Tricky Pronunciation

While driving through Natchitoches, Louisiana a husband and wife were arguing about the pronunciation of the town. Before leaving they decided to stop for lunch.

At the counter, the husband asked the cashier, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”

The girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”

(FYI, while there are acceptable variations, Natchitoches is typically pronounced, Nah’-cuh-dish.)

Paternal Surgery

An older man had developed a somewhat rare condition that required major surgery. As it so happened, the only qualified surgeon in the region to perform the procedure was his very own son. Before the operation, the father and son had a brief moment to speak.

“Just relax and do you best,” the father told his son, “and remember that if anything goes wrong, your mother is going to move in with you and your family.”

Car Thief

A thief pleaded no contest to stealing a car. Giving the man a chance to tell his side of the story, the Judge asked, “So why did you steal the car?”

“I needed it to drive to work,” replied the defendant.

“You could have just taken the bus,” suggested the judge.

“I couldn’t do that,” said the man. “I don’t have a license to drive the bus.”

The Führer’s Death

Adolf Hitler was very keen on the occult, so he went to a fortune teller hoping that the woman could tell him how long he would live.

After careful charting, she said, “I can’t predict the exact date of your death, but I do know that you will die on a Jewish holiday.”

“And which holiday will this be?” he asked.

“It does not matter.” she replied. “Any day that you die will be a Jewish Holiday.”