Category Archives: Sunday’s Rant

My Annual Thanksgiving Stay-cation

Though somewhat rarer than the “good-ol’-days”, many companies still offer paid holidays to their full time employees. My employer actually gives me Thanksgiving and Black Friday off with pay. Since I celebrated my 21st anniversary at work only a few weeks ago, I also have quite a bit of vacation time at my disposal.

Sadly, it’s not enough for a permanent vacation, so I try to find ways to maximize my time away from work. My annual Thanksgiving stay-cation is a perfect example of how I do that. Using just three vacation days, I can take the entire week off! I do a similar thing for Christmas too.

Now you may be saying, “But Diet, doesn’t your employer think it’s pretty shitty of you to take so much time off around the holidays?” To which my reply is, “Who cares what they think? I want my fucking time outa here. I’ve earned it, and they’re going to give it to me.”

I don’t usually put my foot down in these areas, but this is one case where giving me time for myself is really in everyone’s best interests, and they’ve never once turned down my annual Thanksgiving stay-cation request.

Kudos and Promos

Thanks for the jokes, George. If anyone out there is wondering what happened to the other guy, well… I’m still wondering about that too. Consequently I could use all the jokes I can get. Do you have a joke we can tell? Submit jokes via our submission page, or send an email to flush2x@gmail.com.

I’m still offering those Flush Twice t-shirts for free! You even get to tell me what you want it to look like. Please use this handy e-mail link: Gimme my FREE T-Shirt! _{(Limit one T-Shirt per household, and I reserve the right to refuse your request if I suspect bad faith.)}

Pax,

-f2x

It’s Finally Cold Outside

The United States may be a fair bit further south than where my European ancestors came from, nevertheless, it is still capable of getting rather cold here in the winter.

There is this little joke we tell people in Ohio. They probably tell this joke, or some variation of it, in a few other states, but I’ve always heard it about Ohio. Here’s how it goes: In Ohio, we have four seasons. “Almost Winter”, “Winter”, “Still Winter”, and “Construction”.

Here lately though, the “Construction” season seems to be getting longer, and since I actually prefer the cooler weather, it’s always a relief when those temperatures begin to fall.

Kudos and Promos

I’d like to thank George for helping with the jokes this week. Do you have a joke we can tell? Submit jokes via our submission page, or send an email to flush2x@gmail.com.

As always Flush Twice t-shirts are available at no cost to you! No shipping or handling fees either! Please use this handy e-mail link: Gimme my FREE T-Shirt! _{(Limit one T-Shirt per household, and I reserve the right to refuse your request if I suspect bad faith.)}

Pax,

-f2x

Getting Back to Normal (Whatever that is)

So I got my two vehicles back from the mechanic. They seem to be running just fine. The total bill for both the SUV and sedan was around $1400. It’s a good thing I make so much money off my comics, or I’d be hurtin’ right now.

Actually, it was paid for with overtime. I’ve been putting in a lot of 60 hour weeks lately. It’s almost eerie how when I don’t get overtime, I still manage to get by, but the moment I’m getting slammed with it, suddenly a series of catastrophes pop up to take the spoils of my hard work away.

I could use a break though. The good news is that I’m off this weekend… The bad news is, it’s to attend my sister’s memorial service. Don’t you just hate those things?

My sister Tina: Who was she? What was her deal? Well, she was my sister. Uh, she was born in 1961. She died in 2018. One time she got married and raised a family, and one time she crocheted an entire blanket by hand for my Christmas present. I watched her do it. Truly a remarkable woman.

I loved my sister. She and I shared the same cynical sense of humor. I had hoped that one day after I retired, we could frequently spend mornings together sipping coffee or tea while reminiscing about when we were young. At this rate, the only thing I’ll get to reminisce with is a lonely bottle of 40 proof liquor.

At least the car runs good.

Kudos and Promos

George and Glenn came through again! Thanks for the jokes guys. You make my job around here easy.

Would any of you like to help make my job easy? Submit jokes via our submission page, or send an email to flush2x@gmail.com.

