So a commonly asked question that no one has ever asked me is, “How much time do you spend working on Flush Twice?”
And honestly, it varies. If I have enough jokes in my e-mail, then it’s pretty much a snap. I copy/paste the jokes into the queue, along with some editing to correct spelling, grammar, and fix any other errors that one typically finds in the copypasta. It’s just a mere five jokes a week, so I like to get it all done in an evening. Takes about an hour or two if things are going well.
These rants are just like any other “twittube” or “facespace” post that people make. I just type whatever nonsense comes off the top of my head. Other than ensuring that spelling, grammar, and paragraphing is adhered to, I make no claims that you’re reading the Journals’ of Ernest Hemingway. In fact, if you’re reading this, you’re probably more bored than I am and need to find a better hobby. All in all, it’s about an hour’s worth of my time, because I really don’t rush it, and there are frequent breaks and digressions.
The amount of time I spend on the comic is the real wildcard. Some weeks I spend a lot of time trying new stuff, while others I just quickly toss it together because I’m really not feeling it. Interestingly, the comic you see, and the stuff I’m working on, are not necessarily connected. The panels I publish are based on tried and true techniques that I feel comfortable using. Occasionally I might create something that looks really cool, but if creating it is very tedious or I’m just not able to consistently create that kind of work, then I’m not going to post it. A lot of really interesting (and sometimes disturbing) stuff ends up on the cutting room floor.
So there you have it. Jokes and rants take two to three hours a week, but the comic itself could be anywhere from 15 minutes to ten hours of time spent each week.
Pax,
-f2x
PS:I also just wanted to add that the tomatoes have finally ripened, and I’ve been enjoying the most delicious tomato sandwiches. Here’s the recipe:
Pick ripe tomato off of your tomato plant.
Put 2 slices of bread in toaster.
Slice tomato.
When bread pops up, spread on Miracle Whip (or mayo).
Add tomato slices and smash together.
Enjoy.
I suppose you could add bacon to this sandwich if you wanted to, but honestly they are so juicy and delicious by themselves, it’s almost a shame to mess with it.
Also, I wanted to touch on what makes a home grown tomato so much better than any store bought:
They have a more concentrated tomato flavor.
They are tender without being mushy.
Juicy without being drippy
…and they have that fresh tomato plant smell on them!
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”
The Princess immediately said, “No!”
And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to “gentlemen’s clubs” and dated ladies half his age, and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching, and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders, and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”
Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”
“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”
“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”
I'm not a liberal by any means. Just look at the jokes I publish. Hell, I'm surprised the cancel-culture-crowd hasn't crucified me yet. That being the case, I did not buy an electric car because I care so much about the environment. I don't really give two shits about the environment other than those places where I personally live and visit. I didn't just fall off the turnip wagon either. My decision to buy a used electric car was based on financial benefits, reliability aspects, and some impressive performance characteristics.
While the cost to purchase a brand new EV often negates any financial benefit, a used EV typically depreciates to the point that it isn't really any different in the purchase price of a comparable gas powered vehicle. By carefully selecting a used EV, saving money on gas is a very real benefit.
And my LEAF has demonstrated this point quite nicely. My previous car got lousy mileage, but if you wanted a break-even cost comparison, a comparable gas powered car would have to get around 68mpg. How did I come by that number? If you look at my monthly electric usage year over year, it has been fairly consistent, where last February's usage was only 19KWh more than the previous year. This past month I used 253 more KWh than last year. It added a cost of about $22, and I drove a little over 600 miles. Gas is hovering around $2.50 a gallon, so 22/2.5 would be like buying 8.8 gallons of gas, and 600/8.8 is about 68mpg. That's a little better than even a new $25K Prius.
The biggest downside I've encountered concerns getting the vehicle serviced. I can't take this to my usual mechanic, and apparently not all dealerships can work on it either. While obviously the range of a 2016 30KWh LEAF can be a problem, it really isn't. For over a decade, I've had a two vehicle household, and now the one I use as a daily commuter is electric. If I need my GMC truck, I take my GMC truck. (Hint: I almost never need the truck.)
The other downside is the acidic nature of a certain demographic when they realize the car is an electric vehicle.
And that brings us to today's actual topic. I am not ranting to defend electric vehicles. I'm ranting about the brainwashed minds of a particular demographic. I say "brainwashed" because they all follow an eerily similar script. They always parrot the exact same talking points and frequently use identical phrasing and terminology. It's like they memorized lines that came out of the talk radio pundits or the pundits on OANN, FOX News, and the never-ending slew of right wing propaganda outlets. (Yes, I'm going there.)
With a somewhat stone-faced glare, they will utter this phrase as if Pavlov himself had just rung a bell: "That's great, but I don't think something like that would ever work for me." In the month and a half since I bought this car, I have heard this line from at least a dozen people. OK. I get it, but then they feel the need to further elaborate their position.
