The Golden Soapbox
Gail’s Pic of the Week
I Have No Idea What Comes Next
After 2020, things couldn't possibly get any worse, could they? Well, they could, and it is prudent to brace yourself for the possibility that the apocalypse was just getting warmed up.
On the other hand, perhaps the worst is behind us, or at least we will have a reprieve while the Kraken naps for a few more years.
One thing I pretty much know isn't about to happen:
We ain't gonna go back to the way things were.
There are a number of jokes still left in the queue from the anonymous donor who used our submission page. Thanks again, whoever you are.
“You know how sometimes you tell yourself that you have a choice, but really you don't have a choice? Just because there are alternatives doesn't mean they apply to you.” ― Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave
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What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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A young man excitedly told his mother that he had fallen in love and was going to get married.
“Just for fun, Mama, I’m going to show you a picture of 3 girls,” said the young man, “and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
As the mother nodded in agreement, the son took out a photograph of three young women, and showed it to her.
She immediately blurted out, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Mama! How did you know?”
The mother replied, “Because I don’t like her.”
As the car came to a stop on the edge of a lonely country road, the young woman remarked, “You aren’t going to pull that old ‘out of gas’ routine on me, are you?
“No,” said the fellow. “I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”
“What’s that?” she asked unwittingly.
“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone.”
A Blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking along an island beach. One of them found a bottle and a genie popped out.
The genie said he would grant each of them one wish.
The blonde said, “I need to get off this island. I wish for a rowboat.”
With a flash, a rowboat appeared and she rushed it out into the water.
The redhead said, “I also need to get off this island, so I wish for a jet ski.”
With a flash, the jet ski appeared, and the redhead rushed it out into the water, overtaking the blonde.
The genie then turned to the brunette as she shook her head.
”I guess I’ll take a million dollars,” said the brunette, “and just use the bridge to get back home.”
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”
“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”
“Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.”
“I object!” the defense said again.
“No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”
The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.”
So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”
The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t know.”