Monthly Archives: June 2017

The Sunday School Teacher

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After the Sunday services, the man approached the lovely young Sunday school teacher and asked, “How about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?”

“Why Yes, that would be nice,” the lady responded.

That Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant. When they sat down, the man suggested, “Would you like a cocktail before dinner?”

“Oh, no,” said the woman, “What ever would I tell my Sunday school class?”

The man felt a little humbled by the remark, but they went on to have a lovely dinner. After dinner he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, “Would you care for a cigarette?”

“Oh my goodness no!” exclaimed the woman. “I couldn’t face my Sunday School class if I did”

Again the man felt a tinge of shame for tempting the Sunday school teacher.

A while later he was driving the lady home and passed by the local motel. He’d been morally rebuffed twice already and figured he had nothing to lose. He ventured forth with, “how would you like to stop at this motel?”

“Sure, that would be nice,” she said with anticipation.

The man couldn’t believe his ears. He spun the car around, pulled into a parking space in front of a room, and checked in.

The next morning after a wild and passionate night, the two woke up in each other’s arms. The man looked into her eyes and asked, “What ever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?”

The lady gave him a lecherously tempting smile and said, “The same thing I always tell them: ‘You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a good time.'”

Getting a Sample

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An 85-year-old man went to his doctor’s office and while there the Doctor asked for a sperm count. He gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this – First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn’t get the jar open.”

Sunday, June 18, 2017

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The Heat is On

Don’t take this politically, but the weather has been rather warm so far this season, and this Wednesday is only the first day of summer. I work in a factory that is hot in the winter and even hotter in the summer, and to be honest, I really hate the heat. On the bright side, my tomato plants are looking amazing this year.

I’m experimenting with hanging tomato pots. Don’t be dense and confuse them with the “Topsy Turvy™” As Seen on TV stuff. This is where you take a hanging flower pot, cut out the grill on the drainage hole, fish a small tomato plant through, then backfill will a high-end potting soil. I’m testing seven different varieties this year. So far the Supersonic is the largest, but the Sugary has the most fruit. The rest are doing OK, but they’ve fallen way behind the other two.

And I’m falling behind as well… The heat makes me lazy. It’s after 8pm this Sunday, and I’m just getting around to writing this so called “rant”. It’s not really a rant. I’m too hot and tired to rant. Here in a moment I’m going to take a cool shower and get ready for bed. You know, I worked yesterday, so sleeping in today was an obligation. It just started raining outside, so I ought to sleep good tonight. Sometimes you need that extra rest.

The kk Star Rating plugin was updated this past week. That’s a good sign. It means that this plugin might just be around for a little while. I also had time to check it out a little. It doesn’t create its own database. Instead, it stores the ratings inside the posts’ metadata. After looking at the metadata it generates, I can safely say that it stores visitor votes with an encrypted hash. This means it does not store the actual IP address, and there would be no way for me to ever tell who voted for what. That’s kind of a bummer for me, but at least you know your privacy is protected if you decide to rate a joke… or comic… or rant…

OK, so the jokes are queued up, and I pretty much don’t care what happens. I gotta be at work in the morning, and it will likely be another 6 days of mostly 10 hour shifts. Hopefully I’ll get around to actually working on those profile pages some time this week, but don’t hold your breath

Pax,

-f2x

update Wed, Jun, 21:

Happy longest day of the year and all… It seems like some hosting companies were abusing the privilege, so I’ve started blocking feeds. If this negatively affects you, just drop me a line and I’ll restore it.

-f2x

Mildred’s Heart Condition

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Mildred and Chester knew each other from childhood but were in their seventies when they got married. They had to wait for Millard’s mother to pass away first.

Back in those days there was no hanky panky before marriage, so Chester and Mildred were both still virgins.

Needless to say Chester was pretty excited on their wedding night, having waited so patiently all those years.

However, Mildred was very apprehensive as she had developed a heart condition and would have to tell Chester that they could not do it.

Chester was sitting on the bed wanting Mildred to hurry up. He detected a little reluctance on her part. Thinking that she was shy he sent her off to the bathroom to get undressed.

When she reappeared in her silk satin nightie, he got her to sit next to him on the bed. Not knowing how to get things started he pulled the first strap on her nightie.

She blushed just as red as her silk satin nightie, but she was still apprehensive about explaining her heart condition.

Meanwhile Chester was looking at the first breast he had seen since his own mother’s. It was hanging there down to her belly button! Apparently gravity took it’s toll over some sixty years. He noted her anxiety but figured she was just nervous about her first time.

He then pulled the second strap and saw the second breast unroll downward before him.

Poor Mildred was beside herself. She had to tell Chester about her heart. With a quivering voice and mustering up all her courage, she said, “Chester I have acute angina.”

Chester replied, “I sure hope so. Cuz you’ve shore got ugly tits.”

The New Housekeeper

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A young guy was in between the sheets with a married woman when they heard the front door open.

“It’s my husband,” the woman said as she jumped out of the bed and pulled on a dress. “Here start ironing these,” and she tossed him a pile of shirts.

A moment later the husband walked in and asked why a strange man was ironing the shirts.

She told him that he was the new housekeeper.

For some inexplicable reason the husband accepted this bizarre explanation and went about his business.

The poor bloke stayed and finished the shirts, then walked down the street to catch the bus.

He couldn’t help but talk about what just happened to the man waiting next to him.

