A man fell asleep on the beach. He woke up several hours later with a severe sunburn to his legs. His skin had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. He was rushed to the nearest hospital.
The lead on the medical staff at the hospital checked him out and prescribed intravenous electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.
Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, “What good will Viagra do him in that condition?”
The doctor replied, “It’ll keep the sheet off his legs.”
Kenny came home from work one afternoon and was stopped by his neighbor.
“It may be none of my business, but this afternoon a strange man came to your house and your wife let him in. I peeked in the window and saw them making wild, passionate love.”
Kenny said,”Was he short, about 5’4″?”
“Yes,” the neighbor answered, “I believe he was.”
“Did he have a droopy eye, and appear drunk?” Kenny asked.
“Yes,” the neighbor agreed.
“Then that was the mailman, Jim,” Kenny responded. “He’ll screw anyone!”
A champion snooker player, got married.
It was the first night of their honeymoon.
His beautiful wife lay spread across the bed wearing only a scanty silken black nightdress.
The groom came out of the bathroom totally naked with a long stiff erection, and walked slowly to the foot of the bed. He didn’t utter a sound but simply stood there looking at her and chalking the end of his erect penis.
This went on for over ten minutes, the only movement being the slow rhythmic chalking of the tip of his penis and the movement of his head from side to side as he stared at her lying on the bed.
Eventually, moist with excitement and shaking with anticipation she tore off her night dress and slowly spread her legs wide open waiting for him to take her.
The snooker master simply raised his eyebrows, cocked his head to the side and continued to slowly stroke the soft chalk across his penis as he stared intensely at the pleasures he saw between her outspread legs.
It was too much for her to stand, writhing in an agony of expectation and frustration she screamed out, “For God’s sake what are you waiting for?”
As he gently stroked the chalk across his throbbing penis and blew the loose chalk off its end, he smiled and while looking even more closely between her smooth thighs quietly told her, “I’m trying to decide whether to go for the tight brown or the easy pink.”
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house.
His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.
As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window, landing at the girl’s feet.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Taste it,” he replied, “If you like it, I’ll give you a whole one!”
I’m having what you might call a tantrum with regards to the search engines at the moment. I’ve already blocked most of the crawlers out there, and this past week I went and axed Bing, Yahoo, and the almighty Google.
And a couple days later I let Google back on.
Interestingly the moment I blocked those guys, the Ginger Jokes immediately stopped getting hits, but for some reason Bing is still referring people to images that aren’t even here.
So this past week has been really rough… My civilian job truly sucks, and I’ve been working so much overtime I really haven’t had time to work on lining up any jokes. Please accept my humble apologies if the jokes are lame or missing this week.
Pax,
-f2x
A race car driver took one of his adoring female fans out to the bar. They had a few drinks and he took her back to his place. After a round of passionate sex, he fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.
“What’s the matter? Didn’t I satisfy you?” he asked.
“It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble,” said the angry woman. “In your sleep, you felt my breasts and mumbled, ‘What perfect headlights.’ Then you felt my thighs and murmured, ‘What a smooth finish.'”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked the driver.
“Nothing, but then you felt my crotch and yelled, ‘Who the hell left the garage door open?'”
A lesbian walked into a house of ill repute.
She asked the madam for the youngest harlot in the joint.
The madam replied that she will not allow the woman to have her youngest strumpet.
The lesbian was not dissuaded as she demanded, “I want your youngest girl!”
The madam was firm, and denied her again.
“Well, why not?” she asked.
With a smirk, the madam replied, “Everyone knows you can’t serve a minor to any licker.”
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “Two Prostitutes – $50.00”
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
At that very moment, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.”
One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?”
“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer explained, “Their sign pertains to religion.”
The following day the officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with another large sign on their car. He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign: “Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00”
A stressed out Priest who went to the Doctor in a panic.
“Doctor,” pleaded the padre, “When I go to pee it burns like the fire of Satan, and I have this god awful drip. What does this mean?”
The doc wryly smiled and said, “It means the altar boy wasn’t a virgin.”
A young lady made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
“We’ve been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.
“I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining table…”
“Well, all right, Doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.”