It’s never too late to order your FREE Flush Twice t-shirt! No shipping or handling fees either! Please use this handy e-mail link: Gimme my FREE T-Shirt! _{(Limit one T-Shirt per household, and I reserve the right to refuse your request if I suspect bad faith.)}

Pax,

-f2x

Happy Halloween

No story this weekend. I’m still pretty busy with work at the moment, and that’s a good thing.

So you see, I have two vehicles: An SUV and a sedan. BOTH are currently in the shop at this very moment, and the repair bill is likely to be over one thousand dollars.

This is kind of a bummer too, because I thought I had a pretty good system. The sedan is a $3000 beater that bought back in 2009. I use it to drive back and forth to work. The SUV was purchased in 2012 for $4100. It’s used for trips down the highway to visit my dad, and it’s also my “go to” for when I plan on having passengers. Both vehicles were bought used and have nearly 400,000 miles between the two of them.

The idea was that while one was in the shop, I would still have the other to reliably get around… but wouldn’t you know it. The very night I took my SUV in to replace a wheel bearing, the sedan suddenly developed a serious issue with breaking and engine idle on the way to work. Now I’m driving my mom’s car. She died back 2014, but dad kept it for just such an occasion.

So that’s my week… How’s your week going?

Kudos and Promos

Did you like the jokes? Well, you can thank George and Glenn for that. Didn’t like the jokes? Well, you can go ### # ### ## #####, because George and Glen are totally awesome for helping me out.

Do you want to be as awesome as George and Glenn? Submit jokes via our submission page, or send an email to flush2x@gmail.com.

Once again, Flush Twice t-shirts are available at no cost to you! This e-mail link is the perfect way to request yours today: Yes, I want a FREE T-Shirt! _{(Limit one T-Shirt per household, and I reserve the right to refuse your request if I suspect bad faith.)}

Pax,

-f2x

Busier Than I Thought

Sorry if you were hoping to read more of that story I started last week, but I’ll have to work on it some other time.

This past week has been quite a doozy. Not to be a bummer, but my sister lost her battle with cancer and passed away. On top of that, I’m in charge of 3rd shift at work, and the workload and overtime is increasing. All that, and car repairs, home maintenance, as well as my usual daily chores make for a non-stop lifestyle that leaves little time to devote to hobbies or sleep.

Other than that, things aren’t going bad. I got a new leather rocker/recliner for the living room, and I managed to spend an afternoon with my dad. We took the dog and went to an orchard where you can pick your own apples off dwarf trees. I brought home a sack of fresh picked winesap apples and some pepper relish.

So that’s been my week. How’s your week going?

Kudos and Promos

George and Glenn, thanks again. Your joke contributions make keeping this site going a lot easier.

I’m always looking for more submissions. If anyone out there has jokes to lend, please use our submission page, or just email me at flush2x@gmail.com.

As always, Flush Twice t-shirts are available for free! Use this e-mail link to request yours today: E-Mail Me For a FREE T-Shirt! _{(While I’ve never turned down a request, I reserve the right to refuse any request if I feel it is not in the spirit of the offer.)}

Pax,

-f2x

As he came to amidst the rubble, his only thoughts concerned his throbbing headache. He pressed his head into his hands in a vain attempt to dull the pain.

“Mister, are you alright?” came a voice from off in the distance.

A small girl, no more than seven years old, stood several yards away while clutching a tattered doll. Her eyes looked upon him with concern and pity, while her question went ignored.

As he stood up, he brushed the dust and debris from his clothing and staggered across the wreckage where a building once stood. The sounds of sirens were approaching, and he knew he didn’t want to get caught up in that mayhem. He had to get away from the area.

“Come on, kid,” he said reaching his hand out to the little girl. “You don’t want to be here when they arrive.”

“But what about Mommy and Daddy,” she pleaded while pointing to the crumbled building.

He looked back at the smoldering heap with a heavy sigh. He knew it would not be possible for anyone else to have survived the blast. Once again, he focused on the approaching sirens and his heart quickened. He reached down and picked up the girl, “They’ll catch up with us later.”

