Monthly Archives: July 2017

Fascinate

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One day, the teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly said. “My family went to the zoo and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate”.

Sally raised her hand and said, “My family went to the museum and I was fascinated”.

The teacher said, “well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word fascinate.”

But then Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fascinate.”

Sunday, July 30, 2017

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How Much Time Do You Waste on Here?

So a commonly asked question that no one has ever asked me is, “How much time do you spend working on Flush Twice?”

And honestly, it varies. If I have enough jokes in my e-mail, then it’s pretty much a snap. I copy/paste the jokes into the queue, along with some editing to correct spelling, grammar, and fix any other errors that one typically finds in the copypasta. It’s just a mere five jokes a week, so I like to get it all done in an evening. Takes about an hour or two if things are going well.

These rants are just like any other “twittube” or “facespace” post that people make. I just type whatever nonsense comes off the top of my head. Other than ensuring that spelling, grammar, and paragraphing is adhered to, I make no claims that you’re reading the Journals’ of Ernest Hemingway. In fact, if you’re reading this, you’re probably more bored than I am and need to find a better hobby. All in all, it’s about an hour’s worth of my time, because I really don’t rush it, and there are frequent breaks and digressions.

The amount of time I spend on the comic is the real wildcard. Some weeks I spend a lot of time trying new stuff, while others I just quickly toss it together because I’m really not feeling it. Interestingly, the comic you see, and the stuff I’m working on, are not necessarily connected. The panels I publish are based on tried and true techniques that I feel comfortable using. Occasionally I might create something that looks really cool, but if creating it is very tedious or I’m just not able to consistently create that kind of work, then I’m not going to post it. A lot of really interesting (and sometimes disturbing) stuff ends up on the cutting room floor.

So there you have it. Jokes and rants take two to three hours a week, but the comic itself could be anywhere from 15 minutes to ten hours of time spent each week.

Pax,

-f2x

PS: I also just wanted to add that the tomatoes have finally ripened, and I’ve been enjoying the most delicious tomato sandwiches. Here’s the recipe:

  • Pick ripe tomato off of your tomato plant.
  • Put 2 slices of bread in toaster.
  • Slice tomato.
  • When bread pops up, spread on Miracle Whip (or mayo).
  • Add tomato slices and smash together.
  • Enjoy.

I suppose you could add bacon to this sandwich if you wanted to, but honestly they are so juicy and delicious by themselves, it’s almost a shame to mess with it.

Also, I wanted to touch on what makes a home grown tomato so much better than any store bought:

  1. They have a more concentrated tomato flavor.
  2. They are tender without being mushy.
  3. Juicy without being drippy
  4. …and they have that fresh tomato plant smell on them!

The Prince’s Fairy Tale

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess immediately said, “No!”

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to “gentlemen’s clubs” and dated ladies half his age, and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching, and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders, and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

The End.

Quasi Fideli

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An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”