A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
The next morning the kangaroo was out sauntering around the zoo again, so a twenty-foot fence was put up.
Again he got out, so they erected a fence 30 feet high.
The camel in the next pen asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo shrugged, “That all depends on how long it takes before somebody starts to lock the gate at night!”
Ernie and Sarah were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.
At the party, everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long.
Ernie explained “When we were first married, we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions, and my wife would make all the minor decisions.”
Sarah added, “And in 60 years of marriage, we have never needed to make a major decision.”
Bob and Mabel were celebrating 50 years of marriage. Their neighbor Tom asked them what the secret was to such a long and happy marriage.
Bob looked lovingly into Mabel’s eyes before explaining, “When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had, and we have done so for 50 years.”
“Amazing!” gasped Tom. “Twice a week, every week?”
“Every week,” added Mabel. “I go out every Tuesday, and he goes out on Fridays.”
A Nearly Undetectable Revamp
Another mildly painful lesson I’ve had to learn over the years is that the color controls on a display are frequently set wrong.
Most phones and tablets do not offer the ability to adjust things like the hue, contrast, and saturation. As a result, the manufacturers had to correctly calibrate their displays during production. Since phones usually got it right, I had been using them for color balancing my images.
But computers and TV’s have displays that are supposed to be adjusted by the user, unfortunately the user frequently does not do this. I’m not sure if this is due to technophobia, a lack of aesthetic, or a devotion to trolling at the deepest levels, but a lot of people insist on looking at badly calibrated screens.
When viewing my comic on other people’s monitors, I frequently noticed that the color saturation levels were far too high. Initially I dismissed the issue as a few isolated issues that I could safely ignore. In my hubris I surmised that the bumpkins simply didn’t know how to adjust their monitor correctly, and blew it off.
Well I’m not blowing it off anymore. When the idiots outnumber you, you need to take their deficiencies into account.
Earlier this year, I started desaturating my comics prior to posting them. It was a rather brutal 40% reduction in the color level, but something had to be done to ensure future viewers would not be subjected to the intense color bleeding caused by their own malfeasance.
Maybe you noticed the change, but one thing I’ve noticed is a sharp decline in people who wrinkle their nose at mere sight of the comic. Perhaps I finally stumbled upon one of my own deficiencies, and I’m finally starting to see where I was wrong.
No, I’m not about to ramp up the saturation levels on my monitor, but I am going to make sure that I check my work on multiple monitors from now on. I also took the liberty to desaturate the entire “Pathos in the Plumbing” series. I even edited the older posts so that everything was more behaviorally uniform.
I also changed the menu link for “Pathos in the Plumbing”, but there’s still a slight problem. Over time the link becomes obsolete and has to be updated. I’ve asked for help with this one in various forums, but the answers I get are never helpful.
Well, I hope I didn’t bore you too much with this week’s rant. I really didn’t feel like getting anything off my chest, so instead you got to read my whining about website woes.
Kudos
This week’s jokes were contributed by George. He recently had some health issues, but he says he’s doing well, and I look forward to getting many more jokes from him in the future. Just another thanks to Glenn and TOR for pitching in. Flush Twice is always in search of new jokes. Our submission page is one way to contribute, but my email, flush2x@gmail.com, is also a great way to send me the jokes.
Many thanks to all who have helped out.
Pax,
-f2x
Two Jewish men, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant discussing religion
“I wonder if there are any Jewish people in Mexico?” asked the first one.
“There must be,” the second one replied. “To be sure though, let’s ask the waiter.”
When the waiter came by, they asked him, “Do you have any Mexican Jews?”
“I do not know Señor,” said the waiter. “I will ask the cooks.”
A few minutes later, the waiter returned from the kitchen and informed the gentlemen, “I’m sorry, Señor. We have orange Jews, tomato Jews, grape Jews, but no Mexican Jews.”
A man was walking through his local mall and noticed a Mexican book store. As he had never seen a Mexican book store before, the man decided to take a look inside.
After browsing for a while, he approached the clerk and asked, “Would you happen to have that book on President Trump’s foreign policy with Mexico?”
Enraged, the clerk shouted, “Fuck you! Get out and stay out!”
“That’s the one,” replied the man. “Got it in hardcover?”
Why is there such a dearth of great classical Mexican literature?
Because Edward Seymour didn’t invent aerosol paint until 1949.
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
quatro sinko
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
How many mexicans do you need to change a light bulb?
Juan
What do you call a Mexican standoff with only 2 people?
A Juan on Juan
Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?
They say he had loco motives.
What do you call a mexican drug kingpin who likes to dress as a woman?
El Trapo
Mexican and black jokes are all the same
Once you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What do you call a mexican and a priest fighting?
Alien vs predator
What did the Mexican Fireman name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B
A boy was born to a Korean father and a Mexican mother.
They named him Guacamo Lee.
Why couldn’t the Mexican archer shoot his bow?
He didn’t habanero.
Why can’t you play UNO with Mexicans?
They steal all the green cards.
Most people don’t know that in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was lost forever.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as “Sinko de Mayo”.
Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.
He pulled rabbits out of hats, sawed his assistant in half, and drew coins out of the ears of audience members.
His final trick was a disappearing act. He counted:
“Uno…”
“Dos…”
And disappeared without a tres.
Why can’t Mexicans cross the border in threes?
No trespassing.
