Author Archives: f2x

Poco a Poco

And now it’s time for the weekly Gail report.

I have had nearly 4 weeks with my new pup, and Gail is now 12 weeks old. It is utterly amazing how long that four weeks feels, but also how much progress has been made. Just yesterday she was able to go down the back door stairs for the first time.

This is a huge breakthrough, since she has to go down three steps in order to go outside. Once she started doing it on her own, we practiced again and again, down the stairs, out the door, around the yard, in the door, up the stairs, and have a treat! Huzzah!

And after all that, she still went in and pissed on the carpet, but that’s what the Bissel is for… That’s also why I’m replacing the wall to wall carpet with the sheet vinyl flooring that I purchased from Home Depot a couple weeks ago. It looks like real wood. I’m installing it myself, so it might take me a while.

One other thing Gail has managed to accomplish is getting up onto the couch on her own. She’s still working on being able to jump up onto the bed, but for now there is a step she can use to climb up on her own.

She fully grasps the concept of her name, and usually obeys “come here”. We’re also making pretty good progress on “stay”, and most importantly, “Let it go” with regards to the cat. As Gail has gotten bigger, putting an end to her predatory cat chasing is an absolute priority.

Of course to train her, I grab her by the neck and slam her against the wall as hard as I can while yelling, “Let it go!” She usually drops the cat after the first three slams, but more recently it feels like she’s finally starting to take the hint and avoid the cat altogether… Don’t I wish… If I’m not there to say, “A-Ah! Let it go!” followed by a treat, she will chase Alex like a walking squeak toy.

And that’s why four weeks feels like forever. A few nights ago she picked up her water dish and slung it around the kitchen while I was doing the dishes, then she chased the cat while I stumbled around on the newly installed “Slip ‘N Slide”.

But then she curled up next to me in bed last night and slept like a little angel, and for a moment I thought, it’s going to be all right.

Kudos

Once again, a big shout out to Glenn and George, and a reminder that our submission page is for sumbitting jokes, not spammy garbage about making money on YouTube. Same can be said for using flush2x@gmail.com as well. Great for sending jokes, but at least Google does a fine job of filtering out the junk.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

Pax,

-f2x

Doggone Web Advice

So in case you haven’t heard, I recently procured a lab pup following the loss of my beloved Grace. Now Grace was a very good dog. Though I raised her from pup, I resist taking full credit for why she turned out to be so remarkable. I really think Grace was just born that way.

The new pup, Gail, is not so naturally graceful. She has a lot of issues that need to be addressed, and I’m not above using the internet to find suggestions on how to deal with those issues.

The biggest problem with internet advice is the signal to noise ratio, and this is never truer than looking for behavioral training advice on dogs. There are a few things that work for most dogs, some things that work for some dogs, and a lot of things that will never work for your dog.

Take crating your pup… for instance… My vet even thought this was a great idea. This. did. not. work.

I put the crate in the kitchen, lined it with a cozy comforter, filled it with toys, played with her in and around it for a few days. Fed her treats and food in it. So far so good, right? Then we put the door on it, and we tried a few sessions where she spent time in it, but then let her out if she became agitated, and always positive rewards! Great! But then it’s time to go back to work…

What I came home to… Oh God… I’m still having nightmares…

Not only had she shit in her properly sized crate, she also managed to roll around in it, and stomp a considerable amount of the excrement through the cage, creating a fine spray of shit all over the kitchen.

That crate is in the city dump now. When I leave for work, I closed the doors to certain rooms, but otherwise Gail now has free roam of the house. Other than having to clean the pee and the poo from the carpets and tossing out the latest shreds from the remains of the couch, there really aren’t any behavioral problems to which I can speak…

…without fear of repercussions.

Kudos

Do you like what you’re reading? Do you want to help out? Head on over to my Patreon– Oh wait. I don’t have one of those… Yet. In the meantime, you can help out by heading on over to our submission page and dropping off a joke that you’ve either found on the internet, or even some [OC] you made by yourself. You can also send the jokes to my email at flush2x@gmail.com like Glenn and George do.

Oh, in case you were wondering which jokes were Glenn’s and which came from George last week, it was a trick: They were all from George.

Pax,

-f2x