Sunday, June 11, 2017

My current comic agenda..

Here lately I’ve been making panels specifically to use on new character pages that I’ll create sometime in the future. The current character pages feel a little out of date, and I want to scrap and rebuild that whole mess. Here now is a draft of the new “History” on the comic. I went back and did a forensic examination to find the actual dates that certain things occurred because the site before October 22, 2008 was deleted, and I have never found any backups.

A Brief History of the Comics and the Characters

So if you go back to Flush Twice’s “Old Testament” days, there were two nameless, faceless stick figures that showed up on Jan 11, 2004. A week later on Jan 18, I re-posted them, and started publishing daily panels thereafter. Thus began what was internally referred to as the “Stick Series”. I gave them faces on Feb 13th (stick0027), and their recognizable features solidified on the Jan 15, 2004 (stick0029), An old man named Ben showed up on Feb 21, 2004 (stick0035), and Brandon and Dewey got their names the next day (stick0036). I felt sorry for Dewey and on Apr 23 2004 (stick0097) I created Birdie to be his girlfriend. Newt and Clif showed up on May 12, 2004 (stick0116), with the introduction of Alexis the next day on May 13, 2004 (stick0117).

My home computer crashed after I had uploaded the 120th comic to the site. All of my original PNG files were lost, and I always resize my comics to smaller, lower quality JPG files when they get posted on the site. I was devastated by the loss of 4 months of work on the comic. Nevertheless, I persevered and rebuilt everything from the ashes, making sure to do it better this time around.

My first “hiatus” happened on August 24, 2004 after publishing 220 consecutive panels. Believe it or not I didn’t introduced Tyler until October 3, 2004 (stick0272). I started toying around with “fleshing out” the stick figures on Nov 5, 2004 (stick0274), and the new look became permanent on December 21, 2004 (stick0316). Toni rounded out the cast on December 30, 2004 (stick0325), and that about wrapped up the first year of my not so brief foray into comics.

Those were the original 9 characters. Brandon, Dewey, Ben, Birdie, Clif, Newt, Alexis, Tyler, and Toni.

In 2005 some of the updates became a bit sporadic. Of course Tyler’s character joined the Army in October of 2005, which is the same time that I did in real life. The comics and jokes became even more sporadically updated at that point with the “Stick Series” ending July 20, 2008.

On October 22, 2008 I deleted the original site and installed a content management system. This began the “f2x Series” of comics. During this time, I would add Sergeant Bromite on October 10, 2009. Updates on the site continued to be sporadic until late November 2013 when I began pumping out a couple weeks worth of comics before settling into publishing jokes every Monday through Friday. On March 8, 2014 I debuted 2 new characters dressed in Army fatigues. It would be another 7 months before I showed them along with two more soldiers on Oct 4, 2014. They would be further refined and named over several months to be known as Sergeant Bryan, Sergeant Scrapper, Specialist Brady, and Private Grouper.

Only one other named character has been added since then, and that’s Chef Jimmy DeMarde on October 31, 2015. That sporadic story arc lasted until March 5, 2016. While I never officially closed the “f2x Series”, I’ve never went back to it, and in spite of what I might have said at the time, there currently aren’t any plans to either.

And that brings us to the “Pathos Series” that began on May 13, 2016. At first I tried to make them daily like I used to in 2004, but the schedule was too demanding for me. The comics continued to be sporadic until Saturday Nov 5, 2016, and have appeared every Saturday since then (although not necessarily at midnight EST).

So there you have it. A brief synopsis of the past 13 years and 5 months that I have been making comics. I’ll also note that every panel and strip is still available on this site, no matter how embarrassingly bad some of them may be. Oh yeah… Some of them make me cringe hard. Some of them I like… But there are some on here that I just shake my head in shame over. WTF was I thinking?

I really hope you liked this history lessen. If you want, compare an contrast it with the current historical account that I wrote previously.

Pax,

-f2x

Rose Buds

A teenage granddaughter came downstairs for her date wearing a see-through blouse and no bra.

Her grandmother pitched a fit and told her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager flippantly replied, “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!”

And out she went.

The next day the teenager came down stairs, and the grandmother was sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wanted to die.

She explained to her grandmother that she had friends coming over and that it was just not appropriate.

The grandmother said, “Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”

Beer Lotto

James walked into a bar, ordered up a beer, and noticed that the patrons were holding slips of paper with numbers written on them, and periodically numbers were being called over a PA system.

James asked the bartender “What’s going on?”

The bartender breaks it down saying, “It’s a beer lottery. Basically when you order a drink, you get a number. If your number gets called, you get to go in the back and get laid!”

“That sounds like a bunch of silly nonsense to me!” declared James.

A few stools down, a drunk listening in blurted out, “It’s not nonsense! My wife’s number has been called 3 times in the past hour!”

You Used To

An older couple was lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

A Trip to the Farm

A couple took their son, Johnny, to the country to visit a farm.

“Mommy, what’s that long thing on the horse?” he asked.

“That’s the tail, dear,” she replied.

“No, not that. What’s that long thing that’s hanging between the horse’s legs?” asked Johnny.

Embarrassed, the mother replied, “Oh, it’s nothing, son.” She then left to visit with the farmer’s wife.

While she was gone, the Johnny turned to his father and asked, “Daddy, what’s that long thing hanging between the horse’s legs?”

“That’s the horse’s penis, son,” explained the father.

“Well, why did mommy say it was nothing?” Johnny asked.

Taking a deep breath, Johnny father proudly replied, “I’ve spoiled that woman, son!”

Two Bodies in the Bed

Having been out of town for a few days, Margot came home late one night and quietly opened the door to her bedroom so as not to awaken her husband.

In the dim light, she noticed the distinct outline of two bodies in the bed instead of just one.

She reached behind the dresser and pulled out a baseball bat. With a blind fury she began beating the bed as hard as she could. Once the two bodies had stopped moaning and writhing, she dropped the bat on the floor and went to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she staggered into the kitchen, she was shocked to see her husband sitting there, reading a magazine.

“Oh hi, Darling,” he said, “Your parents house is being fumigated, so l invited them stay here and sleep in our room.”

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Meta Analysis

By now you’re probably beginning to notice a pattern. This is the paragraph where I start some diatribe about something that gets under my skin. No one should ever read this stuff, but for some reason you do.

The second paragraph is where I go into a little more detail, then start to backpedal by saying something like, “maybe I’m overreacting”. You’ve probably also realized you’ve seen this meta analysis someplace else on the internet, because nothing on the internet is original anymore. If you’re still reading this garbage I have no pity on you.

By this point all intelligent cohesion is lost, and I’m just rambling aimlessly. If you think there is any sense to this crap, that’s all you. That’s just you projecting your own nonsensical beliefs on meaningless filler that I typed.

Finally, I show the poor reader a little compassion and wrap things up. It doesn’t really resolve anything, even if it claims it does, and your life is somehow 15 minutes shorter after reading a blog post that only took a minute to read. As always, I’ll finish this with my customary closing.

Pax,

-f2x

ps: Thanks for hanging in there with me. We’ve got more jokes coming every Monday through Friday, and I’m doing my best to make sure that PitP is published every Saturday. I love you guys! See you again soon!

Home Early

A police officer, though scheduled for all night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”

“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you. Aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”

“Yeah, so?” said the officer.

“Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?”