Author Archives: f2x

One evening a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door.

“Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?” she asked.

“I would love to,” replied the husband, “but I don’t know her well enough.”

An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin’ at it with a sheep.

The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer.

He taps him on the shoulder and says, “You know mate, back home, we shear those!”

The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, “I’m not bloody SHARING this with no one!

Things men SHOULDN’T say out loud in a Victoria’s Secret store:

9) No Thanks. Just sniffing.

8) I’ll be in the dressing room going blind.

7) Mom will love this.

6) Oh the size won’t matter. She’s inflatable.

5) No need to wrap it up. I’ll eat it here.

4) Will you model this for me?

3) The Miracle What? This is better than world peace!

2) Forty Five bucks? You’re just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!

And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in Victoria’s Secret:

1) Oh, honey, you’ll NEVER squeeze your fat ass into that!

A man who worked for the fire department came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the firehouse.
Bell #1 rings, and we all put our jackets on.
Bell #2 rings, and we all slide down the pole.
Bell #3 rings, and we are on the truck and ready to go!”

“So,” he continued, “from now on, we’re going to run this house the same way.
When I say Bell #1, I want you to strip naked.
When I say Bell #2, I want you to jump into bed
And when I say Bell #3, we’re going to make love all night!”

The wife seemed pretty agreeable with this arrangement.

The next night, he came home from work and yelled,
“Bell #1!”- The wife took off all her clothes.
“Bell #2!”- The wife jumped into bed.
“Bell #3!”- They began passionate loving.

After two minutes, the wife yelled, “Bell #4!”

The confused husband asked, “What the hell is Bell #4?”

“More hose!” she yelled, “You’re nowhere near the fire!”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were getting on an elevator.

As they walked in, they noticed a small puddle of white liquid on the floor of the elevator.

The brunette bent down for a closer look and stated, “It looks like cum.”

The redhead stooped down a little closer, sniffed through her nose, and proclaimed, “Yes, and it smells like cum.”

The blonde put the tip of her finger into the puddle and touched it to her tongue, shugged, and said, “Well, it’s nobody from our building.”