"I need to be able to travel in my vehicle." (Yeah, electric cars are only good for 20 miles and then you have to throw them away or something...)
"What do you do if you if there's an emergency and you need to go help a relative who lives in another state?" (Send flowers to their funeral?)
"How are you going to be able to drive that thing in the snow?" (Seriously? The traction control handles better than the 4WD on my truck.)
"You know my [acquaintance of a relative] had an electric car, and they had all sorts of trouble with it." (And nobody ever has trouble with a gas powered car?)
"We'll see how much you like it when you see your next electric bill." (I still like it... a lot.)
"You know they're not as Eco friendly as they say they are." (Since when have you been an environmentalist?)
"What's the difference between burning gasoline in your car and burning coal at the electric company?" (Coal is cheaper.)
"If everyone had one of those things, I don't see how our electrical grid could keep up with the demand." (And I guess the electric company never had to deal with new technologies or growing populations that added to the electrical load.)
"Did you know more CO2 is released during the manufacture of an electric car than for a conventional gas powered vehicle?" (And now you're suddenly worried about global warming?)
"They say lithium mining is a lot worse for the environment than gas powered vehicles." (Now you're trying to be an environmentalist again! What's your point?)
"Just ask Texas what they think about those electric cars right now." (I'm not going to speak for people who had to go through a hardship like that. See David Murray's video for some insight. He is an actual Texan who was hit hard by the recent winter storm, and he can explain it a lot better than I can.)
The longer they talk, the more hostile they become, especially if I try to correct any of their misinformed assumptions. There is remarkably little variation in the wording from person to person as well. They are also likely to sprinkle in a few comments about how they think liberals are trying to force people into electric cars. Bonus points if they bring up AOC, Pelosi, or George Soros. It is like a well rehearsed script, and every line is delivered in a tone that implies their sixth grade education is somehow better informed than all those "stupid liberals". They also act as though their "logic" is going to deliver a crushing blow to my enthusiastic satisfaction with my new vehicle.
The weirdest part is how most of the everyday people just think it is a neat car, but these "crusaders" suddenly feel like they have to win this duel for their honor. ("Must own the libs!") It's really kind of sad. Here is a functional commuter car that costs a fraction to operate compared to the traditional gasoline engine, and this barrel full of crabs is so blinded by their brainwashed induced rage that they can't see the obvious practical benefits.
Of course the pithy comments some of them utter as they walk past my desk are sadly not very creative either. Usually it's some variation on having an affinity for the color green, or being affectionate with a tree. Most of them have learned to keep their mouths shut by now, but sometimes they just can't seem to help themselves, and I have to bring up some unpleasant decisions they made in their own pasts.
I really am saddened by the number of people who get hateful over this car. It has done nothing to deserve this disparagement from this particular demographic, and for a group that seemingly lacks any fundamental understanding about the nature of the universe, they certainly have a highly developed opinion about a car that no one has ever asked them to buy. (Seriously, it's like pulling teeth to get a dealership to sell you an electric car.) The fact that their opinions and beliefs are so consistent is evidence that this isn't an accidental conclusion or even a well researched personal analysis that these people have stumbled upon. These opinions have been drummed into them till they chant them in unison like the mindless mob they've become.
It is just a fucking car, but it has the unexpected property of exposing something very dark and sinister. These are people who no longer take the time to examine and trust what is actually in front of them. They believe the propaganda over their own senses and lack the ability to reason and think for themselves. They are compromised by their twisted political religion. They live with damaged brains infected by a poisonous ideology that will only be relieved by the inevitable passing of time and the passing of men.
The LEAF replaced my rusty old '97 Plymouth Breeze. The oil pump was failing, and I couldn't see sinking that much money into saving it. There is no denying I got my money's worth out of that Breeze, and I couldn't help but feel a little sentimental about the long journey we spent together.
I remember at one point it looked like there was no hope for that car. It was running like crap, so I went out and bought another vehicle. That's when I got my truck.
For some reason I didn't trade in the Breeze back then. It was about six months later when I took it to my mechanic and asked him to take a look at it. I told him I thought it was likely a lost cause, but "just see if there was anything that could be done". He called back and gave me a surprisingly low repair cost, and urged me to consider it. He quoted one of his mechanics who was working on the car as saying, "For what it is, it's not in bad shape."
I drove that car for another 9 years, and believe me when I tell you that when I traded it in, I almost cried saying goodbye to it.
Kudos
Thank you anonymous donor(s) for the jokes. You may contribute more of them on
the submission page, and while the queue is quite full for the next couple months, I will be more than happy to add the submissions without complaint.
(Honestly, I don't even read the jokes anymore. I've already heard them all.)
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail flush2x@gmail.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
