might be trying to bring her back.”
“Have a good day, sir,” replied the officer as he headed back to his cruiser.

A man is at a gun shop looking to buy a new scope. The scope is on a rifle and he is looking through it out the window seeing if he likes it. Suddenly the man exclaims, “Oh sweet! Check it out! A naked chick and guy.”
The shop owner picks up a nearby set of binoculars to see and says, “Fuck! That’s my wife and another man.”
The shop owner tells the guy, “If you take these two bullets and shoot my wife in the head and that guy’s dick off, I will give you the scope for free.”
The man says “OK, but I think I’ll only need one bullet.”

A priest and a rabbi are driving down the road when, inexplicably, they get into a head on collision. Both are fine, and as they get out of their cars they start arguing intensely as to who was at fault. After a few minutes of finger pointing, the rabbi says, “This is ridiculous. We’re both men of God. We shouldn’t be arguing.”
“You’re right,” says the priest. “We should be better.”
“I have an idea,” the rabbi said. “I have a case of Manischewitz in the trunk. Let’s drink together to bury the hatchet.”
Lo and behold, one bottle survived the accident and the rabbi opens it and hands it to the priest. The priest takes a huge gulp and attempts to pass it to the rabbi. “Aren’t you going to have a drink?” he says.
The rabbi says, “I’ll wait until the cops show up.”