Monthly Archives: February 2020

A young man excitedly told his mother that he had fallen in love and was going to get married.

“Just for fun, Mama, I’m going to show you a picture of 3 girls,” said the young man, “and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

As the mother nodded in agreement, the son took out a photograph of three young women, and showed it to her.

She immediately blurted out, “The one on the right.”

“That’s amazing, Mama! How did you know?”

The mother replied, “Because I don’t like her.”

As the car came to a stop on the edge of a lonely country road, the young woman remarked, “You aren’t going to pull that old ‘out of gas’ routine on me, are you?

“No,” said the fellow. “I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”

“What’s that?” she asked unwittingly.

“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone.”

A Blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking along an island beach. One of them found a bottle and a genie popped out.

The genie said he would grant each of them one wish.

The blonde said, “I need to get off this island. I wish for a rowboat.”

With a flash, a rowboat appeared and she rushed it out into the water.

The redhead said, “I also need to get off this island, so I wish for a jet ski.”

With a flash, the jet ski appeared, and the redhead rushed it out into the water, overtaking the blonde.

The genie then turned to the brunette as she shook her head.

”I guess I’ll take a million dollars,” said the brunette, “and just use the bridge to get back home.”

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.”

“I object!” the defense said again.

“No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”

The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.”

So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t know.”

Phil bought his wife a piano for her birthday.

A few weeks later, his buddy asked how she was doing with it.

“I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet,” said Phil.

“How come?” asked his friend.

“Well,” he answered, “when she plays the clarinet, she can’t sing.”

A young man sat down at the bar and order 6 shots of whisky.

“6 shots?!?” cried the bartender. “Are you celebrating something?”

“Yeah. My first blowjob.”

As the bartender started pouring the shots he said, “In that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.”

“No thanks,” said the young man. “If 6 shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”

The day finally came that Private Johnson was to be honorably discharged from the military.

“I suppose now that you’ve got your honorable discharge,” snarled his company commander, “you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.”

“No Sir!” the soldier replied. “I don’t want to spend that much time standing in line.”