Two snakes were out taking a stroll when one turns to the other and asks, “Are we poisonous?”
“Why yes we are,” says the second.
Again the first snake asks, “Are you sure we’re poisonous?”
“Yes, we are very poisonous.”
Again the snake asked, “Are we really, really poisonous?”
“Yes, we are really really poisonous. In fact we’re the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?”
“I just bit my lip!”
After finding a leak in the bathroom, the lawyer’s secretary called the plumber, who fixed it in a matter of minutes.
The bill, however, was substantial. So substantial that the lawyer called to complain. “You weren’t here for more than ten minutes,” he said, “and I don’t charge that much for an hour.”
“I know,” retorted the plumber sympathetically, “and I didn’t either, when I was a lawyer.”
At the hospital a man who had just had surgery was coming out from being under anesthesia while his wife sat at his bedside.
His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, “You’re beautiful,” to his wife.
She was flattered, and continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.
Later he woke up and said, “You look pretty cute,” to his wife.
“What happened to ‘beautiful’?” she asked.
“The drugs are wearing off,” he replied.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents about a week before Christmas.
As they prepared for sleep, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs: “DEAR GOD, I’M PRAYING FOR A NEW BICYCLE! I’M PRAYING FOR A NEW NINTENDO! I’M PRAYING FOR A NEW BASEBALL GLOVE!”
The older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother, “Why are you shouting your prayers like that? God isn’t deaf.”
To which his little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”
Year in Review
Here at Flush Twice we managed to post 256 “jokes” and with the 5 still in the queue, that comes to a magnificent 261 jokes for 2017. When you combine that with the rest of the archive, we’ve accumulated 1077. That’s amazing!
When it comes to comics, there’s actually a lot there as well. There are 52 Pathos in the Plumbing episodes for this year. This brings the total up to 180, but don’t forget we also have the 134 comics from 2008 on, and the 547 prior to that for a grand total of 861 comics since I began creating them back in 2004.
Of course the numbers are nice, but the main goal is quality. I don’t mean just the funniest jokes, but quality in terms of organization, canonization, and overall readability. Is Flush Twice the greatest joke site that I had envisioned? Not by a long shot. I don’t yet have the coding skill to set that up. On the other hand, it’s objectively better better than the majority of joke sites I’ve seen… though I tend to be a little biased in my opinion.
So what’s on my wish list?
What things would I like to see for Flush Twice down the road? I’d like to find a plugin that lets visitors add tags to the jokes. Sure, I guess I could run through and tag 1077 jokes myself, but I think the readers would be able to do a more thorough job of selecting the right tags. I’d also like to recreate the original comic’s structure in the post archive. There’s 547 comics that are lumped into a few “historical pages”, but it doesn’t really give that same sense of continuity.
I think the number one thing on my wish list is that it keeps going. Obviously I’ve spent a lot of time on Flush Twice, and I’ve really enjoyed seeing how that work has grown and evolved. And while even google.com might one day cease to exist, I would like to think that Flush Twice will actually rank up there with the long term survivors.
Merry Christmas,
-f2x
Hurrying to finish her Christmas shopping, a young woman slipped on the wet pavement and fell to the ground.
A passing vicar helped her to her feet and said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever picked up a fallen woman!”
To which the woman replied, “And sir, this is the first time I have been picked up by a man of the cloth.”
“This is the worst job I ever had,” said Jeff to his friend Steve.
“How long have you been there?” asked Steve.
Jeff thought for a minute and said, “About three months.”
“Well, why don’t you quit?” asked Steve.
“No way,” said, Jeff. “This is the first time in 20 years that I’ve looked forward to going home after work.”
After years of her children’s constant nagging, Granny finally went to the doctor’s office for a checkup.
The doctor was particularly impressed by the spryness of the old woman, and asked what kind of things she did to take care of her health.
Granny explained, “To improve my digestion I drink beer; for loss of appetite I drink white wine; for low blood pressure I drink red wine; and if I have a cold I drink whiskey.”
“Don’t you ever drink any water water?” asked the stunned physician.
“Heavens no!” exclaimed Granny. “I’ve never been that sick!”
Mark went to his usual pub and sat down at the bar.
The bartender asked, “What’ll it be?”
Mark sighed and said, “Just give me a glass of water.”
Stunned that one of his regulars didn’t order a pint, the bartender asked, “What’s eating you Mark? Why aren’t you drinking?”
With another heavy sigh, Mark said, “I don’t think I should drink anymore. I got so drunk yesterday that I blew chunks all night.”
The bartender gave an understanding nod and said, “Well, it’s not unusual to get sick after drinking a bit too much.”
“No, No”, replied Mark. “You don’t understand. Chunks is my dog!”