The man looked at him and said,”Are you talking about that nice looking brunette who lives in the two story brick job a couple blocks down on the corner?”

“Why yes I am. Do you know her?”

“Know her?” he said. “I’m the guy who washed those damned shirts!”

Shore Leave

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After nearly a year at sea, a sailor came ashore, got drunk, and ran to a brothel.

The old madam said, “All my girls are busy, but I’ll take care of you.”

The sailor conceded, “I’m desperate, so you’ll do.”

They went into a room, and after a while, the madam said, “I may have winter in my hair, but I’ve got summer in my heart.”

To which the sailor replied, “Yeah, but if you don’t get a little more spring in your ass, we’re going to be here till fall.”

Caught Cheating

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A concerned coworker asked, “John, what’s wrong? You seem really upset.”

“Well,” replied John, “apparently my wife’s been cheating on me.”

“With who?” asked the coworker.

“My next door neighbor,” replied John.

“Of all the low down dirty things!” exclaimed the coworker.

“Yeah,” said John, “and if you think I’m upset, you should’ve heard how upset my neighbor’s husband was.”

Nuisance Child

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Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game.

His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game.

At this point, the boy’s uncle stood up, took Jimmy by the hand, and led him out of the room.

The uncle returned in a short time without Jimmy and without comment. The game resumed. For the balance of the afternoon, there was no trouble from Jimmy.

After the game had ended and the players were settling their wins and losses. One of the men asked Jimmy’s uncle, “What in the world did you do to Jimmy?”

“Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied. “I just showed him how to jerk off.”

Sunday, June 11, 2017

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My current comic agenda..

Here lately I’ve been making panels specifically to use on new character pages that I’ll create sometime in the future. The current character pages feel a little out of date, and I want to scrap and rebuild that whole mess. Here now is a draft of the new “History” on the comic. I went back and did a forensic examination to find the actual dates that certain things occurred because the site before October 22, 2008 was deleted, and I have never found any backups.

A Brief History of the Comics and the Characters

So if you go back to Flush Twice’s “Old Testament” days, there were two nameless, faceless stick figures that showed up on Jan 11, 2004. A week later on Jan 18, I re-posted them, and started publishing daily panels thereafter. Thus began what was internally referred to as the “Stick Series”. I gave them faces on Feb 13th (stick0027), and their recognizable features solidified on the Jan 15, 2004 (stick0029), An old man named Ben showed up on Feb 21, 2004 (stick0035), and Brandon and Dewey got their names the next day (stick0036). I felt sorry for Dewey and on Apr 23 2004 (stick0097) I created Birdie to be his girlfriend. Newt and Clif showed up on May 12, 2004 (stick0116), with the introduction of Alexis the next day on May 13, 2004 (stick0117).

My home computer crashed after I had uploaded the 120th comic to the site. All of my original PNG files were lost, and I always resize my comics to smaller, lower quality JPG files when they get posted on the site. I was devastated by the loss of 4 months of work on the comic. Nevertheless, I persevered and rebuilt everything from the ashes, making sure to do it better this time around.

My first “hiatus” happened on August 24, 2004 after publishing 220 consecutive panels. Believe it or not I didn’t introduced Tyler until October 3, 2004 (stick0272). I started toying around with “fleshing out” the stick figures on Nov 5, 2004 (stick0274), and the new look became permanent on December 21, 2004 (stick0316). Toni rounded out the cast on December 30, 2004 (stick0325), and that about wrapped up the first year of my not so brief foray into comics.

Those were the original 9 characters. Brandon, Dewey, Ben, Birdie, Clif, Newt, Alexis, Tyler, and Toni.

In 2005 some of the updates became a bit sporadic. Of course Tyler’s character joined the Army in October of 2005, which is the same time that I did in real life. The comics and jokes became even more sporadically updated at that point with the “Stick Series” ending July 20, 2008.

On October 22, 2008 I deleted the original site and installed a content management system. This began the “f2x Series” of comics. During this time, I would add Sergeant Bromite on October 10, 2009. Updates on the site continued to be sporadic until late November 2013 when I began pumping out a couple weeks worth of comics before settling into publishing jokes every Monday through Friday. On March 8, 2014 I debuted 2 new characters dressed in Army fatigues. It would be another 7 months before I showed them along with two more soldiers on Oct 4, 2014. They would be further refined and named over several months to be known as Sergeant Bryan, Sergeant Scrapper, Specialist Brady, and Private Grouper.

Only one other named character has been added since then, and that’s Chef Jimmy DeMarde on October 31, 2015. That sporadic story arc lasted until March 5, 2016. While I never officially closed the “f2x Series”, I’ve never went back to it, and in spite of what I might have said at the time, there currently aren’t any plans to either.

And that brings us to the “Pathos Series” that began on May 13, 2016. At first I tried to make them daily like I used to in 2004, but the schedule was too demanding for me. The comics continued to be sporadic until Saturday Nov 5, 2016, and have appeared every Saturday since then (although not necessarily at midnight EST).

So there you have it. A brief synopsis of the past 13 years and 5 months that I have been making comics. I’ll also note that every panel and strip is still available on this site, no matter how embarrassingly bad some of them may be. Oh yeah… Some of them make me cringe hard. Some of them I like… But there are some on here that I just shake my head in shame over. WTF was I thinking?

I really hope you liked this history lessen. If you want, compare an contrast it with the current historical account that I wrote previously.

Pax,

-f2x