Author Archives: f2x

Little Johnny, while stuttering, asked his mom, “Mmmama why I tttalk like ttthis.”

She replied, “I don’t know. Go ask your father.”

Little Johnny went to his dad and asked, “Dddad why I tttalk like ttthis!”

His father said, “I don’t know. Go ask your sister.”

So Little Johnny asked his sister and like all older sisters, she kicked him out of her room and told him to go away.

Little Johnny was in the yard kicking rocks when the postman walked up. Little Johnny asked, “MMMr. why I tttalk like ttthis!”

The postman replied, “BBBoy ggget away fffrom me bbbefore I ggget in tttrouble!”

A cowboy walked into a drugstore one evening, went down an aisle and came back to the register. He tossed a three pack of condoms on the counter and the clerk rang it up.

As she was handing him his change she asked, “Would you like a bag with that, sir?”

“Naw, don’t think I do,” the man said with a drawl. “This one’s kinda purty.”

Glenn saw a tight blonde sitting all alone at the bar.

He sat next to her and after a few drinks he noticed that she didn’t seem the least bit affected by the alcohol.

Curious about this, Glenn asked, “How many drinks does it take to get you dizzy?”

She frowned and gave Glenn a dirty look, but then she shook her head and said, “Oh, usually about four or five, but my name is Sandy. Don’t ever call me Dizzy!”

After little Tyrone looked in the mirror, something finally occurred to him that never occurred to him before.

So he went up to his mother and asked, “Mommy, why am I black when you are white?”

“Don’t even go there,” his mother warned. “From what I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!”

“I’m in love with one of my sheep,” the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

“Nothing to worry about,” the psychiatrist consoled. “Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to.”

“But, doctor,” continued the troubled patient, “I feel physically attracted to my sheep.”

“Hmmm,” observed the doctor. “Is it male or female?”

“Female, of course!” the man replied curtly. “What do you think I am, GAY?”

After a brief wait in the lobby, Alice was shown to an examination room. Almost immediately the doctor came in.

“Miss Parker, is it? I’m Doctor Anderson, and I’d like to give you a thorough examination. If you don’t mind, please remove all of your clothing.”

“B-b-but doctor,” Alice stammered. “I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday.”

“So he told me, so he told me,” replied Dr. Anderson.

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort.

One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis. When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied.

Later he reported the conversation to his wife.

She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.”