A cowboy walked into a drugstore one evening, went down an aisle and came back to the register. He tossed a three pack of condoms on the counter and the clerk rang it up.
As she was handing him his change she asked, “Would you like a bag with that, sir?”
“Naw, don’t think I do,” the man said with a drawl. “This one’s kinda purty.”
Glenn saw a tight blonde sitting all alone at the bar.
He sat next to her and after a few drinks he noticed that she didn’t seem the least bit affected by the alcohol.
Curious about this, Glenn asked, “How many drinks does it take to get you dizzy?”
She frowned and gave Glenn a dirty look, but then she shook her head and said, “Oh, usually about four or five, but my name is Sandy. Don’t ever call me Dizzy!”
After little Tyrone looked in the mirror, something finally occurred to him that never occurred to him before.
So he went up to his mother and asked, “Mommy, why am I black when you are white?”
“Don’t even go there,” his mother warned. “From what I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!”
“I’m in love with one of my sheep,” the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.
“Nothing to worry about,” the psychiatrist consoled. “Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to.”
“But, doctor,” continued the troubled patient, “I feel physically attracted to my sheep.”
“Hmmm,” observed the doctor. “Is it male or female?”
“Female, of course!” the man replied curtly. “What do you think I am, GAY?”
How Would You Like Your Crow?
So I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve occasionally torrented TV shows, and less often movies. Many times I’ve used Kodi to watch stuff I can’t get on Netflix or Amazon Prime video, but let’s face it: There’s no way in hell I will ever subscribe to cable or dish. While I am kind of leaning towards Sling TV (owned by Dish BTW), until they support Linux, they can suck a bag of dicks.
So in order to watch whatever, whenever… Well… Now don’t get me wrong! I’m not condoning any of this! but sometimes I’d dip my toe into legally murky waters. And well… I got caught… Sort of. You may have gotten one yourself. It’s an e-mail from your ISP letting you know that: “It has been brought to our attention that your Internet service was recently used to improperly copy or share copyrighted content such as music, movies, video or software using Peer-to-Peer or Torrenting software.”
They also were kind enough to inform me that: “We have not shared any information about you with the content owner, nor will we unless we receive a subpoena or are otherwise required to do so by law or if you choose to file a counter-notification.” So that right there has set me off. First of all, they didn’t even mention what “content” or when it happened, and if I counter it, they’re going to snitch on me! Thanks assholes!
OK, so maybe calling them assholes is a bit harsh. At least they’re not turning me over to the Feds. It’s not about the movies or TV shows. Most nights I’m watching videos on mBlip. It’s about my privacy. So now I’m joining the ranks of internet users who feel uncomfortable that their internet history is being cataloged by the bureaucrats.
I signed up for a VPN.
And now for that tasty morsel of crow I was talking about: All those server farms I’ve been zealously blocking on Flush Twice? Well… it looks like I’m going to have to unblock them… Yeah… {sigh} I’m going to have to edit the ol’ htaccess file and let the scum of the earth scrape my site like a priest in an unsupervised daycare.
Who knows… Maybe we’ll start to see the visitor numbers go up because people who wanted to protect their online privacy couldn’t get through my “deny from” list.
If you were previously unable to check out this site because you have to use a VPN, well, I understand now. Welcome to Flush Twice.
Pax,
-f2x
After a brief wait in the lobby, Alice was shown to an examination room. Almost immediately the doctor came in.
“Miss Parker, is it? I’m Doctor Anderson, and I’d like to give you a thorough examination. If you don’t mind, please remove all of your clothing.”
“B-b-but doctor,” Alice stammered. “I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday.”
“So he told me, so he told me,” replied Dr. Anderson.
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort.
One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis. When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied.
Later he reported the conversation to his wife.
She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”
Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.”
The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.
The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you that you could come and go as you please around here?”
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, “My lawyer.”
A guy was chatting up a lady in a night club. “Can I buy you a drink?” he asked.
“Haven’t you got a girlfriend?” she replied. “Guys like you always have girlfriends.”
“No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago.” he assured her.
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please.”
After few drinks, a kiss, and a cuddle, they headed off back to her place for an evening of passionate sex.
While he was putting his clothes back on she said, “So, you’re a nice guy, good looking, and pretty amazing in bed. Can I ask why on earth did you split up with your girlfriend?”
As he slipped out the door he said, “My wife found out.”
