A worried father confronted his daughter one night.
I don’t like that boyfriend, he’s rough, common, unemployed, and bloody stupid.”
“Oh, no, Daddy,” the daughter replied, “Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out 9 weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.”
A lady went into a bar in Waco, Texas, and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen!
The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and answered, “Shore is, li’l lady. Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thankie, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever PAID me fer mah services before!”
“Don’t be flattered,” the woman replied. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit!”
So if you tuned in on Friday… Oh wait, you couldn’t have because the servers at IX Webhosting barfed, and Flush Twice was offline from 2:30pm Thursday until 6:30am Saturday.
Also, I decided to reformat/re-install my primary computer here at home on Thursday, so I was kind of out of the loop when it all went down. This computer is still having a connectivity issue I’m not quite sure how to handle, but overall it’s working a lot better than it was when I took it out of service a while back.
My backup computer is is a netbook. I’m beginning to think it’s infected with the Stuxnet virus because it thinks the cooling fan is an Iranian centrifuge. It’s weird how the system temp goes really low- like around 40°C – and the fan is still in maximum overdrive. I’m going to have to take this one apart and go at it with some canned air.
And while Flush Twice is back online (for now), it’s still doing something very weird backstage that I don’t like. I may have to format and reinstall this one as well.
But for right now, at this very moment, things are working. It’s Sunday and I want to take a day off to rest. I’ll work on this stuff next Saturday, and perhaps the weekend after that as well. If it all goes to shit between now and then, you’re on your own.
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