_{(to be continued…)}

And now for the usual weekly stuff:

Once again, thanks to George and Glenn for the jokes. Neither of you ever visit this site, but I’m still grateful for your help.

For those who would like to contribute jokes to Flush Twice, please try our submission page, or just email me at flush2x@gmail.com.

I’m still giving away Flush Twice t-shirts. E-Mail Me with the word T-Shirt in the subject. In the body of your e-mail please include Name, Address, Shirt Size and color. Also tell us which Character(s) you would like featured and you can even include speech bubble text too! Am I crazy for making this offer? Nah. Just thought it would be kinda fun. (Offer good while supplies last, and while I still feel like doing it.)

Pax,

-f2x

Being an Adult Blows

No story this week, and I’m too tired to rant. Busy, busy, busy.

My deepest thanks to George and Glenn for providing the jokes. I know you guys never visit this site, but if you ever do, just wanted to give you this token of my appreciation.

For those who would like to contribute jokes to Flush Twice, please try our submission page, or just email me at flush2x@gmail.com.

Just a reminder on how you can get a free Flush Twice t-shirt: E-Mail Me with the word T-Shirt in the subject. In the body of your e-mail please include Name, Address, Shirt Size and color. Also tell us which Character(s) you would like featured and you can even include speech bubble text too! IT’S A FREE FUCKIN’ T-SHIRT! (Void where prohibited, taxed, or regulated. Only while supplies last. Limit: one T-Shirt per household. Since this is basically a good will gesture on my part, I reserve the right to refuse any request that I deem to be obnoxious.)

Pax,

-f2x

The Test in Time

Jeremy nervously looked at his watch as he frantically filled in the ovals with a #2 pencil. He couldn’t be bothered with reading the questions as there wasn’t much time. As soon as he got to the end, he walked to the front of the class and laid the test booklet on the teacher’s desk.

With an arched eyebrow, the teacher remarked, “Finished so soon, Mr. Ryan?”

With a desperate gasp, Jeremy said, “I think I’m gonna be sick!” before quickly running out the door and down the hall.

He burst into the bathroom and ran to the sink. As he caught a glimpse of the youthful reflection in the mirror, he turned on the cold water and splashed his face while breathing heavily. He could feel the room spinning around him as he fell to the floor, briefly losing consciousness. When he opened his eyes again, the room was dark.

“Did it work?” he wondered aloud. Jeremy struggled to his feet and carefully made his way to the door. The hallway was dimly lit by the sunlight coming through the glass doorway at the end. He made his way outside to the fresh air, leaving an abandoned and dilapidated building behind him.

He reached in his pocket for his phone, and dialed a number in his contacts. A woman answered the phone and announced the name of the company before asking how to direct the call.

“Alison, it’s Jeremy. Let me talk to Chris.”

“I’m sorry, sir. Who would you like to speak with again?” the woman asked.

“Chris. Chris Ryan. You know, the guy in charge of the Temporal Engineering department.”

“I’m sorry sir, but we have no such person or department,” came the voice over the phone.

Jeremy dropped the phone to the ground as he dropped his head into his hands. He sobbed briefly. His tears turned to laughter as he raised his head and lifted his clenched fists in victory.

Now that the story time is out of the way…

As always, a warm thank you to George and Glenn for taking the time to send me this week’s jokes. It means a lot. It’s easy to contribute jokes! Try our submission page, or just email me at flush2x@gmail.com.

Pax,

-f2x

Friendship Disillusionment

I don’t know exactly when it happened. It just happened gradually over time. Some days it seemed like everything was normal, but then other days you passed by as if I weren’t even there. I called your name to say hello, and you kept walking. Perhaps you didn’t hear me. Perhaps you didn’t want to hear me.

We used to share so much together. We’d go out together and have fun. I know… We’re both getting older, and hanging out can be complicated, but things seem so different from the way it used to be. It’s as if every encounter has to avoided unless you know it will be carefully chaperoned. Remember when you used to call me in the middle of the night for no reason? Naturally you had been drinking, but I was there for you, and you were there for me too.

