Cliff Hanger

Mark was hiking along a mountainous trail when he lost his footing and slipped over the side of a cliff. After falling approximately 15 feet he ran into the branches of a tree growing out the side of the cliff.

While hanging on for dear life, he looked down and saw that it was at least a 200 foot drop to the bottom. In desperation he started calling for help. “Is anybody up there?! I’ve fallen over the side, and I need help!”

A loud booming voice that echoed through the mountains said, “I am the Lord. Let go of thy branch and ye will be safe!”

Mark could hardly believe his ears. This was indeed the voice of God, and it echoed loud and clear. Realizing this he looked down again at the 200 foot drop, looked up again, and cried out, “Is anybody else up there?!”

The Sexiest Machine

After getting a good look in the mirror, Bob finally realized why he couldn’t attract the hot ladies like he used to. He had gotten quite flabby and out of shape over the years, so to counter this he signed up for a membership at the local health club.

He had been working out daily for weeks, but didn’t seem to be making much progress. He went up to one of the fitness trainers and asked, “What machines should I be using to impress the ladies?”

The trainer quickly sized up Bob and said, “You might try starting with the ATM out in the parking lot.”

They All Do That

Delores special ordered her new car from the dealership. A few days later, the salesman called and politely informed her that her new car was ready to be picked up.

When she saw the vehicle for the first time, Delores was appalled, “No, no, no! That is not the color that I requested.”

Without missing a beat, the sly salesman explained, “Of course it is, madam. This is a freshly painted car, and it hasn’t had time to oxidize to the proper shade yet.”

Make a Wish

A waiter was working one night, when a beautiful Blonde was seated in his section. He went over to take her order and saw that she was crying.

“What is wrong, miss? Are you ok?” he asked.

Wiping tears from her eyes, she looked up at him and said, “My boyfriend just dumped me, and today is my birthday. Nice gift, isn’t it?”

The waiter talked with her a few moments and was able to get her to stop crying. He kept a close eye on her, and when she had finished her meal, he went into the kitchen, cut a large slice from the best cake on the menu, and stuck a candle in it. He lit the candle and brought it to her table. She looked very happy, and he was glad. He said, “Make a wish and blow!”

She closed her eyes and made her wish. Then she came up to the waiter, got down on her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock, and started sucking on it. He had no idea why she was doing this, but she was really into it, sucking away, and playing with his balls. He knew that he should stop her – they did not even know each others names – but hey, when you have got a hot blonde going down on you, are you really going to say, “No, do not do it?”

He stood there, enjoying every moment, and when she made him cum, he exploded inside her mouth, and she swallowed every drop of his huge, hot load. She looked up at him with a smile, and said, “Did you like it?”

He said, “Yes, of course, you do it great, but I am just wondering why you suddenly started sucking my cock?”

She looked confused. “Well, I was just doing what you told me to.”

Now he is confused. “What I told you to?”

Smiling, she says, “Don’t tell me you forgot already. You said, ‘Make a wish and blow!'”

Sunday, May 28, 2018

Memorial Day Musings

So this was the Memorial Day weekend here in the U.S., and it’s basically a holiday that either you don’t give a damn about, or you impose way too much significance. When I was a kid growing up in Ohio, it was the day my mom took fresh cut peonies to the cemetery, and us kids got to take off the day from school. As I got older, it was a day I got off from work. When I got in the military I found out for the first time that it was a day to remember those who died in the service of our country.

Now it’s back to just being a day I get to stay home from work. BFD, right? pretty much. Here lately my shoulder has been giving me trouble. I was hoping this long weekend would give me a chance to give it enough rest so it would self-heal. Needless to say, it’s not really getting any better. I guess I’m getting too old for the body’s magical regenerative properties to work effectively.

Oh, did I mention I got that promotion I was talking about? No, not that one, the one after. It seems I get to be group leader ahead of schedule. Can you imagine that? Me, a wisecracking smartass who operates a joke of the day site, gets to command a bunch of temps on a newly re-opened 2nd shift. Now that’s a twisted sense of humor!

The worst part is, I can’t keep anyone. They all keep quitting on me… Well, some of them weren’t worth a damn, and since a group leader can’t actually fire anyone, I just made sure they didn’t hurt themselves until management could fire them. The ones that actually put in a half-hearted effort simply found better jobs that paid better and moved on.

So that’s about it. No illustration this week. My shoulder hurts too much. Until next time.