Paper or Plastic

A cowboy walked into a drugstore one evening, went down an aisle and came back to the register. He tossed a three pack of condoms on the counter and the clerk rang it up.

As she was handing him his change she asked, “Would you like a bag with that, sir?”

“Naw, don’t think I do,” the man said with a drawl. “This one’s kinda purty.”

Aready Dizzy

Glenn saw a tight blonde sitting all alone at the bar.

He sat next to her and after a few drinks he noticed that she didn’t seem the least bit affected by the alcohol.

Curious about this, Glenn asked, “How many drinks does it take to get you dizzy?”

She frowned and gave Glenn a dirty look, but then she shook her head and said, “Oh, usually about four or five, but my name is Sandy. Don’t ever call me Dizzy!”

Uncomfortable Question

After little Tyrone looked in the mirror, something finally occurred to him that never occurred to him before.

So he went up to his mother and asked, “Mommy, why am I black when you are white?”

“Don’t even go there,” his mother warned. “From what I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!”

A Forbidden Love

“I’m in love with one of my sheep,” the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

“Nothing to worry about,” the psychiatrist consoled. “Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to.”

“But, doctor,” continued the troubled patient, “I feel physically attracted to my sheep.”

“Hmmm,” observed the doctor. “Is it male or female?”

“Female, of course!” the man replied curtly. “What do you think I am, GAY?”

Sunday, August 27, 2017

How Would You Like Your Crow?

So I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve occasionally torrented TV shows, and less often movies. Many times I’ve used Kodi to watch stuff I can’t get on Netflix or Amazon Prime video, but let’s face it: There’s no way in hell I will ever subscribe to cable or dish. While I am kind of leaning towards Sling TV (owned by Dish BTW), until they support Linux, they can suck a bag of dicks.

So in order to watch whatever, whenever… Well… Now don’t get me wrong! I’m not condoning any of this! but sometimes I’d dip my toe into legally murky waters. And well… I got caught… Sort of. You may have gotten one yourself. It’s an e-mail from your ISP letting you know that: “It has been brought to our attention that your Internet service was recently used to improperly copy or share copyrighted content such as music, movies, video or software using Peer-to-Peer or Torrenting software.”

They also were kind enough to inform me that: “We have not shared any information about you with the content owner, nor will we unless we receive a subpoena or are otherwise required to do so by law or if you choose to file a counter-notification.” So that right there has set me off. First of all, they didn’t even mention what “content” or when it happened, and if I counter it, they’re going to snitch on me! Thanks assholes!

OK, so maybe calling them assholes is a bit harsh. At least they’re not turning me over to the Feds. It’s not about the movies or TV shows. Most nights I’m watching videos on mBlip. It’s about my privacy. So now I’m joining the ranks of internet users who feel uncomfortable that their internet history is being cataloged by the bureaucrats.

I signed up for a VPN.

And now for that tasty morsel of crow I was talking about: All those server farms I’ve been zealously blocking on Flush Twice? Well… it looks like I’m going to have to unblock them… Yeah… {sigh} I’m going to have to edit the ol’ htaccess file and let the scum of the earth scrape my site like a priest in an unsupervised daycare.

Who knows… Maybe we’ll start to see the visitor numbers go up because people who wanted to protect their online privacy couldn’t get through my “deny from” list.

If you were previously unable to check out this site because you have to use a VPN, well, I understand now. Welcome to Flush Twice.