Of course you still come around from time to time… when you want something. And at least you still brag about me to your other friends when I come through for you. But then you quickly drift away again, all while pretending there’s nothing wrong.

It’s a one way relationship now. When I try to reach out to you, the gate is locked, the blinds pulled. You spare no expense to make approaching you seem like a bad time. I still can’t help but notice that you’re very careful not to burn the bridge lest you need something again in the future. Why won’t you tell me what went wrong?

When you see me walk into the room, you look startled and nervous. You carefully keep watch over your shoulder to see if I’m making my way towards you. If it seems I’m getting too close, you dart off to avoid even the remotest possibility that we could interact. Did I somehow hurt you?

But then there are those times when you occasionally walk up to me, as if everything were fine, and we were cool. You smile and seem genuine as we talk. It’s just so random and out of the blue. You didn’t even want anything. For a brief moment, you were the person I knew as a friend.

At least I thought we were friends. I thought we had that rare form of kinship that only seems to exist in legend. People envied what we had, and we took it for granted too, we revelled in it, and then… and then it was gone.

…and I don’t know why.

But that’s cool. I’ll give you plenty of space. If there’s one thing I’m really good at when it comes to dysfunctional relationships, it’s moving on as if the relationship never existed in the first place.

But still there are those unnerving glances you cast my way. It’s as if something was very wrong. It’s as if I were now a ghost, and you feel haunted.

Did you like what you read?

So fall is finally here, and it just so happens that it’s my favorite season. I love the autumn leaves and the chill in the air. Of all the seasons, the fall gets the award for being the eeriest and spookiest. This week’s rant was an exercise in creative writing. Thanks for reading it, and tell me what you think. If it seems like it’s going over well, I might do some more.

Once again, a big shout out to George and Glenn for the jokes. I really appreciate the help. If you would like to contribute a joke, please give our submission page a try, or just email me at flush2x@gmail.com.

Pax,

-f2x

The Return of Anti-Spam

I was curious to know two things: 1) Did my anti-spam plugin block legitimate comments? and 2) How many spam comments were actually being left? To do this, I had to delete the Anti-spam plugin from my WordPress install, and wait to see what happened.

Except for sporadic comments from “The Oldest Rater”, there aren’t any comments. There may be one every six months from some rando in Europe, but it’s not like there’s really a whole lot to say about any given joke. Still, it’s a nice feature to have on any blog-style website in case the visitor just needs to get something off their chest.

Of course it really means a lot to me when anyone interacts with the site. Visit a page, click a star, leave a comment, hack the databa- wait… don’t do that last one. When people interact with the site, it gives the site a deeper meaning. But if not, well, I can live with that too.

As for how many spams… Well at first there weren’t very many at all, but just this past week there was a serious uptick. My e-mail started bleeping several times a day requesting moderation because a comment included a URL.

delete…

delete…

delete…

delete…

delete…

Awww fuckit! Just reinstall the damn anti-spam already.

And that was that.

LMDE 3 Random Freeze-ups

So topic #2 has to do with my recent installation of LMDE 3. Full disclosure, I had this problem on this computer back when I first got it and installed LMDE 2. The thing is, the freeze-ups were weekly to monthly, and got less frequent over time. With LMDE 3, this was daily! Something had to be done.

Fortunately Google came through on the first try. It has to do with disabling the CPU power saving states:

First you have to edit Grub

sudo pluma /etc/default/grub

Next you have to add this line to the end of the file:

GRUB_CMDLINE_LINUX_DEFAULT="intel_idle.max_cstate=1"

Finally, update Grub before doing a reboot:

sudo update-grub

Why am I telling you this? Actually, I’m not. I documenting this in case need to reinstall the OS for some reason and it starts acting up again.

Pax,

-f2x

PS: A big shout out to George and Glenn for the jokes. Thanks guys. If you would like to contribute a joke, please give our submission page a try, or just email me at flush2x@gmail.com. You can also email me to ask about getting a free^* Flush Twice t-shirt! Have a great week! 🙂