At a family get-together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asked, “Dad, what does fornication mean?”
The father freaked out. “Where did you hear a word like that?” he demanded.
“From Uncle Charlie,” replied the son.
The father charged off to confront his brother-in-law.
Of course Charlie didn’t have a clue what the problem was and explained that all he said was, “For an occasion like this you’d think they would serve champagne.”
I’m not really in the mood for this.
This past week was generally uneventful, and for the most part I’ve just been taking things kinda easy. And why not? Usually things don’t seem to go my way, so when the forces of the universe ease off, I think I’m entitled to a little R & R.
So I’ve got a lot of things to do today, and among them are mowing the lawn, rearranging the furniture, and getting things ready for the coming work week. Oh, and the jokes… I still have to get those in the queue. It doesn’t look as though I’m going to have time to work on the comic.
What happened with the comic? Well back in March, I had a major debilitating incident with my back. As a result I replaced my computer desk chair with a La-Z-Boy, and got rid of the computer desk. Now I surf the internet from the recliner. While it’s more comfortable for surfing, it’s absolutely worthless for creating and editing graphics.
So I’m going to try to rearrange a few things… Maybe it will work, but probably not… but if it does, then it might help me get back to working on the comic.
A man riding the bus was minding his own business when a gorgeous woman sat next to him and started breastfeeding her baby.
For some reason the baby wouldn’t nurse, so she said, “Come on sweetie, drink up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”
A moment later, the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
“So let me get this straight,” the prosecutor said to the defendant. “You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man.”
“That’s correct,” said the defendant.
“Upon which,” continued the prosecutor, “you took out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her.”
“That’s correct,” said the defendant.
“Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor.
“It seemed easier,” replied the defendant, “than shooting a different man every day!”
A worried father confronted his daughter one night.
I don’t like that boyfriend, he’s rough, common, unemployed, and bloody stupid.”
“Oh, no, Daddy,” the daughter replied, “Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out 9 weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.”
A priest was walking passed a group of 7th grade boys that were hanging out next to the church.
He stopped and asked, “What are you boys doing here?”
“Not much, Father,” said one of the boys. “We are playing a game in which whoever says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!”
“Boys!” exclaimed the surprised priest. “When I was your age I didn’t even think about sex!”
Unanimously, the boys cheered and said, “Looks like you’ve won, Father!”
A lady went into a bar in Waco, Texas, and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen!
The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and answered, “Shore is, li’l lady. Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thankie, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever PAID me fer mah services before!”
“Don’t be flattered,” the woman replied. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit!”
Still Plagued by Computer Woes
So if you tuned in on Friday… Oh wait, you couldn’t have because the servers at IX Webhosting barfed, and Flush Twice was offline from 2:30pm Thursday until 6:30am Saturday.
Also, I decided to reformat/re-install my primary computer here at home on Thursday, so I was kind of out of the loop when it all went down. This computer is still having a connectivity issue I’m not quite sure how to handle, but overall it’s working a lot better than it was when I took it out of service a while back.
My backup computer is is a netbook. I’m beginning to think it’s infected with the Stuxnet virus because it thinks the cooling fan is an Iranian centrifuge. It’s weird how the system temp goes really low- like around 40°C – and the fan is still in maximum overdrive. I’m going to have to take this one apart and go at it with some canned air.
And while Flush Twice is back online (for now), it’s still doing something very weird backstage that I don’t like. I may have to format and reinstall this one as well.
But for right now, at this very moment, things are working. It’s Sunday and I want to take a day off to rest. I’ll work on this stuff next Saturday, and perhaps the weekend after that as well. If it all goes to shit between now and then, you’re on your own.
Pax,
-f2x
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner.
The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little old man slipped through the door.
He carried an umbrella, blown inside out and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so, he still looked wet, freezing and bedraggled.
As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, “May I have two poppy-seed bagels to go, please?”
The baker replied in astonishment, “Two bagels? Nothing more?”
“That’s right,” answered the little man. “One for me and one for Wendy.”
“And who is Wendy, your wife?” asked the baker.
“What do you think?” snapped the little man, “You think my mother would send me out on a night like this?”
A small business owner was faced with a problem that he needed to downsize his company. He added up all the receipts and discovered he could get by if he laid off one of his employees.
He looked in his files and discovered that he had two new employees, one named Jill and the other named Jack.
Because they had started on the same day at the same time, he wondered how he would make the decision on who to fire.
Finally he decided that the first one he saw taking a break would be fired.
About ten minutes later, he saw Jill leaning against the wall next to the water cooler.
He left his office and walked over to her with a serious look on his face. He turned to her and said, “Jill, I have some rather bad news. It seems as though I’m going to lay you or Jack off.”
Jill looked at her employer and said, “Well, you’re going to have to jack off. I have a headache.”
