After years of scrimping and saving, Harold told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for back in 1999.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” said Harold sadly, “a 1999 Cadillac.”
Gail is Growing
You know, I’m not really a big fan of puppies. The best part about puppies is that they grow up to be dogs. The dog is where it’s at. The puppy is this cute but highly annoying stage in a dog’s life, so as I see Gail getting bigger, you can bet I’m thrilled and relieved that months from now I’m going to have an amazing Labrador that I can take places and do things with, because my dog will know how to act.
But I know some people just like puppies, so here she is in all her maximum cuteness, forever immortalized in a GIF of her barking.
And now she wears a “bark collar” so that shit ain’t gonna happen no more.
I love my dog, but I’m not above using every dirty trick in the book to make sure she turns out right.
Kudos
Speaking of dirty tricks, this weeks jokes are brought to you by Glenn and George. See if you can spot the difference. Better yet, send in a joke you heard to our submission page for a chance to see me mention your name or alias right here in this space next week. You can also send it to flush2x@gmail.com if you feel so inclined as well.
To err is human. Forgiveness is not our policy.
Pax,
-f2x
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. One evening the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight for an out of state conference.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 am.”
The next morning the man woke up to discover it was after 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife did not wake him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
It said: “It is 5:00am; wake up.”
A preacher went into a bar and said, “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.”
Everybody stood up except for one lonely drunk in the corner.
The preacher approached the man and said, “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”
“When I die? Sure,” replied the drunk. “I thought you were taking a load up now.”
Janet asked her husband, “Which do you like most about me? My pretty face or my sexy body?”
Tom looked at her from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor.”
The farm hand was walking past the barn when he heard some romantic music playing. Being curious, he looked inside to see the farmer dancing really slow while slipping one suspender off his shoulder and down his arm. As he removed the other suspender from his other shoulder, the farm hand realized that the farmer was doing a strip tease in front of his John Deere.
He asked, “Bubba, what in the world are you doing?”
The farmer said, “Well, Earl, I went to the doctor this morning and told him that me and the wife has been having trouble with our relationship. He told me that when I got home I should get cleaned up, put on some soft music, then do something sexy to a tractor.”
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Bob asked his wife of 20 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”
“Of course I will,” replied his wife. “I’ve been doing it for at least ten years already!”
Gail
Meet Gail. She is a 9 week old black Labrador retriever born on August 4, 2019. I brought her home Tuesday evening after driving 120 miles to go get her. She is the successor to my beloved Grace, and my new baby girl.
So why Gail?
Well, my mother and her mother’s middle names were both Gail, so it is a bit of an homage. I also wanted a single syllable name that doesn’t really work if you try to “cutesy it up” by adding an “-ie” to the end. It always irked me when people called my dog “Gracie” right after I told them her name was Grace. She was named after my great grandmother. Have some respect!
Didn’t Grace pass away only a week ago? Isn’t it a bit soon?
No, absolutely not. One of the reason’s I got Gale was to help me cope with the loss of Grace. Another reason is because it didn’t take me long to realize just how lonely the house felt without her. Besides, the house is already set up to have a dog. There was never any doubt that I would get another dog, and I didn’t feel I needed to wait some arbitrary time.
So this is baby Gail. May her life be long, healthy, and full of happiness.
Kudos
OK, so now that I have a new hobby to return my mood back to normal, I just want to say thanks to Glenn for all the jokes he sends me. Also, thanks to George. Since things are starting to get back to normal for me, I’ll be mostly using his jokes this week. Of course everyone is encouraged to contribute using our submission page or emailing flush2x@gmail.com.
If your religion teaches you that dogs don’t go to heaven, then that doesn’t sound like any sort of heaven at all.
Pax,
-f2x
